Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
[April meets the Turtles for the first time]
April O'Neil: What are you?
Leonardo: Well, miss, we're ninjas.
Raphael: We're mutants!
Donatello: Technically, we're turtles.
Michelangelo: And we're teenagers. But we can have adult conversations.
April O'Neil: So, you're... Ninja Mutant Turtle Teenagers?
Donatello: When you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous!
[the Turtles are in an elevator]
Michelangelo: [taps a rhythm on his nunchuks] MC Mikey!
[his brothers follow suit with their weapons]
Raphael: [to April in a menacing voice] Give me the camera.
Michelangelo: Oh look, he's doing his Batman voice...
Raphael: I only saw Batman once!
[the Turtles sneak back home]
Leonardo: [whispers] Fall in, QUIETLY.
Leonardo: Shhh! If Master Splinter catches us, he'll send us back to the Hashi.
Raphael: I ain't going back to the Hashi!
Leonardo: [shoves Raph] Every time we're in the Hashi, it's because of YOU!
Raphael: [shoves Leo] Well, bro, you don't have to worry about me dragging you down anymore!
Michelangelo: What's that supposed to mean?
Raphael: I'm going out on my own, first chance I get.
Michelangelo: How're we gonna finish our hip hop Christmas album, bro? You're the hype man!
[everyone starts shushing each other]
Raphael: [to Mikey] You spit in my eye!
Leonardo: Nobody's going out, we all stick together!
Michelangelo: [to Raph] Sorry I spat in your eye, bro.
Leonardo: I think this is it, guys!
[the Turtles and April start to plummet to the ground]
Leonardo: Does anyone have anything they wanna say? Donnie?
Donatello: I'm the one who eats the icing off the pop tarts in the morning and puts them back in the box!
Michelangelo: I so did not understand the ending of Lost!
Raphael: I just... uh, uh... If this our last moment together, I just want you guys to know I'm sorry! I'm sorry I was so hard on you! Ugh. Everytime I pushed you I... I threatened you, I yelled at you, I pushed you beyond your limits, it's because I believe in you! I believe in each one of you! I believe in you spirit and your intelligence and your potential! And every time I talked about walking away it was because I was scared! I just didn't think I was good enough to stand next to you and call you brothers, and say to you, I love you! I love you guys so much!
Donatello: Raph... we made it. You crying?
Raphael: No, ding dong. It's just a little dusty out here.
[April comes face to face with Michelangelo]
Michelangelo: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Chill! It's just a mask, see? Don't freak out.
[takes off his mask]
Donatello: [wakes up April] Ma'am, can you hear me? Do you know what city you're in? Do you know where you are?
Michelangelo: Have you seen that video where the cat is playing Chopsticks with chopsticks?
[as the Turtles leave]
Leonardo: [to April] Do NOT say a word about this to anyone. If you do, we will find you. April O'Neil.
Michelangelo: Yeeeaaah, we'll fiiiind yoooou! O'Neil!... I'm sorry, that came across super-creepy. We will find you, though!
[Splinter catches the Turtles sneaking in]
Splinter: Where have you been?
[knocks down Leonardo]
Raphael: We were working out!
[gets knocked down]
Donatello: I forgot to soak my retainer!
[gets knocked down]
Michelangelo: I'm totally sleepwalking! Mikey's sleeping, and walking, he's totally innocent!
[gets knocked down]
Michelangelo: [takes April] Come with me, I gotta safe place for you to hide. And if you're thirsty I got a secret stash of orange crush behind the fridge. Don't tell Raph.
[the Turtles crowd around a wounded Splinter; Splinter whispers to Michelangelo]
Leonardo: What did he say?
Michelangelo: He said "Please take your knee off my chest."
[Splinter brings out a pizza since his children won't speak]
Splinter: Of course, you've all tasted the five-cheese pizza. But this... cheesemongers have speculated its existence for centuries. Da Vinci's original masterpiece. I submit to you... Novantanove Formaggio, The 99-cheese pizza!
Michelangelo: It's not possible...
