Brian Lane: Crap. Absolute crap. You're a bloody disgrace. Three-nil to that shower. What a load of complete, five-star, total, bloody rubbish!
Mark Lane: Dad, it was a friendly.
Brian Lane: There's no such thing. You should never have lost. Never in a million years.
Mark Lane: Against Spurs? We're non-league; they're ten divisions above us. What do you want to drink?
Brian Lane: Nothing. I'll just eat me bloody orange.
Rod Erskine: I *knew* Eric.
Gerry Standing: You don't mean biblically?
Brian Lane: What, Eric was gay!
Rod Erskine: He was when I finished with him. Sorry.
[Brian is drinking with two women]
Brian Lane: Now, who's for more Tia Maria?
1st Young Woman: I shouldn't.
Brian Lane: Oh come on. You know you'd like to; you know you want to, and I know deep down beneath that impressively upholstered and passionately seething bosom, you know you need to.
1st Young Woman: Only a small one.
Brian Lane: Oh,
Brian Lane: don't be so personal. How about you? Is size everything in your compendium?
1st Young Woman: You're mad, you are!
Brian Lane: As a fish!
[kisses both girls, then turns around to find his wife and son watching him]