The Girl and the Spider

There's not much to say about this movie other than yes, it's indeed a movie. Barely, but it is. This is what you get when artistic autofellatio and the perfect absence of content wants to make the viewer believe that it is more than itself. Aliens who have had no contact with humanity aside of Voyager's golden record, even they could make more lifelike characters than these outlandish cardboard figures. Honestly, it feels like a buggy theatrical AI scissored them together. The Girl and the Spider is a triumph of nonsensical filmmaking, which proves (to someone, somewhere... not me, mind you) that logic, a coherent plot and faithfulness to life are only a loose suggestion rather than an expectation. Is it a feature, or the lack of it? You decide. I, however, I'm going to dance a little on the roof in the rain. Because reasons. Because art.