Jakob's Wife (2021) Poster

(2021)

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4/10
A mess. No central theme, it's just all over the place
jbar1924 April 2021
A vampire movie? A commentary on religion? A feminist manifesto? A horror comedy?

SNL used to have a skit where a husband and wife argued over a canned product. The wife said, "it's a floor wax!" and the husband said, "No, it's a dessert topping!" And a salesman comes in and says "Hey folks, it is both! It's a floor wax and a dessert topping!"

Which brings us to Jakob's Wife.

Either the movie had too many writers, each with a different idea, or the main writer got stoned and lost his train of thought 2 or 3 times during the course of writing this movie.

In chronological order; it is serious, it is scary, it's funny, it is feminist, it's boring, it is stupid and bam, it's over.

Ugh.

A couple of fun, bloody effects, an interesting vampire who looks like Caillou with bad teeth and a couple of cops who get a few good lines. Other than that, nothing to see here.
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6/10
Barbara Crampton chews it up.
Otkon16 April 2021
This is a fun little film with some of both Crampton's and Fessenden's finest acting. It mixes a few genres into the horror. And the thing seems like a slice-of-life about a married couple that has to deal with a supernatural outbreak on top of their other issues. It goes in a few weird directions. I liked it.
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7/10
Scream Queen Babs Crampton strikes again!
necromancer-mcgill17 April 2021
This is a genuinely enjoyable wee blood soaked vampire flick. Crampton is just great. It's not for everyone obviously but if you're a comic horror fan then it's right up your street. I've been impressed with Shudder's output recently. Nice and dark. Babs gets the chebs out too!
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6/10
A film that doesn't know what it wants to be
Fortressofdoors23 April 2021
This film starts as a serious movie, then takes a turn to semi comedy that never really works. It's an attempt at a Fright Night type of movie, but the trudges along , but not really at a slow pace, but one that keeps your curiosity on the hook just long enough. Your lead (master) vampire should be menacing and frightful, this one however, was not, so the overall punch is lost. It was more like a life coach in a bald cap. The editing is odd at times which doesn't help matters. It's one of those films that leaves you squinting at the screen in confusion at times, thinking, huh? Barbara Crampton carried the film and it was great seeing her again.
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8/10
A fun little mix of horror, comedy, and romance
brettkins18 May 2021
Barbara Crampton chews every bit of scenery in this film and takes us on a journey from repressed housewife to liberated vampire vixen. I thoroughly enjoyed the indie vibe, old school special effects, stellar cast, and nods to Salem's Lot. It felt like a labor of love and Barbara Crampton really gave it her all in every frame she was in. Jakob's Wife has a lot of heart and is a great little film that will provide you with laughs, gore, and plenty of Barbara slaying the screen.
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6/10
Entertaining
hampersnow-2890517 April 2021
Barbara Crampton plays a minister's wife who finds a new calling in life......well sort of. A Charming, kind of fun film because Barbara and Larry Fessenden play so well together and both are excellent in their roles. The movie starts off on some high notes , gets a bit slow and random in the middle , then picks up in the finale, but overall is better than most of the usual low budget horror fare tossed out these days. It's nicely shot, and while it doesn't outright play it for laughs, this isn't a serious horror film. What puts it a cut above is the depth given to the 2 leads and you actually like and feel for them. Worth watching.
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6/10
it starts slow, but ended up pretty good
sucraf17 April 2021
Warning: Spoilers
It was a pretty good horror. Some real good extreme gore. The acting was good and phil brooks (cm punk) can actually act. He should do more movies. I know he's done a few now. No need to go back to wrestling.
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7/10
well if this ...
ops-5253517 April 2021
Isnt a surprise, then i dont know what more you want out of a religious horror movie than this. Its really no points of rest, it shifts fast, never trust any strangers, and a rat in a cage= suicide =go-go, add some satanistic inclusions and some weed smoking youngsters, and a ministers wife that looses grip of her life, as people start to disappear, blod is drunken and a n evil entity makes this a well made sacramental horror movie at all parts.

Actors are fairly unknown to me, but they deliver scriptwise, the filmographic presentation is good, it tells much of the story itself, and some excellent musical score and sound effects. So when the beloved spouce goes spicy you better take cover and let it flame out by itself.

