Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
Tony Shalhoub: Splinter
[Splinter catches the Turtles sneaking in]
Splinter : Where have you been?
[knocks down Leonardo]
Raphael : We were working out!
[gets knocked down]
Donatello : I forgot to soak my retainer!
[gets knocked down]
Michelangelo : I'm totally sleepwalking! Mikey's sleeping, and walking, he's totally innocent!
[gets knocked down]
[Splinter brings out a pizza since his children won't speak]
Splinter : Of course, you've all tasted the five-cheese pizza. But this... cheesemongers have speculated its existence for centuries. Da Vinci's original masterpiece. I submit to you... Novantanove Formaggio, The 99-cheese pizza!
Michelangelo : It's not possible...
Donatello : Mikey, it's a trap! A pizza with that variety of cheese is a culinary impossibility!
Splinter : [holds out a piece to Michelangelo] Shall I list the ingredients? Cheddar... Provolone...
Leonardo : Mikey, don't you do it!
Splinter : Asiago...
Donatello : Keep it together!
Splinter : Taleggio...
Michelangelo : I don't even know what that is...
Splinter : Mozzarella, of course...
Michelangelo : [cracks] Okay, okay, okay... We left the lair because the Foot were taking hostages, and we totally kicked butt, and there was this girl named April O'Neil who took our picture... but we took care of it!
Splinter : Like all children, they were drawn to the distractions of popular culture. And I knew, one day they would want to explore the world above.
[remembers the young turtles dancing to Hollaback Girl]
Splinter : They would be ridiculed. They would need to learn to protect themselves, both mentally and physically.
[while sweeping, Splinter finds a book on ninjutsu]
Splinter : And then I found a way. First, I would teach myself the ancient art of ninjutsu. The others followed my lead, accelerating at a wondrous rate. Their gift was also their passion; they lived, breathed and dreamed of martial arts. Then, they were ready.
Splinter : You are extraordinary, my sons. Unlike anything the world has ever seen. Bowed in greatness, destined to protect the people of New York! A dark force is growing: a criminal organization known as the Foot Clan, so named because they step over the good people of this city with no regard. Their leader, Shredder, will come at you with ferocity. His Foot Clan will outnumber you! The people of New York will look upon you as their only hope. Eyes focused! Elbows locked! Stance lowered! Be one with the blades! I know you are eager to answer their calls. But your training is not yet complete. The world below must remain your home. As your father, you must trust me and be patient. You are not yet ready to go above ground, but I believe when that day comes, when you rise to the streets, you will be responsible for amazing things.
Splinter : You live, you die, you fight as brothers. Remember, nothing is as strong as family...
[raises a katana and takes on the Shredder]
Splinter : My sons, your training is not yet complete. But you will become the warriors that legends are made of.
Splinter : Listen closely, April. I don't remember a time before living in that laboratory. That fateful night started like any other: Sachs gave us our injections, your father made sure our vital signs were strong, and you as always provided us with a special treat. After the brothers went to sleep, I heard loud voices... it was the smell of smoke. Alarms sounded. Your father had discovered the truth behind the man he was working for. He set fire to the lab; his last breath was taken trying to destroy Shredder's plan. I was terrified. But then you appeared, and ushered us to safety.
Splinter : I never had a voice, then. But I thank you now, April.
Splinter : [to April] I saw how your father loved you, and I knew I had to show that same love to the Turtles. I became their father, and they became my sons.
Splinter : Legend tells us they came at a time of great pestilence. Farms yielded no food, hearts no hope. Jealousy and spite lured them to us... the demons, the Yokai. Through fear, they enslaved the people. But a remnant of hope shined bright in the darkness... the kappa yokai. Summoned not from anger as the demons, but instead by their hogosha. Though powerful, they would require training from a master in the art of ninjutsu; one who could teach them the principles of honour, courage, wisdom and brotherhood; to become true heroes and defeat the warlord. With these newfound skills in ninjutsu, the kappa yokai were a deadly force. And for the first time in many years, darkness was banished from the land. One generation passed the legend on to the next, preserving their memory should they be needed once more...