Homer Simpson: Insurance is the greatest deal ever. If I get hurt, I get paid. And *man* do I get hurt!
[cut to a montage of Homer's previous injuries]
Homer Simpson: [laughs] What a week.
Bart Simpson: So what's the plan now, Skinrash?
Principal Seymour Skinner: My name is not Skinrash. It's Principal Skinner, and you will refer to me as such.
Bart Simpson: Sure thing, Such.
Principal Seymour Skinner: I'll deal with your insubordinate wordplay later.
Marge Simpson: Of school!
Bart Simpson: What are you guys doing?
Marge Simpson: It's the first day of school.
Homer Simpson: You're the government's problem now!
[Some of the book club members have just been killed and the Simpsons don't have an insurance]
Marge Simpson: Oh my god, oh my god! We're totally liable!
[She and Lindsay Naegle look at each other and then kiss passionately]
Homer Simpson: Oh yeah.
Bart Simpson: I can't believe we have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack.
Homer Simpson: Hey! Who taught you language like that?
Bart Simpson: Kid at school.
Homer Simpson: So you *did* learn something!
Lisa Simpson: 96%? What did I get wrong?
Superintendent Chalmers: Several questions.
Lisa Simpson: Several? That's more than a few, and almost a bunch.
Principal Seymour Skinner: When you take the practice test, be sure to use a number two pencil.
[Holds a big pencil]
Bart Simpson: What kind of pencil do we use?
Principal Seymour Skinner: Number two. Take a number two.
Bart Simpson: Looks like you took a big number two!
Principal Seymour Skinner: Yes, as you can see, I have a big number two in my hands, enjoing the weight and feel of it.
[Kids laugh; Chalmers rolls eyes]
Bart Simpson: Wait a minute! This ain't no genius copter! This is Con Air!
Principal Seymour Skinner: Brilliant plan sending the all the underachievers to Capital City until the day after the test.
Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, *all* of them. Why, Seymour, I believe I left my sunglasses in the bus.
Principal Seymour Skinner: Well, I'd best retrieve them.
Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, you'd best.
[as Skinner enters the bus, Chalmers motions Otto to close the door]
Principal Seymour Skinner: Uh, sir?
Superintendent Chalmers: So long, superstars!
Principal Seymour Skinner: Let me explain this so that even the simplest can understand: You are being hidden in Capital City so that you won't weight down the test with your numbskullery and ruin the future of those students who are our future.
Bart Simpson: Told ya.
Kearney: Will there be other numbskulls there, sort of an numbskull Olympics?
Jimbo Jones: Hey, let's all act like numbskulls!
[They make dumb faces and go "duh"]
Nelson Muntz: Guys, guys, let's save it for the competition.
Ralph Wiggum: Mommy, I have to go potty.
Principal Seymour Skinner: Otto, pull the bus over. I said pull over!
Otto: Huh? Sorry, I was mesmerized by the little boy's dance.
Principal Seymour Skinner: Time to do what I've never done as school principal: something.
Lisa Simpson: [Thinking] Let's move on to question two. "Question two: using what you've learned from question one..."
Lisa Simpson: [Out loud] Aaargh!
Lisa Simpson: Bart, what did you put on question 36?
Bart Simpson: Slurp my snot!
Lisa Simpson: Bart!
Bart Simpson: That was my answer. I wrote down "Slurp my snot" in the answer sheet.
Lisa Simpson: Dad, Bart's throwing away his future!
Homer Simpson: Oh, no! Now who will sell oranges on the offramp?
[laughs and high-fives Bart]
Bart Simpson: Hey, Seymour, I just realized something. You're stuck babysitting us losers, which makes you the real loser.
Principal Seymour Skinner: For your information, I am not a loser. I am a successful school principal who paints houses in the summertime.
Dolph: You painted our garage in October and the paint's already peeling!
Principal Seymour Skinner: Your father insisted on using an inferior primer!