Trama

As Susan continues to work as a teachers' aide, she tries to stay on the reading teacher and her employer's, Jessie's, good side since she will be evaluating Susan's performance. But Jessie, who happens to be a closeted lesbian, mistakes Susan's stuttering and lame attempts to be friendly as come-ons. Meanwhile, Edie begins looking for more information at a local newspaper office for information on the people who died in Mike's car accident years earlier, and discovers the connection between the victims, and Dave, who continues to badger Mike into taking him and Katherine out on a camping trip. Lynette interviews for an ad job for herself, and soon answers one. Bree forces Orson to attend therapy sessions for their marital troubles, as well as his kleptomania. Following the death of his boss, Carlos gets a promotion, which will lead to him working with Lucy, an overweight, but attractive woman in her late 30s... and who happens to be Carlos's ex-roommate and very first love interest which sparks both surprise and jealousy in Gabrielle.—matt-282

"Desperate Housewives"- "The Stoyr of Lucy and Jessie" - March 15, 2009

Carlos and Gaby are at Brad's funeral. Turns out Brad didn't get to talk to the CEO before he died. So the CEO gives Carlos his job.

Edie wants to look up Dave in an archive at the Mount Pleasant Gazette newspaper. She enters and asks the older gentleman behind the counter for information on Dave Dash. All the guy can find are obits for Lila and Paige Dash. If he can find anything else it will take a couple of days he says. All of which is, of course, news to Edie.

Bree arrives home to find Gaby and Susan chatting on the sidewalk. Susan is missing her candy dish. She tells Bree that Orson was admiring it. Bree gulps, knowing that Juanita didn't take it like Gaby and Susan fear. Bree calls and cancels her appointments with Andrew.

Lynette is at a job interview. She hears from Tom that none of her other prospects have come through. Two young women talk about how marketing/advertising is a young woman's game. They joke that anyone over 35 gets taken out back and shot in the face. When Lynette's name is called she says to the two women if they hear a gunshot to tell her four children she loves them.

Susan is doing an imagination building exercise with the kids having them listen to music and draw whatever it is the music inspires them. The main art teacher Jessie - played by Swoosie Kurtz- is not impressed by these crayon scribbles and reminds Susan that with the expensive tuition the parents want real results and that's why she was having them make clay vases. Susan says she is trying to be creative. Jessie shrugs and leaves. One of the kids asks Susan what an evaluation is. Susan explains and tells the little girl not to worry since she won't be evaluated. The little girl informs her that it is Susan who is being evaluated, by the new art teacher. The little girl overheard other teachers talking about it. Susan tells them to put their crayons down and start picking up some clay.

Orson arrives home to find Bree has found his stash of stolen stuff and has put it all the dining room table. She makes him sit and tells him to start talking. She wonders why this insanity is still going on since he said it was a one time thing. He says it was but then it started giving him a thrill. She suggests a shrink. He says he's not crazy and promises he'll stop. She says he is now forbidden from entering their friend's homes and she will take care of getting the things back to their proper places.

Susan invites Jessie over to help positively influence her evaluation. She compliments Jessie's great figure and outfit. She lets slip that she's "through with men" since Mike started shacking up with Katherine. Jessie seems glad about this news. They get tipsy and talk about relationships with Jessie saying she isn't giving up on love, she's already given up. Susan says she won't let her since she's so smart and funny and adorable and then she grabs Jessie's knee. As Susan shows Jessie out, they both say they've had a great time and Jessie wonders if they can do it again. Susan tells her to consider it a date. Jessie then leans forward and kisses Susan...on the mouth.

Mike arrives to tell Dave that Katherine can't make the camping trip. She's going to do her taxes. Dave is upset and tries to get Mike to convince her. Mike says it will be better because then it can be a guy thing and they scratch themselves and burp and stuff. Besides Katherine was never part of the original plan anyway says Mike. "No she wasn't," mutters Dave sinisterly under his breath.

The next day at poker Susan explains to Gaby, Lee, and Lynette how her boss kissed her. They press her for details but she can't remember them since she was drinking. So Gaby asks what kind of kiss it was and offers two options by demonstration: a chaste goodbye and a more, ahem, involved variety. Susan says it was the latter. They all tease her. When Lynette finds out it's her boss she says Susan should let her kiss her again then sue her. Lee titters and says he'll see Susan at the parades.

As everyone is leaving Lynette asks Gaby to put in a good word for her to Carlos since she knows he's looking for a new director of marketing. Gaby says she loves Lynette as her friend but has no idea if she's good at her job and doesn't know if Carlos can take such a big risk. Lynette is aghast at Gaby's lack of confidence but lets it drop.

Gaby has made the house lovely to welcome Carlos' new number two to the company. He waits until she almost arrives to inform Gaby that it's his old roommate Lucy Blackburn. Gaby is mad since she knows Carlos slept with her at one time. Carlos says it was casual and a million years ago and that he really needs Lucy's help since he's in over his head with his new job. Gaby says she is not on board with this just as the doorbell rings. When Gaby sees Lucy, and that she is lovely but chubby, she's back on board.

At dinner Lucy impresses with an offer to get a specific guy for CFO. She excuses herself to take a call from him. Gaby asks if Carlos was surprised by Lucy's appearance. Carlos says she looks the same. Gaby can't believe he slept with a fat girl. He says she's brilliant, witty, and confident and that can be seductive. She comes back and says she's gotten that CFO and to "sizzle" her. He licks a finger and places it on her butt and makes the sizzle noise . Gaby doesn't like the looks of this and gets a lightbulb. She asks if they're still looking for a marketing director.