The grumpy old man liked this film, so a recommend.
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5/10
Dark Romance
ropelawshiel16 April 2021
A fun dark romance, one of the better Shudder films, Love lust, gore small budget done well.
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6/10
low budget indie horror tries extra hard
A_Different_Drummer19 April 2021
And succeeds in almost combining an otherwise dull vampire tale with a story of feminine liberation from marital woes. Crampton, one of the last legitimate scream queens, goes for the the gold. The core problem remains that horror films are supposed to provide thrills in otherwise dull lives. Today reality provides all the horror anyone can stand.
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3/10
You'll check your watch every 5 minutes to find only 3 minutes have passed
jtindahouse21 April 2021
There's nothing more boring to me in the world than a vampire movie, and every year I seem to fall into the trap of watching one. Last year it was the terrible 'Doctor Sleep' and for 2021 is seems like it will be the terrible 'Jakob's Wife'. I hadn't watched a horror movie in a while and I saw a pretty high Rotten Tomatoes rating (85% at the time of writing this - how is that possible?) and was fooled into giving it a try. Bad decision. This film has very few redeeming factors.

I don't know what people could be seeing in this film. It isn't funny and it's often hard to tell if it's even trying to be or not. There are some very awkward and bizarre interactions but they certainly aren't humorous to the audience. It isn't clever. The dialogue is unbelievably flat and lacking in creativity. The acting is equally flat and adds nothing to the film.

This is one of those films where you are checking your watch every five minutes and are shocked to find only three minutes have passed. I can't recommend this one on any level.
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2/10
Laughable.
fyrekracker23 April 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Movie started out ok with a couple of good jump scares. Good cinematography and score so I was excited to see what would develop. Then enter the fake stuffed rats glued to an actor. Then the worst vampire acting I've seen since Blackula (which had a better storyline). Acting was pretty bad especially the husband, the vampire girl, the young delinquent... Wow that's almost all of the actors!
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5/10
Midlife crisis dressed as a vampire movie
ravencorinncarluk20 April 2021
I enjoyed it, enjoyed some of the concepts, and the camerawork did have moments when it conveyed the building annoyance felt by Anne. Nobody is gorgeous or glamorous, and that helps give the film a more relatable feeling. A few scenes strike me as better fitting a horror-comedy, but it wasn't too distracting.

With a little polish, I think this could have been a pretty good - maybe even great - movie, but I still found it watchable as is.
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10/10
An Instant Cult Classic!
drahulrajjsd16 April 2021
A fun gory ride of a movie! An instant cult classic! Awesome performances from both Horror Icons Barbara Crampton and Larry Fessenden!
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5/10
A perfect movie for Barbara Crampton
killercharm23 May 2021
And she's perfect in it. This is a delightful treatment of how real people might actually react to vampires in their midst. For instance, do you automatically kill any vampire you find or do you maybe spare one if she's your beloved, obedient wife of 30 years. Dilemma dilemma. With a slow start when this flick finally gets really started it is no end of fun to watch...right down to the last split-second.
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2/10
Mediocrity with the obligatory "I f*king hate old white dudes" and other woke snark
raulespinoza-8648217 April 2021
Oh boy, another "indie" slice of rotten pie where they have to get their digs in on religion and white men, you know, cause everyone's doing it. Then some lame and predictable comedy happens. The end.
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7/10
Surprisingly good
rohanxyz21 May 2021
I liked this movie theme and portrayal of characters. It was a nice fun movie to watch. All actors performed well. After long time watched Barbara.
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7/10
"I f*king hate old white dudes."
repojack17 April 2021
I would too if that old white dude was a prude asshole minister (played by horror staple Larry Fessenden, going completely against type).

But Barbara Crampton is the stand-out star of this under-the-radar but fantastic new release about a brow-beaten preacher's wife who gets "bit" and comes into her own quickly.

Crampton burst onto the scene in the classic Re-animator (1985) by Stuart Gordon and was a staple in most of Gordon's work through the 80's/90's. Apparently, at some point, she took a break from acting until she got a call to appear in Adam Wingard's You're Next.

There is an awesome scene where she re-arranges the furniture with basically one hand (other hand holding a wine glass with "something" in it) to Concrete Blonde's "Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)". In fact, the entire score by Tara Busch is fabulous.

