A huge iceberg calves that holds a megalodon (mega shark) and a giant octopus frozen inside it. Deployment of a LFAS (low frequency automatic sonar) unit causes it to shatter. The two behemoths thaw and return to life. The shark terrorizes the California coast while the octopus creates havoc things near Japan. A group of three oceanographers put together a plan to draw the beasts into a trap with pheromones.Written by
When Emma, Seiji, and Lamar are interrogated, Baxter describes Emma as "a woman whose career is all washed-up." That's a reference to 'Debbie Gibson's music career, which reached its peak with the album Electric Youth in 1989, but floundered through the 1990s. See more »
Lamar is Irish; he would never be allowed to serve on a US nuclear submarine. See more »
You're not my boss anymore, Dick. Thanks for sticking up for me back there!
Emma, you're a good surveyist. You just need a little displine, that's all.
You fired me just to make me an example in order to keep the rest of your employees from speaking out against you. Now, stay the hell away from me and let me try to rebuild my life that you just ruined.
Before you walk away, do you want some advice?
[as Emma walks away]
Don't love the ocean too much. It doesn't love you back.
See more »
Watching a movie for camp value is a risky thing. To be sure, there are many movies that embrace their silliness and play up their camp value, but sometimes the best campy movies are the ones that take themselves too seriously without realizing that they're completely absurd to begin with. After viewing "Tale of the Mummy," and finally recognizing the virtues of an "unintentionally funny" movie, my friend and I decided to try again, this time with a movie whose title, "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" is so lame that the movie could only be campy fun...or so we thought.
Putting it bluntly, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. No amount of alcohol or other substance can bring out any entertainment value from this piece of crap. The acting is awful, the dialogue is a waste of printer paper, the special effects are an embarrassment, and worst of all, the movie doesn't make any sense. We hardly ever get to see the headlining stars, and when we do, they're just crude CGI effects that are repeated over and over again.
I'd describe the plot, but there it isn't coherent enough to begin with. All that I can tell you is that an ancient species of shark, the Megalodon (an actual species of shark, and that's the only thing that this movie gets right) and a king-sized octopus (that looks more like a squid) were found locked in battle in a giant ice cube. Somehow, they escape, and start terrorizing Japan and San Francisco. Now, it's up to three scientists to stop them.
The acting is awful. 80's pop star Deborah Gibson fares the best, although that's hardly praise. Vic Chao is horrible as her newfound love interest. Surprisingly, this is the only plot line that is coherent, and judging by how much we hate these two characters, that's not a good thing. Lorenzo Lamas is the worst of the lot as the idiot military guy, who wants to blow everything away instead of listening to the scientists (which, judging by their plan, is probably the smarter thing to do, except the movie expects us to sympathize with the moronic scientists...I guess gung-ho military types aren't all that bad).
This is what happens when you make a 200 million dollar epic for less than a dime. Camera shots are obviously repeated (sometimes the monsters are left out of a shot when they're supposed to be destroying something), the acting is grating, and the dialogue is cringe inducing. Even the extras look embarrassed, and they don't say anything. One could argue that this film might have worked with a bigger budget. The truth of the matter is, however creatively bankrupt Hollywood is, no one in the right mind would read this script without first running it through the paper shredder and burning all remnants of its existence.
Words cannot adequately describe how awful this movie is. Physical pain is almost pleasurable compared to the agony that this movie causes. This movie is hard to find, but it should be impossible. This movie should have never been made.
7 of 9 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?
| Report this