Donatello: Mikey, it's a trap! A pizza with that variety of cheese is a culinary impossibility!
Splinter: [holds out a piece to Michelangelo] Shall I list the ingredients? Cheddar... Provolone...
Leonardo: Mikey, don't you do it!
Donatello: Keep it together!
Michelangelo: I don't even know what that is...
Splinter: Mozzarella, of course...
Michelangelo: [cracks] Okay, okay, okay... We left the lair because the Foot were taking hostages, and we totally kicked butt, and there was this girl named April O'Neil who took our picture... but we took care of it!
[after beating the Foot, the Turtles celebrate on a rooftop]
Raphael: That's what I'm talking about! This is OUR city! These are OUR streets!
Michelangelo: You mess with us, you steppin' to the Wu-TANG!
Raphael: Did you see that guy's jaw connect with the concrete?
Donatello: He'll be drinking out of a sippy cup for months!
Raphael: That's what I'm talking about! Like shadows in the night, completely unseen...
[April takes a picture]
Michelangelo: What was that?
Donatello: It's a camera flash...
Michelangelo: Guys, did you see? I totally talked to a girl!
[Shredder attacks the Turtles as they defend the tower]
Leonardo: Donnie, what are the odds of surviving this?
Leonardo: I'll take it!
Raphael: Hey, Mikey, remember that thing you used to say when we were kids?
Michelangelo: You made me promise never to say it again...
Raphael: Forget about that! Still got one in the tank?
Michelangelo: I've been holding it in for years...
[the Turtles charge at the Shredder]
Vernon Fenwick: You're a talking turtle...
Raphael: Yeah, and you're a human nerd. Now that we've got that out of the way, HIT IT!
Vernon Fenwick: So they're aliens?
April O'Neil: No, that's stupid. They're turtles.
Bernadette Thompson: Is there anything else we should know about them?
April O'Neil: They're ninjas.
Michelangelo: [smashes through a Foot SUV and grabs the wheel] Hey, I'm drivin'!
Splinter: Like all children, they were drawn to the distractions of popular culture. And I knew, one day they would want to explore the world above.
[remembers the young turtles dancing to Hollaback Girl]
Splinter: They would be ridiculed. They would need to learn to protect themselves, both mentally and physically.
[while sweeping, Splinter finds a book on ninjutsu]
Splinter: And then I found a way. First, I would teach myself the ancient art of ninjutsu. The others followed my lead, accelerating at a wondrous rate. Their gift was also their passion; they lived, breathed and dreamed of martial arts. Then, they were ready.
Splinter: You are extraordinary, my sons. Unlike anything the world has ever seen. Bowed in greatness, destined to protect the people of New York! A dark force is growing: a criminal organization known as the Foot Clan, so named because they step over the good people of this city with no regard. Their leader, Shredder, will come at you with ferocity. His Foot Clan will outnumber you! The people of New York will look upon you as their only hope. Eyes focused! Elbows locked! Stance lowered! Be one with the blades! I know you are eager to answer their calls. But your training is not yet complete. The world below must remain your home. As your father, you must trust me and be patient. You are not yet ready to go above ground, but I believe when that day comes, when you rise to the streets, you will be responsible for amazing things.
Michelangelo: Leo's in trouble!
Raphael: My shell's cracked... just duct tape it up...
Donatello: Allow me to be the badass for once!
[goes to save Leonardo]
Raphael: Looking for this?
[holds up April's phone]
April O'Neil: No no no, don't break that! Please!
Leonardo: [takes the phone out of Raph's hand] How many times do I have to tell you? We don't break things, we fix them. Donnie already wiped the pic, genius! Problem solved! Moving on!
Raphael: Who made you boss?
Leonardo: You know who did.
[both get in each others' faces]
Michelangelo: Oooh, tension. It's been like thirty whole minutes since you had this conversation.
[Donatello checks out the Foot and sees they're armed]
Donatello: Oh my Gosh, they have guns!
[the Turtles take April and Vernon through the sewers]
Michelangelo: Please keep your hands and feet inside the shell at all times!
