It's Halloween time and the Winchesters face-off against a shapeshifter with a penchant for impersonating classic movie monsters like Dracula, the Wolfman, and the Mummy.
- Previously on "Supernatural": Dean found out Sam had hooked up with Ruby and was using his psychic mojo -- and punched his kid brother in the face! Twice! Then
they hugged it out as only the Winchesters could, by hunting a man with the insatiable hunger for human bacon. At the end of it all, Sam agreed to stop using his powers.
THEN!...Wait, there is no usual then or now. The episode opens in glorious black and white, and the Warner Bros Shield takes up the screen... is something wrong with our old-assed TV's? Is this...the digital transition????
Nope. So then it must be time for a old school monster movie themed (oh look there is the title) very special episode of "Supernatural."
As cheesy, ominous orchestral music swells in the background, the credits roll, and we drop into the Impala as it crosses the Pennsylvania state line. But wait...lightning flashes and the Welcome to Pennsylvania sign changes to Transylvania! We must be in for some monster fun!
Dean is driving and the same movie soundtrack plays on the radio, prompting him to click it off, snarking that the music sucks. Then they rattle off the details of the next case: Dead vic, gnawed on neck, body drained of blood. It's a vampire! Sam thinks they should skip this one, what with the world coming to an end, and all. But Dean won't have it.
"It's like the good old days!" Dean booms. "An honest-to-goodness monster hunt! It's about time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straightforward, black-and-white case."
The guys drive straight to an Oktoberfest, put on G man suits and start arguing about the fact that Sam went to see the new Indiana Jones movie without Dean. Sam points out that Dean was in Hell at the time, so he should forgive the offense.
The boys head over to the town sheriff and introduce themselves as Agents Angus and Young (for those about to rawk AC/DC, we salute you!). The sheriff takes the guys to the town morgue to check out the body, and it's pretty much just like they heard: Pretty girl, two bite marks in her neck. Very vampire-y...and yet, it doesn't look anything like what an actual vampire would do. The sheriff informs the guys that there's a witness who, lucky for Dean, happens to be in the local beer hall.
Sam and Dean step in and Dean nearly loses himself in the ample bosom of one of the waitresses, a woman named Jamie. While Sam continues his quest for clues, Dean flirts with Jamie, who doesn't really believe he works for the government. He explains his unconventional deportment by calling himself a maverick, a rebel with a badge. She seems to like that. Behind them her counterpart, Lucy, saucily blots her lipstick on a napkin, leaving her dark kiss on a white square on the bar.
When Dean asks about any unusual circumstances around the night of the murder, she directs the two of them to see Ed Brewer, the sole witness, who is drinking out of a gigantic stein and telling the guys they wouldn't believe him. Dean assures him that he has a lot of experience with strange. He takes another swig and tells the tale: He was walking home through the park at midnight and said he saw a couple close to each other. At first he thought they were necking, but then he saw the girl was struggling too much. Sam asks if he can describe her assailant...
"Oh, he was a vampire," Brewer says, not missing a beat as violins shriek behind him. Sam and Dean doubt his claim, so Brewer provides a description.
The guy looked like a vampire, Brewer explains. "You know, with the fangs, and the fancy cape, and the slicked back hair and the medallion -- just like Dracula!" He even had the accent!
Duh-huh, the boys say...and ease their way out of the conversation, deciding to enjoy a cold one.
Dean continues to flirt with Jamie, only to be shot down with a smile and an excuse that it's girl's night with Lucy, who smiles and blots her dark lips again.
Sam asks him why he's being such a desperado, and Dean explains that since he got back from hell, he's noticed he has none of his old scars. No bullet wounds, no knife cuts, no evidence his fingers were ever broken.
"Which leads me to conclude, my virginity is intact. I've been re-hymenated!" And, Dean adds, the dude will not abide.
But the dude came to accept he would not get lucky that day, and later, shared with Jamie that he didn't think he and Sam would be sticking around Oktoberfest for long.
"I don't think we're staying on the case," he tells her.
"What, too weird for you?" she asks with a smile, and he replies, "Not weird enough."
At that very moment under a full moon, a young couple is making out in a car -- she's Mary, he's Rick. She doesn't want to go all the way, but he explains that if he doesn't help her clear the pipes, so to speak, his system can back up and it can cause all kinds of medical type problems. (Silly teen boys.) They keep on making out, then she stops again -- she thinks she hears something. He rolls his eyes.
"Mary," he says in a condescending "not again" tone, "There aren't any wolves in Pennsylvania." And that's precisely when two hairy arms reach into the car and pull Mallory's boyfriend out of the window. He's kicking, she's screaming!
