Abduction

... but all you would need is the DVD box for that, right? I bought my copy on eBay; five bucks down the drain! Thank you to the seller who gave me free shipping. My questions: Did the director read the script? WAS there a script? Was the editor on hallucinogenics while working? Is John Orrichio someone who inherited $100,000 and spent at least half of it asking people in his neighborhood if they wanted to be in a movie? Does he have another relative with a failing breast augmentation clinic who offered to get him laid in return for some free advertising? Was that surgeon on the same hallucinogenics as the editor? "Rocky Horror" was a low-budget classic. What is the opposite of classic? This is it.

I can't believe anyone actually likes this crap movie. Clearly, it was made by a group of bridge and tunnel loser wannabees who thought they had a "clever idea".

This movie is BORING. It's about 10 min. shy of 2 hours but it seems like a 4 hour crawl. It just goes on and on and on and on. They say war is extreme boredom punctuated by extreme terror. This movie is extreme boredom punctuated by bad tits. There is certainly some enticing subject matter: Rape. Tits. Racism. Rape. Drugs. Rape.

How the filmmakers were able to make this boring is really the issue here. It would be like screwing up a bacon sandwich. "Impossible", you say... but I guess not.

The (sort of) lead actress is the most un-attractive beast cow I've ever seen. With her drawn on eyebrows (say no to Sharpy®!) and the bolt-on grapefruits on her chest, I thought I was watching a Frankenstein move at first.

The acting sucks, but most people don't care if there's a parade of tits going by. The girls and the jugs in this movie are so disgusting that young men may find themselves looking at the guys in this film.

Watch this movie to see what the un-inspired, dull-witted suburban "auteurs" who live around the NY tri-state area consider quality.

Problem: You're a relatively ugly looking guy, and you want to see some large breasted, but rather homely otherwise, women topless. But when you ask, they just laugh at you.

Solution: Buy a digital camera, and get a few of your plain friends and make a "movie" and invite these solidly average women with large breasts, I mean on a scale of 1 to 10 these "actresses" are a 6 at best even with artificial tits, to "star" in it.

And the result is this film. I give it a zero for acting, but added 1 point for having the balls to release what is obviously a scam targeted at desperate women trying to "make it" in the movies well beyond their prime. I also added another point for the tits. But I subtracted that point again, since the tits were AWFUL. Whoever did the boob-jobs on these women (grandmothers?) should have their license revoked.

ABDUCTION: The town of Process is located somewhere in rural New Jersey (where else?).

It's been in existence for over 100 years, although it's not on any known map. It's a nice place to visit, with lovely shops and friendly people. That is unless you are single, young, healthy and good looking! It's even worse if you are a female of childbearing age.

The town has a very lucrative underground and Internet business specializing in selling human organs for transplant, selling babies to loving couples who are barren and auctioning young women into sex slavery. They also have specialty shops which do a brisk business in antiques, leather crafts, custom wigs and used automobiles. The town's patriarch, Jacob, is in control of everything and rules the town with his nephew, Johnny, that is until they kidnap the wrong girl. Unbeknownst to Jacob and his followers, they kidnap a popular, well not popular in the United States yet, Brazilian Hip Hop Star named Bella. What follows is their attempt to dispose of ...

Right off the bat...the music in the opening credits put you off. They don't fit. It sets the pace for a bad time had by all. Whomever chose this score had to be way high. It makes zero sense. And you have to sit through it through the entire opening credits!

Then comes the really really bad acting where girls sound like they are reading from a cue card. Bad reading too.

Then there is the cut away editing that is so choppy it's annoying.

And someone actually says the Internet is the wave of the future! The film was taped in 2009!!!!! This IS the future fellows. You missed it. There is no coherent story and that music keeps coming back! Oh MYYYYY. Gag me with a spoon and shoot me in the head. This has to be one of the worst movies ever made. And IMDb says it's budget was $500K!!! Where's the money go? Crack?

First victim breaks up with her BF and actually sez she went out "drive- ink." I repeat: DRIVE-INK. Where did they find these people? Then she gets tasered into a pool and they take her out with a tiny fishing net that's you'd use for trout.

OMG. There is not one frame that makes sense.

I've watched a couple thousand movies in my lifetime, enjoying even the cheesy movies that are churned out.

This movie, though, is one of the few movies to ever leave a lasting impression and not in the good way. There's the poor cinematography, poor lighting, and plot that could have been good, if not for the horrific acting. Abduction has excellent cover art and that is where the excellence ends. The movie is so dull, I had trouble staying focused within the first ten minutes of it beginning. The acting is horrendous, wooden, and it seems as if lines were thrown in, just to help ease the pain of the awkward pauses of conversations. There are gratuitous scenes of bound and topless girls, but if that's what you want, you're much better off finding other stuff on the internet.

This movie is just so, so bad I'm having difficulty finding words to describe it. There are better low-budget films out there!