[seeing all the Turtles and Shredder]
Vernon Fenwick: Four turtles... one's fighting a robot samurai. Why not?
Eric Sachs: Crime, violence and fear have run rampant. Our great city is being destroyed. People want justice restored to this world. People want heroes, Miss O'Neil.
[unveils an array of chemicals]
Eric Sachs: But heroes are not born, they're created. That's what your father and I were trying to do: create heroes.
Splinter: You live, you die, you fight as brothers. Remember, nothing is as strong as family...
[raises a katana and takes on the Shredder]
Leonardo: We were created as weapons, and we knew the world would never accept us... but one day, it would need us.
Splinter: My sons, your training is not yet complete. But you will become the warriors that legends are made of.
Leonardo: All these years you told us we were rescued from the fire by a great guardian spirit, a hogosha.
Splinter: That's right.
[points at April]
Splinter: This is the hogosha.
[all the Turtles bow to April]
Michelangelo: [whispers] Dude, my girlfriend is the hogosha...
[Leo hits him]
[all the Turtles are in the Hashi]
Michelangelo: [doing a handstand on a swivel chair] Guys, I'm in the zone! There's literally nothing that can break me right now!
[Splinter tosses a pizza at Michelangelo]
Michelangelo: Starting to crack...
[the Turtles show off their assault van]
Michelangelo: Check the bases, bro!
[activates missiles that blow up a car]
Michelangelo: My bad... still figuring out the buttons...
Raphael: [to Leo] Why are you always telling me what to do?
[punches out a Foot Ninja behind Leonardo]
[all the Turtles get jammed in a tunnel]
Donatello: [smells a fart] Mikey, was that you?
Michelangelo: Eh... pepperoni.
Shredder: All these years I've been trying to recreate the mutagen. And you... you just handed it to me.
Splinter: [draws his sword] You will not lay a hand on my sons!
Shredder: [laughs] Your sons? You think you're their father?
Splinter: Listen closely, April. I don't remember a time before living in that laboratory. That fateful night started like any other: Sachs gave us our injections, your father made sure our vital signs were strong, and you as always provided us with a special treat. After the brothers went to sleep, I heard loud voices... it was the smell of smoke. Alarms sounded. Your father had discovered the truth behind the man he was working for. He set fire to the lab; his last breath was taken trying to destroy Shredder's plan. I was terrified. But then you appeared, and ushered us to safety.
Splinter: I never had a voice, then. But I thank you now, April.
[sliding down a mountainslope]
Raphael: Hey Donnie, do that fancy slingshot thing! We're gonna take Little Miss Sunshine out!
Donatello: Batter up!
[with his staff, he swings Raphael into Karai's SUV]
[Raph picks up his brothers' weapons]
Raphael: Let's go save my brothers!
Bernadette Thompson: There are four six-foot talking turtles walking around New York City, and no one has seen them but you?
April O'Neil: That's what I'm telling you.
Bernadette Thompson: Okay, get out.
Splinter: [to April] I saw how your father loved you, and I knew I had to show that same love to the Turtles. I became their father, and they became my sons.
Splinter: Everything they are, and everything they have become, was made possible by the bravery you displayed on that fateful night.
April O'Neil: I was just a little girl...
Splinter: And you gave us freedom, where others would have kept us in cages.
Raphael: Ram the gate!
Vernon Fenwick: Ram the gate? This is Channel 6 property!
Raphael: I SAID RAM THE GATE!
[the Turtles bring April to their lair]
Michelangelo: Welcome to my crib, girl!
April O'Neil: Where are we?
Michelangelo: This is our Fortress of Solitude, our Hogwarts, our Xavier's Academy, our secret Wonderland!
April O'Neil: [sniffs] Are we in the sewer?
Donatello: Technically, yes.
[April leans out of a truck to get photos]
Vernon Fenwick: O'Neil, what are you doing?
[sees her derriere]
Vernon Fenwick: [stares] Yeah, that's good. Make sure you're getting everything...
[nearly crashes the truck]
Eric Sachs: [to a shadowy figure] We're taking your armour to the next level...