Later, as Mary's drinking a large soda, she fills in the details for Agents Angus and Young -- it was a werewolf. With the furry face and black nose and torn up pants and shirt, like from the old movies? Again, they aren't convinced. That is, until they take another trip to the morgue and lay eyes on Rick's remains. Yes, Rick has been rolled, shredded, anything you can think of. Sam remarks that it certainly looks like a werewolf attack. Dean agrees, except for the fact that the heart was still there -- and real werewolves never leave the heart behind. Enter the sheriff, fresh back from the lab with the results of hairs found at the scene: Canine. Dean rubs his eyes and professes to be getting a headache. They head back to the brew haus for a bite and to discuss what seems to be a weird town doing a monster mash. Jamie tells Dean the beers are on her, and that her shift ends at midnight.
The Canonsburg Museum of Natural History, nightfall. The night watchman is on the phone with someone, talking about a sarcophagus that was left on the loading dock. Nobody seems to know where it came from. Of course, while he's busily nattering away with the other person, who has no idea what he's talking about, the sarcophagus opens, smoke unfurls from it, and out of it slowly rises...a mummy! He shambles over to the security guard, who is now screaming his head off. He pulls out a pistol and shoots the mummy a couple of times in the chest, which has no effect. The mummy grabs the man by the throat, and holds him against the wall. We see his dangling feet, and the music swells ominously.
Sam and Dean arrive later to check out the scene, and they notice the sarcophagus was from a prop shop. Not to mention the small buckets holding dry ice to create the smoke. The killer set the stage, literally.
"This is stupid," Sam says. It sure is...stupid fun!
Meanwhile, Dean's bar wench is standing outside the local Schnitzengiggle, or whatever it's called, and decides he has stood her up. She turns to head home...and is greeted by Dracula -- satin cape, hair slicked back with Dippity-Doo, the whole stake. "Gud even-ink," he coos, calling her Mina and claiming she is his bride. She runs around the corner to, yes, a dead end alley. Dracula slowly approaches her, but she maces him and gets away, slamming into Dean as she rounds the corner. Close behind her is Jamie's 1930's style, dime-store Bela Lugosi. Shocked to see such a cockamamie costume, Dean socks Dracula in the face -- but he pops right back. Dean goes to punch him again, but Dracula grabs him by the neck, shoving him up against the wall and referring to Dean as Harker. The vampire moves in for a bite, but to defend himself, Dean reaches up and grabs Dracula's ear -- ripping it off. Dracula steps back and dashes off, with Dean giving chase for a short bit until Dracula jumps an iron gate, leaving Dean to eat his dust as he majestically zooms off on his...scooter?
Then it's time for Intermission.
When we get back, Dean and Jamie are taking comfort in the Schnitzengiggle, enjoying a drink. Sam arrives and Dean shows him the ear. He tells Sam to touch it; little brother grimaces, then complies with his request. Dean asks him if he recognizes the texture, and it suddenly dawns on Sam: They're dealing with a shapeshifter, one that apparently enjoys taking the form of old movie monsters. He also swiped Dracula's medal, and it turns out it's from the same prop shop.
Dean fills him in on what happened, including the details of Dracula referring to Dean as Harker and Jamie as Mina. Since Dean and Jamie are both confused at what that means (betraying that they both slept through their respective high school Lit classes) Sam explains that Mina and Harker are characters in Dracula lore -- Mina being the bride Dracula covets, and Harker being the fiance who stands in his way. Apparently Dracula has taken a liking to Jamie, which means he had to have spent time watching her.
Wondering who the suspects could be, Jamie points Sam and Dean toward Ed Brewer. He moved there about a month ago, she says. He told Jamie he has a crush on her. And...he works at old movie theater as a projectionist. Sam takes off after the boogieman, while Dean agrees to, ahem, take care of Jamie.
Jamie guesses correctly that Dean is not really an FBI agent, and he cops to not being a cop. He then hints at what he does, and her response is, "Wow...that must suck. I mean, you're giving up your life for this terrible responsibility."
Dean thinks about it for a moment and explains himself."Last few years, I started thinking that way. It started weighing on me. That was before...A while ago, I had this...near death experience. Very near. When I came to, things were different. My life's been different. I realized that I help people. Not just help them, save them. And I've gotta say, it's awesome. It's kind of like a gift. A mission. It's kind of like a mission from God."
The bar wench asks if that makes him like a monk, you know, celibate? "I hope not," Dean says, and they start making out...until the lights click on. It's Lucy, coming in to grab a bottle. She awkwardly offers to leave, but Jamie insists she stay for a drink. Dean sarcastically agrees, really feeling that re-hymenation.
