John Cho: Harold
Harold : You still haven't explained the gay thing.
Kumar : You're not gay, motherfucker!
Harold : At all.
Neil Patrick Harris : Yeah that's something us magicians like to call misdirection. Just a little something I picked up from my man, Clay Aiken.
Kumar : What? Clay Aiken's not gay?
Neil Patrick Harris : Are you kidding me? Clay's the biggest coos hound I know. That guy gets mad gash.
Harold : Koreans have killed his mother and now his tree. Christmas is ruined.
Kenneth Park : This is a Sharp 52" Aquos Quattron TV with state-of-the-art 3D technology that makes Avatar look Avatar-ded.
Harold : I don't know. Hasn't the whole 3D thing jumped shark by now?
Kenneth Park : Mr. Lee, you don't understand. This is the best 3D you've ever seen. It's gonna be amazing!
[Kenneth gives two thumbs up to the audience]
Harold : Who are you looking at?
Harold : I shot Santa in the face! He's real! And I shot him in the face!