Clifton "H-Man" Haymaker and Carol "Clyde" Sally are detectives in the Organized Crime unit of the notoriously corrupt King City Police Department. Given what seems a pointless assignment-to investigate the meaning of a card bearing nothing more than a roughly sketched image of a bearded man-they find themselves instead in a baffling underworld, following a trail of copy store clerks, pornographers, dubiously retired crime lords, and private contractors to find themselves at the feet of city hall, the U.S. Army, and the baddest bearded ninja ever to grace the silver screen. Can the H-Man and Clyde stay alive long enough to solve the riddle of the Beards? Can anyone in King City be trusted? Are our heroes any better than the criminals they pursue? Would it be a good idea to consult your doctor before viewing this movie? Will career officers have harrowing flashbacks during the action scenes? Probably. Buckle your belts, check your cups, and brace yourself for a double shot of buddy cop!
—Damon Agnos