The Ravine

... boy, are you in for a treat! The story is told in a series of stilted, unnatural monologues. It plays more like one of those made-for-TV, crime reenactment shows.

If you like learning midway in that you've rented a faith-based movie ... you'll be as happy as a born-again Christian at a church-basement potluck.

Added bonus: stock-music soundtrack that doesn't quite match the various years the story references. Really groovy.

I paid seven dollars to rent this movie based solely on the IMBD reviews. My guess is the reviews were generated at the church basement potluck right after the coffee cake was served.

I think this is where I'm supposed to forgive everyone involved in this pretentious, badly acted and annoyingly pontifical movie.

I do not forgive. I mean ... seven dollars is seven dollars.