Johnny Depp: Rango, Lars
Rango : I couldn't help but notice you noticing me noticing you.
Rango : [after some kids throw rocks at him] Hey! What was that for?
Priscilla : You're funny-looking.
Rango : Well? You're funny-looking too.
Priscilla : That's a funny-looking shirt.
Rango : That's a funny-looking dress.
Priscilla : You got funny-looking eyes.
Rango : You got a funny-looking face!
Priscilla : [small pause] You're a stranger. Strangers don't last long here.
Rango : Now, remember son: stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare.
Child : Who's Shakespeare?
Rango : Crunchy-creamy-cookie-candy-cupcake. Okay everybody, let's take it from the top!
Rango : I will blow that ugly right off your face!
Rango : I think the metaphor broke my spleen.
Waffles : [Rango and his posse have found new purpose in their search for the outlaws] Uh... What exactly are we gonna do now?
Rango : Now... we ride!
[whip cracks; Rango stops and looks to his right, puzzled]
Rango : [the band of mariachi owls stands a ways away with their instruments, waiting; Rango shouts to them] That means we're riding now! This moment.
[another whip is heard and the owls start playing the background music; everyone is riding roadrunners in the next cut]
Beans : [unimpressed] You ain't from around here, are you?
Rango : [she walks away] I- I'm still working on it. Uh, so, what's your name?
Beans : [rummaging through glass bottles in her cart] Beans.
Rango : That's a funny kind of name.
Beans : What can I say? My daddy plum loved baked beans.
Rango : Well you're lucky he didn't plum love asparagus.
Beans : [quickly stands up] What... what're ya saying?
Rango : I mean, I uh... I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself, but I'm not sure that a child would uh, appreciate the moniker.
[picks up a jar with a sort of powder in it and puts some in his mouth]
Beans : [walking around the cart to Rango] My daddy was a great man, even if he did exhibit a proclivity for legumes, and... you...
[sees what Rango is eating]
Rango : Mmm, spicy!
Beans : You are eating his ashes!
Rango : [spits, disgusted] Eh! You carry his remains?
Beans : [takes the jar and reseals it] No! His ashes; he loved to smoke. They never found the body.
Rango : Oh. Um, I'm sure he had his reasons.
Rango : [taken aback] Golden guardians... Alabaster chariot... The Spirit of the West!
Rango : Ahem... excuse me... Mister Spirit... sir?
Spirit of the West : [eyeing a fish hook] Now there's a beaut. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find what you're looking for.
Spirit of the West : So, you made it.
Rango : Is this Heaven?
Spirit of the West : If it were, we'd be eating Pop Tarts with Kim Novak.
Rango : Yeah, ain't that the truth. What are you doing out here?
Spirit of the West : Searching... same as you.
Rango : [downhearted] I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't even know who I am.
Rango : They used to call you 'The Man with No Name'.
Spirit of the West : Nowadays, they have a name for just about everything. Doesn't matter what they call you... it's the deeds that make the man.
Rango : But my deeds just made everything worse. I'm a fake... a phony. My friends were counting on me. They were looking for some sort of hero.
Spirit of the West : [emphatic] Then be a hero!
Rango : [disbelief] Oh, no! No, no. I'm not even supposed to be out here.
Spirit of the West : That's right. You came out here looking for something that didn't exist. But don't you see?
Spirit of the West : It's not about you... it's about them.
Rango : But I can't go back.
Spirit of the West : Don't think you have a choice, son.
[draws rectangle on windshield]
Spirit of the West : No man can walk out of his own story.
Rango : [Rango marches into the bank after it's been robbed] All right, folks; stand back, clear the area, this is a crime scene, now. Secure the parameter, dust for prints, check for fibers, scan for DNA, I want a urine sample from everyone and get me a latte. Don't mix up the two.
Rango : Who am I? I'm nobody.
Spoons : [after Rango forms a small posse to find the band of robbers] What do we do now, sheriff?
Rango : Now, we ride!
[cut to them all riding across the desert on roadrunners, excited and energized]
Spoons : [to Rango] Where are we going?
[they have no leads on where the robbers might be]
Rango : What?
Spoons : Where are we going?
[cut to them all walking back into town, embarrassed]
Wounded Bird : You kill bird?