Donatello: Surveillance are showing heavy, HEAVY Foot Clan activity.
Raphael: They've taken hostages, dude...
Leonardo: You know we're not supposed to go above ground!
Raphael: We've done this before. We started something, and we gotta finish it.
Michelangelo: [looking at a monitor] This is insane... that cat is playing Chopsticks with chopsticks!
Leonardo: Don't be an idiot!
[changes the monitor's channel, to Mikey's chagrin]
Leonardo: Okay... let's rock and roll, boys!
Splinter: Legend tells us they came at a time of great pestilence. Farms yielded no food, hearts no hope. Jealousy and spite lured them to us... the demons, the Yokai. Through fear, they enslaved the people. But a remnant of hope shined bright in the darkness... the kappa yokai. Summoned not from anger as the demons, but instead by their hogosha. Though powerful, they would require training from a master in the art of ninjutsu; one who could teach them the principles of honour, courage, wisdom and brotherhood; to become true heroes and defeat the warlord. With these newfound skills in ninjutsu, the kappa yokai were a deadly force. And for the first time in many years, darkness was banished from the land. One generation passed the legend on to the next, preserving their memory should they be needed once more...
Eric Sachs: [shoots at April] This is history, repeating itself! Your father walked in on me, April, just like you did!
April O'Neil: You killed my father...
Michelangelo: [spars with Donnie] Wassup, bro? You want some of this? I'm like a ghost! I'm over here, then I'm over here bro! I'm a shadow! I'm a flying shadow fire dragon!
[Donatello knocks him down]
Donatello: I always wanted to try this...
[uses his staff as a fulcrum to tip over a moving SUV]
Michelangelo: [fights the Foot] Wassup, bro? Oh, you want some of this? I'm a snapping turtle fool! Snap, snap, snap!
Shredder: [is blocked by Splinter's sword] Very good, rat.
[the young Turtles play buck-buck, Raphael walks off]
Leonardo: Where're you going, Raph? I need all of you!
Raphael: It's stupid - like you, Mikey!
[Raph discovers his brothers are in cages, with one cage empty]
Shredder: Raphael, glad you could join us. The fourth cage is for you!
Michelangelo: So guys, if it wasn't already obvious with that girl... dibs!
[Michelangelo stares at April]
Michelangelo: [whispers] Oh, she's hot, I can feel my shell tightening...
Raphael: We can hear you!
Raphael: [faces Shredder] Come on!
[gets thrown into a wall]
Shredder: [beats Raphael] The rat did not teach you well!
Eric Sachs: Inside those turtles is the most precious compound on earth - mutagen. I want you to drain every ounce of their blood, even if it kills them!
[April stares at the Turtles]
Raphael: See, she's looking at us like we're freaks! I bet that's why you took our picture, wasn't it, to show to your friends?
Michelangelo: Bro, that's a good thing. Maybe she has hot friends!
April O'Neil: SHREDDER!
[stabs the Shredder with one of Raphael's sais]
Shredder: You stupid little girl...
April O'Neil: [on air] Three days ago, New York would have called Eric Sachs its hero. But today, we know he's one of the greatest villains this city has ever faced. How were we so easily fooled? And what can we learn from this tragedy? Maybe, it's that heroes aren't exactly who you might expect them to be. They're not wealthy billionaires, they're not square-jawed comic-book characters with flowing capes. Heroes can be anyone. Like the vigilantes that saved this city. They were born in shadow, they live in shadow, they fight in shadow, and they always will.
[April and Vernon spot the Turtle Van moving through a crowd]
April O'Neil: Swing me toward him!
[the Turtles swing April at Shredder and she knocks him off]
Michelangelo: That's my girl!
Karai: We know you're out there! If you don't surrender, we start executing hostages!
Donatello: BAM! System disabled! Who wants Italian? I'm buying! Tiramisu for everybody!
Eric Sachs: [sees April and Vernon] You two are adorable. I could just pinch your cheeks!
[shoots at them]
Shredder: [beats the Turtles] Enough! The lesson is over.