Effy Stonem: Why bother?
Tony Stonem: With what?
Effy Stonem: Caring about people.
Tony Stonem: [walking slowly up to her, then muttering in her ear] You don't fool me, Effy Stonem.
Tony Stonem: She was my girlfriend.
Sid Jenkins: She wasn't your girlfriend. You didn't want her.
Tony Stonem: Well, now I do, so fuck you.
Effy Stonem: Love, love, love... what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.
Madame Deluca: And what emotion have you chosen to depict?
Effy Stonem: Anger, Jealousy, Bitterness, Tiredness, Hope, Lust, Love.
Madame Deluca: A veritable feast. So where is it?
Effy Stonem: It's everywhere.
Madame Deluca: My dear girl, I'm not sure I understand.
Effy Stonem: Its conceptual. You just can't see it.
Madame Deluca: Your saying you haven't done it?
Effy Stonem: No I'm saying you can't see it.
Sid Jenkins: I hate you.
Cassie Ainsworth: I hate you right back. Why don't you pop over to Michelle's and give her one? Oh, *another* one!
Pandora: Hi, mum. Yeah, we're just picking up.
[lowers the phone and talks to Effy]
Pandora: She wants to know what we're picking up.
Effy Stonem: Drugs.
Pandora: [to her mother] Salad.
Effy Stonem: You don't understand, do you, Ton? As long as the phone keeps ringing, she's still there.
Cassie Ainsworth: [showing them her slugs] That one's called Sidley and that's Mischa. Isn't Mischa just so pretty. Look at Sidley, sliming all over her. Disgusting, isn't he?
Pandora: Are they doing it?
Cassie Ainsworth: Yes, they are doing it. When I'm ready, I'll pour salt on them. When I'm good and ready.
Sid Jenkins: I don't love Michelle, I never loved Michelle, I love you, but you, you... Where were you? Dad fucking died. I needed you.
[Tony calls Michelle another time, looking hopefully while the ringing tone is still there]
Michelle Richardson: [finally picking up] I love you too.
[hangs up, and Tony smiles peacefully]
Sid Jenkins: It's *you and me*. You know that and you're being stupid.
Effy Stonem: [about Sid] He wants you back.
Cassie Ainsworth: Tell him I've discovered the power of pussy.
Effy Stonem: [to Cassie] So. Sid. Any other thoughts?
Cassie Ainsworth: Tell him I'm on a one-way ticket to Dick City and I love it!
Effy Stonem: [about Sid's drawing] Loser isn't an emotion.
Sid Jenkins: It is to me. You think it's shit, don't you?
Effy Stonem: Yes.
Sid Jenkins: I used four biros and I bought them.
[takes them out]
Sid Jenkins: Four. You owe me 79 pence.
[Effy gets up and starts to undress]
Sid Jenkins: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Effy, what're you doing?
Effy Stonem: [while undressing] I'm going out. You've got 24 hours, Sid to produce something that doesn't look like coursework for GCSE spaz.
[goes over to her cupboard and takes out a pallet, paint and brush]
Effy Stonem: Dip your brush in that and don't even think of leaving this room until you've done it.
[sits down on the bed in her underwear]
Sid Jenkins: Listen, I don't think this is working out, yeah? Right, shall we just leave it, okay? I quit.
[Effy begins bouncing on her bed and makes groaning noises; Sid realizes what Effy is doing]
Sid Jenkins: All right. All right! I'm doing it.
[begins painting as Effy puts her dress on]