Rango : Why, yes, I did.
Wounded Bird : Bird dead, snake come.
Rango : Uh, snake?
Priscilla : He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He usually doesn't come to town because he's scared of that hawk, but he might come now. Can I have your boots when you're dead?
Rango : No. I ain't got no problem with this Rattlesnake Jake.
Priscilla : That's just what Amos said.
Rango : Amos?
[Priscilla looks at something offscreen, Rango looks and sees a small graveyard with a headstone reading 'Amos, Sheriff Thur-Sat.']
Priscilla : You got any gold fillings?
Rattlesnake Jake : [realizing it's a swarm of bats in the form of a hawk] Ain't no hawk, ain't nothin' but bats!
[starts shooting at them]
Maybelle : Stick to the plan boys, bleed the devil dry!
[swarm spreads out, Jake laughs excitedly while trying to shoot every bat down, realizes he used up all his bullets, turns to see Rango pointing a gun at him]
Rango : It only takes one bullet.
Rattlesnake Jake : You ain't got the nerve.
Rango : Try me.
Rock-Eye : [the hawk drops a bottle with Rango inside it directly on top of Rock-Eye the Toad, who is hiding from the hawk as a rock, from a great height] ¡Ay! ¡Madre de Dios!
[He sees Rango]
Rock-Eye : You! I'll kill you! You stupid lizard! Get out of there! I'm gonna strangle your huevos!
Rango : [points frantically from inside his bottle] The bird! The bird!
[He starts running away in his bottle by rolling it]
Rock-Eye : [Rock-Eye looks behind him] No wait, come back!
[Rock-Eye starts chasing Rango]
Rock-Eye : Hey, I was just kidding! C'mon, we're friends, right?
Rango : Aaah, I don't know you!
Rock-Eye : Lizards, frogs... we're practically related, right?
Rango : [Overlapping] Find your own hiding place! No room at the inn!
Rock-Eye : Come on! Move over! I'll let you kiss my sister!
Rango : [Rango runs the bottle over a small sharp rock and the bottle breaks in half] No no no nonono...!
[the bottle slides to a stop]
Rock-Eye : [Stops with him; pointing in triumph] HA! Ha ha ha!
[the hawk snatches him up]
Rock-Eye : [Screams furiously] You son of a b...!
Rango : [an arrow is sticking through Turley's head, entering in his right eye and coming out the left-rear side of his head; Rango looks disgusted] Whoa! Ehh... are you sure you're fit for duty there, soldier?
Sergeant Turley : [oblivious] What?
Rango : Uh, well, you've got a little somethin' in your... eye, there.
Sergeant Turley : [indicates his left eye, seemingly oblivious] Oh, that! That there's conjunctivitis, sir. It's hereditary.
Rango : [going along as not to hurt Turley's feelings] Oh! Well... um... glad to hear it's not contagious.
Rango : That's for my gun. That's gun lotion.
Rango : We can control it! Like a monkey's bladder!
Rango : Now, we ride!
Rango : Name's... Rango.
Balthazar : Ezekiel, Jedidiah! What the Sam Hill's goin' on up there?
[as he emerges from the ground, he thumps his idiot sons with a cane. He sniffs the air]
Balthazar : Hell's fire, this ain't the bank!
Ezekiel : Pappy, the Sheriff is standin' right here, helpin' us out.
Jedidiah : Gonna give us a permit for pros-pec-ting.
Rango : That's right, sir. Just doin' my duty. The lonely constable on his rounds, keeping an eagle eye out for mayhem and malfeasance.
Balthazar : Does he look like he sounds?
Jedidiah : Uh-huh.
Rango : Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to honor this man. Mr. Merrimack, you have the right to remain silent. Speak now, or forever hold your peace. Amen.
Rango : [repeated quote] Now, we ride!
Rango : [Extended edition only] Look. I need water. Hydration. My teeth are chapped. I need lotion. I'm down to one layer of skin already. Pretty soon, I'm going to start seeing my insides. Not quite unlike you've got going there. Listen. I can't survive in the desert, okay? I- I don't belong here!
Roadkill : That maybe true, but here you are. Now, help me up and I'll help you find what you seek?
Rango : Uh, you will?
Roadkill : And perhaps more.