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Title: Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
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| Cast overview, first billed only: | |||
| Jeremy Renner | ... | Hansel | |
| Gemma Arterton | ... | Gretel | |
| Famke Janssen | ... | Muriel | |
| Pihla Viitala | ... | Mina | |
| Derek Mears | ... | Edward | |
| Robin Atkin Downes | ... | Edward (voice) | |
| Ingrid Bolsø Berdal | ... | Horned Witch | |
| Joanna Kulig | ... | Red Haired Witch | |
| Thomas Mann | ... | Ben | |
| Peter Stormare | ... | Sheriff Berringer | |
| Bjørn Sundquist | ... | Jackson | |
| Rainer Bock | ... | Mayor Engleman | |
| Thomas Scharff | ... | Father | |
 |
Kathrin Kühnel | ... | Adrianna |
|
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Cedric Eich | ... | Young Hansel |
The siblings Hansel and Gretel are left alone in the woods by their father and captured by a dark witch in a candy house. However they kill the witch and escape from the spot. Years later, the orphans have become famous witch hunters. When eleven children go missing in a small village, the Mayor summons Hansel and Gretel to rescue them, and they save the red haired Mina from the local sheriff who wants to burn her, accusing Mina of witchcraft. Soon they discover that the Blood Moon will approach in three days and the powerful dark witch Muriel is responsible for the abduction of children. She intends to use the children together with a secret ingredient in a Sabbath to make the coven of witches protected against the fire. Meanwhile Hansel and Gretel disclose secrets about their parents. Written by Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
This is not a quality film and I don't think they even meant it to be good or memorable. If you watched the trailers and *didn't* expect it to be terrible, I'd be very, very surprised. I would never have paid to see this. I only saw it because I got passes to a free advance screening. And it was just as ridiculous as I expected - and I was pretty entertained. We were laughing pretty hard the whole time.
The movie wasn't trying to have a good plot or a surprise twist. Clocking in at a little over an hour, it could have been season finale of a B-grade TV series of the same premise. I think movie was just trying to be funny, and I think their jokes worked. Like how Hansel has a "medical condition" (not spoiling it here). It doesn't work in a physiological sense - but who cares? It was really funny that they even made that connection!
There was an incredible amount of gore in this movie; but I suppose that itself was a joke, given the premise of the movie. Their other jokes relied on anachronisms (weapons, fanboys, crime investigations). But they were careful enough that the anachronisms were funny in the context of the world-building instead of being glaring anomalies.
There might be some people complaining about what an inadequate film this was with respect to plot, but that would be missing the point. Don't watch this expecting to take away anything - it's really only just for the lawls.