The movie doesn't take itself too seriously at all. It's for sure not going for realism which is oddly refreshing. The campiness/over-the-top moments just seem to fit.

I haven't seen all of Barbara Crampton's work but I'm going to put a stake in the ground (no pun intended) and say this is her best performance.
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1/10
A whole lotta BS
splendidsushi20 April 2021
If you're a horror movie lover, please and please, ignore all the high ratings. This right here is a total waste of time and data. I can't even believe I watch it till the end and I honestly doubt if those rating this movie high has seen it. So poorly made. Total rubbish!!!
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8/10
One of those - Good for her - movies
ninobidzinashvili17 April 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Personally for me, when a movie has a theme of emancipating the wife or a woman in general - it's a big plus. In this case, this film in particular has great moments of comedic relief and describes a romance between middle age couple - which is very rare in horror(-ish) genre.

Would definitely recommend, especially if you are a woman :)
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7/10
Amusing light horror drama
tvcarsd19 April 2021
I have to admit that with this great cast that I was hoping for a slightly more exciting story but it was still very entertaining mostly due to the strong performances from Larry and Barbara. It's probably 80:20 comedy horror which is a nice change from the regular 50:50 of most movies like this. There isn't much gore but there is no shortage of blood. You need to stick with this one as the characters do develop nicely and you really start to get behind them more as the movie progresses. Nice.
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9/10
Horror/Comedy
gab-6759917 April 2021
Warning: Spoilers
This is the first movie that I have actually enjoyed. Since movie making and Covid combined went drastically down hill in an enormous way. Seems like we see one or two main actors and they are afraid to touch or be around others. Movies now a days do not have big crowds anymore, exception The Vault 2021. Or they have one big scene with a handful of people and then just one actor alone for the rest of the movie ex. The Stand In. This movie though was dark humor and vampires. What was not to like? You felt sympathetic towards Crampton and the changes she endured. Then Mr. Fessender playing, not only a pastor, but a devoted husband down till the end. It was a movie I enjoyed, even with only a few actors and actress in it. I recommend, if you like vampire, love, comedy movies.
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8/10
Jakob's Wife but I think of Barbara as my wife
jadzia9222 May 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Released in 2021, Jakob's Wife stars Barbara Crampton (who also serves as a producer) as the titular character although I tend to think as my own wife.

Anyway Barbara as Ann Fedder was living an ordinary and an uninspired life when she got bitten and became a vampire and ultimately has faced a being known as the Master.

Quite a chiller of a movie with Barbara as Ann being a vampire and how she deals with it.

Barbara as always is beautiful and I was certainly surprised and delighted when at one scene she showed off one of her breast and the first time that saw both of her breasts is in Fraternity Vacation, a scene continues to watch over and over again.

Matthew See

Barbara Crampton's Chinese Husband.
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1/10
Overrated, boring mess
mhorg201818 May 2021
I understand that Barbara Crampton has a solid fanbase. I've liked her since Reanimator. But just being a fan of an actor or actress doesn't mean everything they do is great. This movie is one example. Boring to the point where five minutes feels like five hours, there is no coherent storyline, the make up effects are horrible and the Vampire, much like the one in the original Salem's Lot, is just a rip off of Nosferatu - and a really bad one at that. It looks like whoever did the vampire failed the class at Savini's or Baker's school. Just really horrible make up. But worse of all is the non-story. If one wants to write an empowerment story, is using a Vampire the way to go? Can anyone make a movie or TV show today without any woke or pc crap? Just writing good characters isn't enough? Oh, I nearly forgot-the vampires voice. Squeaky. Really? I thought vampires were supposed to sound impressive. Not this loser. And the non-ending doesn't help either.
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7/10
A Very Pleasant Surprise
janeannafoote10 May 2021
Indie horror films can be hit or miss. The ones who look great usually have lousy scripts and the ones that have great scripts usually look like they were shot in someone's basement with a cast of non-actors. How refreshing it is to see an interesting story well told with great acting. Barbara Crampton and Larry Fessenden are terrific as the husband and wife battling a terrifying vampire who wants to take Crampton away. The comedy mostly lands and the creepy parts do inspire some goosebumps, but it's the performances and relationship drama you'll end up remembering the most and those are the scenes where Crampton and Fessenden are really allowed to let loose and have a good time.
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