Total Recall

At the end of the 21st century, the world was rendered uninhabitable as nations engaged in widespread chemical warfare. As a result only two livable areas are left with the British Isles now known as the United Federation of Britain (UFB) and Australia now known as The Colony where the only possible travel is through a massive super elevator called The Fall that goes through the core of the Earth. The UFB, led by Chancellor Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston) is experiencing political tensions due to a resistance group led by Mathias (Bill Nighy) seeking independence for The Colony. Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell) is a laborer, married to Lori (Kate Beckinsale), based out of the Colony who assembles synthetic droids in the UFB and has become disillusioned as his prospects are limited due to living in The Colony. After seeing an advertisement for Rekall which promises pleasant artificial memories Quaid visits the establishment in the hopes of alleviating his frustration. However when Quaid selects the "secret agent" memories the process goes wrong when it's revealed he actually is a UFB/Resistance double agent which puts him into a conspiracy that will determine the future of The Colony.

1990's Total Recall is a benchmark for the Sci-fi/action genre thanks to Arnold Schwarzenegger's trademark sense of humor and a script and direction that balance the excessive action and camp with some undeniably smart self-effacing satire. In 2009, it was announced that Kurt Wimmer of the cult film Equilibrium would co-write a remake alongside Mark Bomback. Needless to say many were not enthused by the prospect of a remake of Total Recall as not only is it a classic of the genre, but the fact the original still holds up made people question it's purpose. Many of the cast and crew tried to brush off such concerns with statements like "we're going back to the book" or "it's an adaptation of the original story, not the 1990 film" only to have those statements undermined by the fact characters like Melina, Harry, Cohaagen, and the resistance leader were inventions of the 1990 film and not the original story. Made for $125 million the movie performed poorly stateside making only $58 million, but like many action films was alleviated thanks to the international market which brought its total up to $198 million but was still considered a disappointment when factoring in marketing and distribution costs. Critical and audience reception tended to be pretty tepid with even the most positive reviews like Richard Roeper's B- still emphasizing the enduring nature of the original film, but regardless of how you slice it Total Recall 2012 is a soulless product that bares only a fraction of its predecessor's charm.

I'll say that Colin Farrell is okay as Quaid, he's not given all that much to work with because the script just wants to rush him from one CGI filled action/chase scene to the next, but the moments of him questioning his identity or making personal discoveries such as a scene where he realizes he can play the piano are decent. Aside from that one point however, everything else in Total Recall 2012 is either mediocre are below par. Unlike the 1990 film, Total Recall is an ugly movie to look at. Len Wiseman gives J. J. Abrams a run for his money with the awful "lens flare" effects filling the screen with visual noise and from the initial dream sequence that's filled with painful flashing lights you know parts of this movie will be challenging to look at for all the wrong reasons. The movie also plays itself much more seriously than the 1990 film as it plays the altered memory possibility in a manner similar to how the Jason Bourne films handled that character's amnesia, and the movie takes a very "post 9/11/Bush Administration" approach to its story with the core conflict of the government arranging attacks on itself in an attempt to give itself some semblance of cultural relevance and it's basically a xerox of a xerox at this point because the Prince of Persia movie did this same plotline two years before this movie and it wasn't particularly good there either.

I could probably give some leeway to the generic plot if the characters were the least bit interesting or memorable, but aside from a five minute appearance by John Cho as the Rekall rep who administers Quaid's memories most of the cast are non-entities. Jessica Biel feels lifeless as Melina, great actors like Bryan Cranston and Bill Nighy are given very stock roles with nothing for them to work with, but the real standout (for all the wrong reasons) is Kate Beckinsale as Lori who aside from a bunch of lifeless drones is the primary antagonist for Quaid to fight against and she is massively annoying. The character has basically been created as a merger of Richtor and Lori from the original film but not only is Beckinsale not threatening in the role, but with her constant childish taunting to Quaid and her motivation for trying to kill him being "Cohaagen never stopped talking about you" she comes off like a petulant child who's mad they're not getting enough attention. And despite this movie "not being a remake" the movie reminds you every few minutes of the original film by quoting dialogue from it, recreating visual references, and rather surprising for a PG-13 movie for this era they even bring back the three breasted topless woman.

Total Recall 2012 is expensive and pointless mediocrity. It's a dour emotionally muted film with action sequences that feel more akin to watching someone play a video game than watching a movie and instead of doing anything new or interesting with the material it does a generic bare minimum while reminding you of the original with visual and auditory references. Just watch the 1990 film.