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Title: Hatchet II (2010)
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| Cast overview, first billed only: | |||
| Danielle Harris | ... | Marybeth Dunstan | |
| Tony Todd | ... | Reverend Zombie | |
| Kane Hodder | ... | Victor Crowley / Thomas Crowley | |
| Parry Shen | ... | Justin | |
| Tom Holland | ... | Bob | |
| R.A. Mihailoff | ... | Trent | |
| AJ Bowen | ... | Layton | |
| Alexis Kendra | ... | Avery (as Alexis Peters) | |
| Ed Ackerman | ... | Cleatus | |
 |
David Foy | ... | Chad |
| Colton Dunn | ... | Vernon | |
| Rick McCallum | ... | John | |
| John Carl Buechler | ... | Jack Cracker | |
| Kathryn Fiore | ... | Shyann Crowley | |
| Erika Hamilton | ... | Lena | |
Marybeth escapes the clutches of the deformed, swamp-dwelling iconic killer Victor Crowley. After learning the truth about her family's connection to the hatchet-wielding madman, Marybeth returns to the Louisiana swamps along with an army of hunters to recover the bodies of her family and exact the bloodiest revenge against the bayou butcher. Written by Anonymous
*1/2 out of (****)
Starting out with a bang, Hatchet II boasts a discordant heavy-metal track in its opening credits. And then... it's just a dry, paint-by-numbers, never involving picture that is a complete waste of celluloid. This movie just fails miserably on all accounts. It's not fun enough to be an addition to the so-bad-it's-good subgenre. It's not scary enough to be a horror film. It's not gory enough to start new records. It doesn't even epically fail to the point where it gains cult status ("Troll 2"). It's just a very mediocre project. Green said that the script and directing took only a month for writing and directing combined. It truly shows. The production values are cheap, the performances are so wooden they gave me splinters, and the direction is just horrible. As for people praising the gore, I find it vastly overrated. What's here that we haven't seen before? Not to mention it's not as noticeable considering its dark atmosphere.
First, let's start out with the acting. Literally every character I hated. The relationship between Uncle Bob and Marybeth was just annoying. Tony Todd was so uncharismatic and amateur. The two characters in the film that had a relationship were so mediocre and the delivery of their performances was just flat. The rest of the gang were one dimensional like cardboard cutouts. Furthermore, the story is just so uninteresting. Yes, this is a sequel so a great script is something hard to find, but the story is just so cliché and the director never goes that extra mile. He makes a cookie-cutter effort. To put the cherry on top, Green's bloodshed extravaganza had the iconic "Unrated" rating after battling with the MPAA. My question is... why? There's maybe a minute of boobs, and the gore is that of "Saw", which even then, is hard to see considering the lack of lighting.
Now with dumb films like these, I can have fun. Well... if they ARE fun. Hatchet II is so devoid of fun. It's actually everything but. What doesn't work is the direction. The pacing is very incoherent (you have a lagging start, then a slow middle, and a fast ending?), the movie can take itself way too seriously, yet it can have fun (but usually at the dumbest times though).
Only a two-week theatrical run in cinemas. Not screened for critics. "Hatchet II" has all the signs of a bad movie because it is one. You can drown your mashed potatoes with gravy, but then where's the substance? Well, you aren't drowning them anyway, seeing as though you can't even TASTE the gravy. That's pretty much the best analogy I can give for "Hatchet II". I've tried to tell people time and time again that movies like this just keep getting more and more generic. Name a slasher that came out recently that was actually worth your time. You're still thinking? So am I.