- Penny: [proving to Leonard that Stephanie has moved in with him] Hmm... Cute dresses. I bet this looks great on you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: We're not living together.
- Penny: Okay. Hmm... Scented candles, fuzzy slippers. Ooh, floral bed sheets.
- Leonard Hofstadter: We're not living together!
- Penny: Okay, moving on. Uh, who are these guys at Disney World?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Uh... the big dog is Goofy. And... the older couple with the mouse ears, I have no idea.
- [Penny smiles at him]
- Leonard Hofstadter: We're not living together!
- Penny: You're gonna go down swinging, huh? All right. Well, we've got your body lotion, your "In Style" magazine, your jewelry box.
- Leonard Hofstadter: We're not- where's my Bat-Signal?
- Penny: You have a Bat-Signal?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I did. It was right here. She must have...
- [realization dawns on Leonard]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, my God. We're living together.
- Penny: [sarcastically] Really? What was your first clue?
- Leonard Hofstadter: What do I say to her?
- Penny: I don't know. What do women say to you when they want to slow your relationship down?
- Leonard Hofstadter: "I really like you, but I want to see how things go with Mark?"
- [first lines]
- Stephanie Barnett: I don't see anything at all, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Fuuh! You're the doctor, but I'm constantly hearing this annoying sound.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Me, too.
- Sheldon Cooper: Is it a high-frequency whistle?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, it's more of a relentless narcissistic drone.
- Stephanie Barnett: Yep, there's no inflammation at all, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Then it must be a tumor.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Don't you think if a woman was living with me that I'd be the first one to know about it?
- Penny: Oh, sweetie, you'd be the last one to know about it.
- Howard Wolowitz: There's a whole buffet of women out there, and you're just standing in the corner, eating the same deviled egg over and over again.
- Leonard Hofstadter: At least I have an egg. What do you have?
- Howard Wolowitz: A veritable smorgasbord of potential sexual partners. See the blonde over there? I can hit on her and you can't.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So go hit on her.
- Howard Wolowitz: [after an awkward pause] She's not my type.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Too bad, 'cause she was checking you out before.
- Howard Wolowitz: She was?
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Of course not. Look at her.
- Penny: Out of coffee. Need coffee.
- Stephanie Barnett: Uh, hello.
- Penny: Hi! Stephanie, right?
- Stephanie Barnett: Uh-huh. And, and, and you are?
- Penny: I'm Penny, I live across the hall. I've heard a lot about you.
- Stephanie Barnett: Really?
- Penny: Mm-hmm.
- Stephanie Barnett: I haven't heard a thing about you. Leonard? Why haven't I heard a thing about this woman who lives across the hall and comes into your apartment in the morning in her underwear?
- Leonard Hofstadter: She's heard about you because we're, you know, involved and you haven't heard about her because... I never slept with her, I swear!
- [last lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: [speaking via a computer] We are out of herbal tea. Do you have any?
- Penny: Hold on, I'll go check.
- Sheldon Cooper: Some hiney would be nice.
- [Sheldon realizes his mistake right away]
- Penny: [offended] Hiney?
- Sheldon Cooper: [retypes] Honey.
- Penny: Come on, Leonard, you are entitled to try and make things go the way you want them to!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Really?
- Penny: Yes! You don't always have to go along with what the woman wishes.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Huh.
- Penny: What?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Nothing. Just rethinking my whole life.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Maybe it's'a residual bacterial infection from getting toilet swirlies.
- Sheldon Cooper: It is possible. I got a lot of those. Even at church.
- Stephanie Barnett: If it's from a swirlie, I have something for that. Circle, circle, dot, dot, now you've got a cootie shot.
- Howard Wolowitz: [Leonard is having difficulty breaking up with Stephanie] Why don't you text her?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Isn't that cowardly?
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, yeah. It's beyond contemptible.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: But then again, you are wearing a bird sweater.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What's going on?
- Stephanie Barnett: I just performed a Sheldonectomy.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Careful, if you don't get it all it'll only come back worse.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Do you have any fabric softener?
- Penny: Yeah, sure.
- [Leonard empties the bottle into the washer]
- Penny: What are you washing, a crocodile?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, the pants that Stephanie got me.
- Penny: Sweetie, you can't machine wash these. They'll be ruined.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Are you sure?
- Penny: Absolutely.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Leonard puts the pants back into the washer and starts it] Oh no, I wish you'd told me that sooner.
- Howard Wolowitz: [Leonard is scratching himself at the cafeteria] New pants?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, Stephanie got 'em for me.
- Howard Wolowitz: Nice. Cotton?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Actually, I think it's more of a wool-fire ant blend.