Pirate Radio (2009) Poster


Tom Brooke: Thick Kevin



  • Angus : The way I look at it, the world couldn't survive without my comedy, and who's going to have the moral backbone to play the Seekers when the mood is right?

    Dave : They've split up.

    Angus : I intend to celebrate the back catalogue.

    Dave : I intend to stop you doing so.

    Mark : [silently stands up and lights a cigarette] 

    Simon : As some of you know, my wife left me after 17 hours of marriage, but I survived that because I live for music. And now, with nothing else to live for, I'm willing to die for it as well.

    'On-The-Hour' John : I've always lived for news and weather. Happy to die for them, too. Especially the weather.

    Bob Silver 'the Dawn Treader' : I've got nowhere else to go.

    Harold : I have somewhere else to go, but it's Peckham. So I think I'll stick around.

    Felicity : Can't let everyone starve. And I'm slightly worried where my increasingly powerful sexuality will take me when I return to normal life.

    Thick Kevin : I've got a very strong suspicion that Felicity fancies me. Not about to go anywhere, just when I'm in with a chance.

    'Young' Carl : Obviously, I'm in. You're the only people in the world who like me.

  • Quentin : Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you prefer?

    Thick Kevin : Good news.

    Quentin : Okay. The good news is the engine has exploded and we're all going to die.

    Dave : Hello, Dr Dave, Radio Rock. How is that good news?

    Quentin : I haven't yet told you how we're going to die. That's the bad news.

    Simon : How are we gonna die?

    Quentin : We're going to drown in the freezing waters of the North Sea.

    Felicity : Dearie me.

    Quentin : There is a huge hole in the side of the boat and in an unfortunate development, it transpires that the lifeboats are useless.

    Thick Kevin : [to Angus]  Actually, that's quite good for you, isn't it? 'Cause you can't swim, so you'll die quicker.

    Quentin : Sorry.

  • Thick Kevin : It's type of bird, but it's wearing a hat. Not so much a hat. Something that's at the top of a coat and attached to the coat and covers the head, but is not a hat.

    'Young' Carl : A hood?

    Thick Kevin : Yes, and now the first name, type of bird. It's a something hood.

    'Young' Carl : Robin Hood! Why didn't you just say he lived in Sherwood Forest and has a bow and an arrow?

    Thick Kevin : Yeah? What? Who are you talking about?

    'Young' Carl : Robin Hood.

    Thick Kevin : I didn't know that.

  • Simon : I think we're actually going to die.

    Thick Kevin : Why?

    Simon : I'll explain later.

  • Thick Kevin : My theory is that you're here because it's exactly the right time for a young man like you to get to know his dad.

    'Young' Carl : And?

    Thick Kevin : I therefore think that your dad is on this boat. And since he's definitely not me, I think he's probably Quentin.

  • Thick Kevin : I find alcohol rather sharpens my mind...

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