Metal Man (2008 Video)
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To end i have to quote my 13 yr old son who started to watch this film and walked out after 15 minutes! His comment made me laugh though 'i've seen better power rangers dad'. Says it all really. Awful Awful Awful! On every level!
Let's look at this film on a critical level: a mad scientist decides to turn a teenager (who's about 30) into a sub-level Iron Man, complete with dodgy helmet and unspecified powers. As he is being tested in a cold room (?) goons and a gang boss enter and kill the scientist, leaving the boy/man stuck in the suit forever. The goons then go and kill the boys family, for some reason. The boy swears revenge, which goes against the oft repeated fact that he has 'a strong sense of right and wrong'. This is a fact that is repeated by various characters every five minutes. I think the makers, sadists that they must be, decided that every time a character said it, they should down a pint. It would see them through the production of this tank, at the very least.
There is a hammy villain, who clearly wants his way with his dead best friends daughter. There is a duff helmet, which does something to a poor girls head to make it seep blood. There is a token Chinese goon who gets kicked in the balls. There is a prologue which couldn't serve less of a purpose. There is a scene at the beginning in which the boy/man tries to talk to a girl/woman, and fails. I'll see you next Wednesday, she says to him. That was exactly what I uttered to my sanity when I pressed the off button on my DVD player.
Then there's the question of the suit itself, which has no real purpose, and is yet the most important thing in the film. It can't be removed, or so I gathered, but that's okay, because if you say 'stealth' it just disappears for a bit. To navigate the minefield of eating, the scientist made some green stuff that the man/boy could hold next to his neck to provide nourishment, and to open your mind. It gives you super powers, which the dead best friend's daughter proclaims to be 'really awesome'. Because the scientist predicted his death, he made an AI version of himself to speak to the man/boy in the helmet. The list goes on.
The truth be told, I could write a book on the flaws of this film. The fact that it looks like it was made on an iPhone camera, and edited by a blind person comes to mind. The script, which doesn't just recycle the typical clichés but regurgitates them also is also a major factor. In reality, though, just think to yourself, was this film ever going to be good? No, no, no, no and no. Even with the budget of Avatar this film would have tanked.
If you think you'll watch this on the grounds that it could be amusing, pick something passable like Megashark VS Giant Octopus (which looks like an Oscar winning epic next to this) to fill your time. This goes beyond funny and into the realms of 'Oh-my-god-did-they-really-just-put-that-on-screen?'. Treat this film with the kind of contempt you would reserve for terrorists or back-alley dentists. Avoid eye-contact. Don't let it come to your attention. Walk away quickly. This isn't a review, more of a public warning. Never, ever, watch this film. I couldn't wish that torture on my fellow man.
Some pals and I had a bad movie night, and we watched "The Impossible Kid of Kung- Fu," "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Black," and this movie. Take a guess on which was the worst of the bunch.
Everything that has been said above covers everything you need to know about this movie. Just take my advice and bring more beer. However much you brought, bring more.
But these general complaints fail to scratch the surface of what makes this such an awesomely bad movie. Highlights include: 1) Dr Blake's lab quite clearly being someone's garage, inexplicably filled with fire extinguishers.
2) The villain looking awkward in a suit a few sizes too large for him, apparently aware that his evil lair is just someone's tackily furnished living room.
3) Iron Hero jabbing nutrient fluid into a hole in his neck, whilst unnecessarily epic music blares.
4) Dr Blake dying from being lightly pushed over.
5) The sheer amount of times Iron Hero crushes someones fist.
6) Watching the poor guy inside the Iron Hero costume try to move, run, and even drive a car, despite the fact that the wrists of the suit pretty much trap his hands.
7) The villain dying by having all his bones inexplicably dissolved.
8) Iron Hero obviously wearing trainers with his impenetrable robot suit.
9) The mechanical voice for Iron Hero making almost all his lines incomprehensible gibberish.
10) A romantic embrace, during which both characters are wearing identical, scowling robot helmets.
This has got to be the most god awful piece of crap ever to exist. Quite an obvious rip off of iron man, although it does not mention it. any one who watches this will have an hour and a half of their life wasted, I'm posting this to make sure no one else makes the same mistake i did.
Just because a film comes from a pound shop, it does not mean it will be decent. i learnt a lesson when i bought this and am careful with all low budget films now
AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!!!!
It looks bad for starters, the photography is washed out and enough to make one dizzy, the sets are incredibly simplistic in how they look and limited in number(they all don't look anything like what they're meant to be), the costumes are of second hand fancy dress-quality and the special effects while wisely not excessively used are artificially cartoonish. The music is sluggish, generic stuff that's only there for the sake of it without adding to anything that's happening. The muddied sound quality doesn't help.
The movie is dreadfully written too, with a script with a lot of talk that a lot of the time goes nowhere, being only there to pad out the running time, and peppered with ham-fisted and awkwardly paced dialogue. The story is incredibly tedious and is barely existent, with nothing thrilling, fun or suspenseful in sight and with clichés that would fill a whole novel. Don't expect good action sequences, the action here is very lazily choreographed that makes the worst SyFy/Asylum action sequences seem professional in comparison and so choppily edited that it is not always easy to discern who's who. The (very) stereotypical characters range between annoying and bland, and less said about the acting the better, with a lead hero that is boorishly uncharismatic and as stiff as a board and a lead villain that takes camp to uncomfortable extremes.
All in all, very bad and inexcusably. 1/10, and that is solely for the cool DVD cover. Bethany Cox
I no longer have the patience I once had to wait for things to get better. By the time 15 minutes or so had gone by I had discovered that this movie featured:
a) a bad script,
b) truly appalling acting from a cast destined to remain complete unknowns (apart from Reggie Bannister - hardly A list but at least I've heard of him. Unfortunately, he's as rubbish as everyone else);
c) production values which forgot to stop when they reached rock bottom (the washed-out video look may be OK as an aesthetic choice but loses something when it's because it is washed out video);
d) oh, and it's tedious and incredibly slow moving.
I picture searched through to the end and discovered the following:
a) the exotic locations include someone's bedroom, someone's basement, someone's lounge, a street, and a field;
b) the expensive props include a kind of box-y thing with some lights on it;
c) there are two costumes which look a bit Iron Man-ish. They look a bit more expensive than costumes from a party shop. But not much.
d) there are a couple of minor special effects which give this a not-very-deserved star above the minimum.
Absolutely awful. I wuz robbed.