Ninja

So at one point, the leader of a cult that really has little bearing on anything in this movie proclaims, "We control the life blood of this planet!"

Wait, what? It's not just that it makes little sense. It makes no sense whatsoever. Not much of this movie does.

But hey, you want a tight plot that makes sense and gives you pause to think? Netflix "Glengarry Glen ****ing Ross." This ain't that.

You want to see a ninja cut a man's arm off with his ninja sword and the man goes "Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!" while blood spurts out of his stump, then this is the movie for you.

You want to see a stacked gravure idol as a dojo master's daughter who always needs to be saved just because she's a stacked gravure idol and even though she's a ninja, too, then this is the movie for you.

You want shurikens, poison blowgun darts, a ninja flying suit, and an SUV that rolls over and blows up spectacularly for NO FREAKING REASON, then this is the movie for you.

You want to see two ninjas have swordfight on the rooftop of a skyscraper with the Empire State Building in the background and you say, "This is the most awesomest thing ever!" in your best Peter Griffin voice, then babe, this is the ****ing movie for you.

You want sense? Read Jane ****ing Austen. You want ninjawesome, grab this baby, some chips and a Stella Artois and you're set for the night, brochacho.