Bree goes on her return-the-stolen-goods mission at the Scavo's, Katherine's, Susan's, and Gaby's under the pretense of picking up various items: aspirin, eggs, etc. Gaby comes back more quickly then Bree expected and notices the little thing that Bree has returned- a "sleeping Mexican"- and wonders where it came from. Bree wonders why Gaby is surprised to see it. It turns out, hilariously, that it's Mrs. McCluskey's, Gaby has always thought it was racist. Gaby calls Juanita down and yells at her thinking she stole it from McCluskeys' porch. (Along with Susan's candy dish). Bree is freaked out at how harshly Gaby is treating Juanita and says maybe Juanita's telling the truth and she didn't take it. Juanita agrees and accuses Bree of being the thief. Bree changes her tune at this and says when her children stole she sent them to bed without supper.

As she leaves she sees Orson leaving Bob and Lee's with something in his pocket. She chases him down and forces him to fork it over. He claims the item is his. Bree has trouble believing this since it's a mug with a picture of Bernadette Peters in "Gypsy" on it.

Lynette enters another job interview and the boss man seems obsessed with finding out her age. She dodges all his age-related questions and tries to tell him about her vast experience but he explains he wanted to know because their latest account is anti-wrinkle cream and he needs someone "mature" to work on it. She claims she's 54.

Back at home Lynette is beside herself that the guy didn't even flinch. (She's 43). Tom says who cares, she got the job. And it pays 80 grand. Gaby arrives and tells Lynette she got her the job with Carlos. Lynette explains she already got another job. Gaby tells her to turn it down. Lynette says they'll have to match her offer. She claims she's getting 100k. Gaby says that won't be a problem and that Lynette will want to keep an eye on Carlos' number 2, Lucy, since she's really something.

At school Jessie shows up with a latte for Susan. Jessie seems excited to see her again. Susan tries to explain that she's not into women. Jessie doesn't believe her and tries to convince Susan that there's a lesbian inside her trying to get out. Susan says she's more worried about the lesbian outside trying to get in.

Dave arrives to convince Katherine to come on the camping trip. She says he should be happy to not have a girl tagging along. He says quite the contrary, he wants to become friends with Katherine, since he has such few friends and is so impressed with how happy she's made Mike. She's convinced. She wonders if she's made a real difference to Mike. Dave assures her she has and that Mike would be devastated if he lost her.

Susan is going over the kids' drawings and ooh-ing and ah-ing over their gazelles and rhinos. Jesse starts to make insinuations about which animal Susan would be interested in on safari. Susan claims she has always preferred rhinos. No gazelles, not even in college, wonders Jessie? Even though they're still in the room full of kids they drop the metaphor-speak and Jessie wonders why Susan invited her over in the first place. Susan admits she invited Jesse over just to get a good evaluation. Jessie walks out upset.

In a meeting, Lynette offers up her first idea. Wooing millionaires going to a Christie's auction on a boat in St. Bart's. Lucy loves it and says she hasn't been to St. Bart's since Carlos took her there for her first promotion. Carlos leaves. Lynette asks about this old trip to St. Bart's. Lucy explains how she and Carlos used to live together. Lynette says Gaby didn't mention it. Lucy says that's what's so cool about Gaby, even though she knows about her and Carlos' history she's not freaking out about it. Yeah, Gaby, so cool, says Lynette who realizes why she got the job.

Jesse re-enters the classroom and Susan apologizes. Jesse is terse with her and says she was going to give her a good evaluation. Susan says she needs this job but would still be friends with Jesse. Jesse doesn't want her pity. Susan says she loves pity because it's about sympathizing and empathizing. Jesse doesn't see how she can since she's never put herself out there, never been in love, and is lonely and throwing herself at straight women. Susan says she's been putting herself out there and is still alone. She knows it's not the same thing but that she's not so unlike Jesse in that she's alone. But she's not lonely because she has friends and offers her friendship to Jesse. Jesse wonders if Susan hugs her friends. They hug.

Gaby is waiting for Lynette when she gets home claiming she wants to know about Lynette's first day and, oh, about Lucy. Lynette knows what's happening and toys with Gaby saying she's tired and wants to go to bed. Gaby gets nervous that when she asked abou Lucy that Lynette got weird. She says Gaby only helped her get the job to be a spy. Gaby says Lynette used her too, knowing she was bluffing about the 100k. They agree to still be friends as long Lynette remains a spy and Gaby lets her keep her salary.

As Dave packs to go camping, Edie asks him if he ever wanted kids. He wonders if she's coyly saying she wants kids. She says she barely sees Travers' now that he's at prep school. But wouldn't Dave like to have a beautiful little girl? Dave goes into a trance and describes a friend who had the perfect little girl and she died in an accident and the friend obsessively thought about the child and so no, he doesn't want a child. It's just not worth it. Edie looks stricken. Dave asks her what's wrong. She says she just feels sad for his "friend."

Bree and Orson are at therapist's office to discuss his kleptomania. The therapist asks if they want to do couple's counseling. Bree says it's not her problem and for the doctor to fix Orson. Bree leaves. Orson points out that the reason she hates his problem so much is because it's something she can't control...and he loves it.

Edie sees Dave off on his camping trip and tells him to be careful.

A younger man at the newspaper tells the older gentleman that he found the article that the hot lady was looking for. The guy says they can wait til tomorrow to fax it to her since she was a pain in the ass. We see a copy of the article, it's a picture of Mike with a headline explaining that a Fairview man won't be charged in the crash that killed two.

Mary Alice comes back to tell us about people with agendas: the woman who uses her neighbor to get herself a job (Lynette), the wife who uses her influence to hire a friendly spy (Gaby), the husband who uses his charm to steal from his friends (Orson). We see Katherine, Mike, and Dave pile into the truck and Mary Alice tells us that you can be sure the friendiest people of all, have agendas that will never be discovered. Until it's too late.