Transported to Barsoom, a Civil War vet discovers a barren planet seemingly inhabited by 12-foot tall barbarians. Finding himself prisoner of these creatures, he escapes, only to encounter Woola and a princess in desperate need of a savior.
A factory worker, Douglas Quaid, begins to suspect that he is a spy after visiting Recall - a company that provides its clients with implanted fake memories of a life they would like to have led - goes wrong and he finds himself on the run.
The siblings Hansel and Gretel are left alone in the woods by their father and captured by a dark witch in a candy house. However they kill the witch and escape from the spot. Years later, the orphans have become famous witch hunters. When eleven children go missing in a small village, the Mayor summons Hansel and Gretel to rescue them, and they save the red haired Mina from the local sheriff who wants to burn her, accusing Mina of witchcraft. Soon they discover that the Blood Moon will approach in three days and the powerful dark witch Muriel is responsible for the abduction of children. She intends to use the children together with a secret ingredient in a Sabbath to make the coven of witches protected against the fire. Meanwhile Hansel and Gretel disclose secrets about their parents.Written by
Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famke Janssen and Jeremy Renner have both starred as superheroes in Marvel films. Renner played Hawkeye in Marvel and Disney's Avengers films and Jannsen played Jean Grey in Marvel and Fox's X- Men movies. See more »
"Hansel" and "Gretel" are diminutive forms of "Hans" and "Greta" respectively. They are names that children use. As the children grew up, they would change to "Hans" and "Greta". See more »
[Hansel and Mina are bathing in a pool of healing waters]
I got it. You know, the last time I was in waters like this, I came across a formidable serpent witch. She mostly looked like a toad, but she could breathe underwater, which made her difficult to track. She was deadly.
[swims up to Hansel and silences him]
Shh. You talk too much.
[kisses Hansel and seduces him]
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The text of the newspaper clippings used in the opening credits is from Alexander Roberts' 1616 "A Treatise on Witchcraft". The same piece of text is used twice for different headlines. The repeated excerpt starts 'and of these in day of executions which she is no wise would condiscend'. See more »
This is not a quality film and I don't think they even meant it to be good or memorable. If you watched the trailers and *didn't* expect it to be terrible, I'd be very, very surprised. I would never have paid to see this. I only saw it because I got passes to a free advance screening. And it was just as ridiculous as I expected - and I was pretty entertained. We were laughing pretty hard the whole time.
The movie wasn't trying to have a good plot or a surprise twist. Clocking in at a little over an hour, it could have been season finale of a B-grade TV series of the same premise. I think movie was just trying to be funny, and I think their jokes worked. Like how Hansel has a "medical condition" (not spoiling it here). It doesn't work in a physiological sense - but who cares? It was really funny that they even made that connection!
There was an incredible amount of gore in this movie; but I suppose that itself was a joke, given the premise of the movie. Their other jokes relied on anachronisms (weapons, fanboys, crime investigations). But they were careful enough that the anachronisms were funny in the context of the world-building instead of being glaring anomalies.
There might be some people complaining about what an inadequate film this was with respect to plot, but that would be missing the point. Don't watch this expecting to take away anything - it's really only just for the lawls.
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