Meanwhile, Sam's sneaks into the theater where Mr. Brewer is playing a monster movie fugue on the organ. As Sam creeps up behind him, he segueways into...a calypso? Sam grabs him and accuses him of the murders. To prove his point, he goes to rip off Brewer's ear -- which remains stubbornly attached to his head. Meaning...he's not the shapeshifter.
So, who is? Back at the bar, Dean and Jamie are chatting with Lucy, who blots her lipstick again. Suddenly Jamie starts to swoon. Dean stares at his glass, which spins into five of them. They've been drugged! He punches Lucy in the face, and sees it sag on one side. Lucy's the shapeshifter! He breaks a bottle and stands up to take on Lucy...and passes out.
Dean wakes up strapped to a table, wearing goofy lederhosen, with Lucy, now back to playing Dracula, standing by him. Dracula monologues for a while, explaining that he took the form of Bride #3 from the first Dracula film. She never got the acclaim she deserved, he said, so he took her form so he could move among others easily. But then, he said, he saw his bride had been reborn! Dean smiles. "I can't get over what a pumpkin pie-eyed crazy sonofabitch you really are."
Dracula punches him in the face, because clearly he doesn't get it. Dean keeps telling him that life isn't a movie.
Life is small and messy, shapeshifter Dracula explains. The movies are grand. "I have chosen elegance!"
Dean argues that what he did to his victims was anything but elegant. "But of course," the shapeshifter tells him. "It is a monster movie, after all!"
Dean counters, "You do realize what happens at the end of every monster movie, don't you?" Ah, but not in this monster movie, declares the monster. In the shapeshifter's movie, the hero dies. The monster gets the girl...and Dean gets electrocuted! Dracula reaches to throw the switch, dramatically taking his time for effect as Dean squirms. At the moment Dracula's ready to fry our guy...the doorbell rings. He stops, and excuses himself.
Dracula glides up stairs through an ordinary looking living room to the front door, and it's a pizza delivery guy. The shapeshifter offers him a coupon.
Sam heads to the bar and finds it empty, but sees the clues of a struggle...and the napkin with Lucy's blotted lipstick. And...he's off to save the day!
Upstairs in a gothic style bedroom, Jamie awakens as the shapeshifter comes in and offers her a slice, but only if she puts on the beautiful satin gown he has picked out for her. Jamie tells him she just wants to go home, and he yells at her to put on the gown.
Downstairs, Sam creeps into the house as Jamie puts on the dress. The shapeshifter apologizes for scaring her, telling her that she's the only one he doesn't want to scare, that it was supposed to be like a movie. Jamie tells him that movies aren't real. Then he tells Jamie his sad story -- he was born this way, different. His dad called him a monster when he found out, and nearly beat his son to death with a shovel. He ran away and felt hated and feared by the world...until he found them! The great monsters! In their movies, they were strong, and the world feared them. His role models -- and eventually, his molds. Jamie points out that he's lonely, that maybe he's lonely because he kills people. The shapeshifter turns it around -- that he kills people because he's lonely. They hear a noise downstairs, and Jamie screams out for Dean. The shapeshifter angrily punches her in the face and knocks her out.
Sam heads down to the basement and frees Dean, who accompanies him up to the monster's lair. Sam comes in first and sees Jamie passed out on the bed. While that draws his attention, the shifter grabs him from behind and knocks him across the room, through the thin prop wall. "You will never be Van Helsing!" Dean runs at him, and the monster grabs him, saying, "And you, Harker...now you die." But Dean breaks his grip by kneeing him in his shifty jewels, knocking him back. Dean glances at the gun on the ground, but the shifter knocks him across the room before he can grab it. At the moment Dracula is moving to deliver the death blow, two bullets rip through him from behind. He turns to see Jamie, pointing the gun at him. "Silver?" he says.
"Twas Beauty killed the Beast!" the shapeshifter gasps. He tells Jamie, calling her Mina, not to cry for him. Then he sinks into a chair. "Perhaps this is how the movie should end." His eyes close, and the screen shrinks to a pin hole, old school.
Next scene, Dean is kissing Jamie, who has just thanked him for saving her life. As they walk out of their Oktoberfest nightmare, Dean points out that this was the way the story should come to a close -- hero gets the girl, monster gets the gank, and all in all, it' s a happy ending. With a happy ending. So endeth the re-hymenating!
Dean observes that the shifter did have one thing right, that it would be nice if life were a little more like the movies. That said, Dean added, if he were to turn life into a movie, he wouldn't choose some crappy send-up of "Abbott & Costello Meet the Monsters."
"No, I know what movie you'd pick," Sam says.
"No you don't," Dean declares, but Sam insists yes, he does.
"Porky's 2," Sam says, and Dean looks at him, amazed.