When three curvaceous babes, stripper Trixe, business executive Hel, and the feisty ex-con Camero, arrive at a desert hideaway to steal a stash of diamonds from an underworld kingpin, things quickly spiral out of control. Allegiances are switched, truths are revealed, criminals are unmasked and nothing is quite what it seems as the fate of the world is precariously balanced among this trio of sexy femmes fatales.Written by
The desert scenes where the majority of the locations were shot appear to be hot and arid, when in fact filming was done in mid and late March when it was still winter and the temperate during the day seldom rose above 60 F degrees in the sun, with wind chills making the outdoor temperature even lower. The cast, including the three female leads, spent most of the time between takes literally shivering under heavy winter coats that the wardrobe department brought along for just that. See more »
While Kinki is "playing" with Trixie, Camero and Hel are digging, and they dig for a while before their shovels hit metal and they find the hatch. However, there's no hole - the hatch appears to have no more than a sprinkle of sand on it. See more »
"The characters displayed in this photoplay are fictitious. No really... It's all just make believe! Any similarity between our story and the classic and timeless works of William Shakespeare is purely coincidental." See more »
Throw the Towl Down
Written by Steve Condon and Dave McManus
Performed by Stank E. Digitz See more »
Sets low goals - then doesn't even reach them. A massive FAIL.
At last, a film aimed at the 18 – 35 year old white male demographic, Hollywood has been ignoring us for years.
This is supposed to be some sort of ironic "if it looks like sexploitation then you don't get it. We win."
I do get this. "This" is just a bad movie with some cleavage. So was "I know what you did last Summer", only even that was better than this.
Now if you make a movie called Bitch Slap and pick the cast with cleavage taking priority over looks and acting ability, as an 18-35 white male this is what I expect:
T & A Hotness Action Laughs
And being honest Bitch Slap tries for these, valiantly, it just doesn't have the tools to get the job done.
T & A
The very first scene (after credits) plays out like this; two chicks peel themselves from their classic car, wearing high heels and cleavage, all in slo-mo and backed by cheesy rock music.
Like I said, they tried.
There are sexy outfits, sexy talk, even one sexy girl-on-girl scene. There are also numerous girl-on-girl fistfights, most necessitating removal of clothes and two a supposedly hot Asian baddie.
Despite all the above there is not one nipple on show, aside from a glimpse in a crowded strip club on an extra.
Grade – F. There is more T & A on a Beauty & the Geek ad!
There are three primary "babes" and the afore-mentioned Asian chick.
Camaro – The undeniably hot one (America Olivo). Clad in a tight-white tank top and lowwww cut jeans. Also seemed to remember most of her lines and pulled off a couple of convincing expressions that suited the scene. Good effort. +'s Much cleavage. -'s No nudity of any kind.
Trixie – Trixie is whiny, clueless and annoying for much of the film. She does wear a tight fitting dress and jiggle about for much of the film, but it just can't call her sexy or hot. (Without an inch of dust she's probably hot as hell in real life.)
+'s Cleavage, a tight dress and much bouncing. -'s No nudity of any kind.
Hel – The boss of the three. Dresses like a businesswoman or mildly sexy accountant. The cleavage is once again on display but this woman just does nothing for me. And I have no idea of her vintage but she also looks old.
+'s Cleavage, a vaguely alluring business outfit. -'s No nudity of any kind. (Almost another + really.)
Token Asian chickie – I love the schoolgirl outfit and the tiny skirt, but as someone once said you could carve a roast on her face and it looks like someone did. Also, for anyone who finds the non-English babbling sexy or hilarious you have issues.
+'s Cleavage, schoolgirl outfit with the shortest skirt on a smokin' body. -'s No nudity of any kind. The skirt never rides up enough to allow
Grade – C (Barely). Realistically only Camaro provides value, Trixie is adequate and the Asian chickie and Hel disappointing. I guess reality shows drew in all the hottie skanks willing to do anything for fame.
If you want an action movie run in the other direction. Some people are shot, there are fistfights played for sexiness over action.
Disappointing effort indeed.
Grade – D. A great action movie this is not.
I think I have a sense of humour, I didn't laugh once in this. Either my sense of humour was broken for 110 minutes, or 732 references to female genitalia, an Asian woman spouting gibberish and a staged water fight aren't as funny as this film assumes.
This was obviously aiming for a cult audience by having women talking crassly to each other. Good luck with that, it worked for Sex and the City.
Grade – F. A 2 hour laugh free skit based upon a busted premise.
Even though it isn't a major factor I might as well discuss the story. Three chicks are looking for a hidden stash of stolen gems, other guys are against them. Guys are evil and must be treated badly and punished.
There. Discussed the story. Moving on
The filmmakers basically tried to make a Sin City clone in the totally annoying and unnecessary flashbacks that take up maybe 15 minutes of running time in an attempt to make the film look bigger and more impressive. Doesn't work, Sin City looked stylish, this looks cheap.
So overall, a C, a D and two F's gives me no choice but to rate Bitch Slap a massive fail. What should be an easy task, creating a T & A tease flick backfired so horribly that the only audience I can see who would appreciate this mess is the early teens, and only if their parents have strict internet blockers that screen everything vaguely attractive and if they have no friends or all their friends have similar parents.
I'd rather watch a real exploitation flick than this wannabe cult classic. I went in expecting very little, even a C grade film would have killed some time, even with my reduced expectations I was severely let down.
Final Rating – 4.5 / 10. You want action watch any action film. You want laughs watch any comedy. You want hotness and T & A buy an FHM magazine or even just stay up late and watch those slutty ads on cable TV.
You want ANY of the above AVOID this. (And thank America Olivo for at least 4 of those points.)
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