- Mason: Dad, there's no real magic in the world, right?
- Dad: What do you mean?
- Mason: You know, like elves and stuff. People just made that up.
- Dad: Oh, I don't know. I mean, what makes you think that elves are any more magical than something like a whale? Yoy know what I mean? What if I told you a story about how underneath the ocean, there was this giant sea mammal that used sonar and sang songs and it was so big that its heart was the size of a car and you could crawl through the arteries? I mean, you'd think that was pretty magical, right?
- Samantha: [as the family leaves their house for the last time before moving] Goodbye, yard! Goodbye, crepe myrtle! Goodbye, mailbox! Goodbye, box of stuff Mommy won't let us take with us but we don't want to throw away. Goodbye, house, I'll never like Mommy as much for making us move!
- Mom: Samantha! Why don't you say goodbye to that little horseshit attitude, okay, because we're not taking that in the car.
- Mom: [Mason is leaving for college] This is the worst day of my life.
- Mason: What are you talking about?
- Mom: [Starts crying] I knew this day was coming. I just... I didn't know you were going to be so fucking happy to be leaving.
- Mason: I mean it's not that I'm that happy... what do you expect?
- Mom: You know what I'm realising? My life is just going to go. Like that. This series of milestones. Getting married. Having kids. Getting divorced. The time that we thought you were dyslexic. When I taught you how to ride a bike. Getting divorced... again. Getting my masters degree. Finally getting the job I wanted. Sending Samantha off to college. Sending you off to college. You know what's next? Huh? It's my fucking funeral! Just go, and leave my picture!
- Mason: Aren't you jumping ahead by, like, 40 years or something?
- Mom: I just thought there would be more.
- Mason: I just feel like there are so many things that I could be doing and probably want to be doing that I'm just not.
- Sheena: Why aren't you?
- Mason: I mean, I guess, it's just being afraid of what people would think. You know, judgement.
- Sheena: Yeah. I guess it's really easy to say, like I don't care what anyone else thinks. But everyone does, you know. Deep down.
- Mason: I find myself so furious at all these people that I am in contact with just for controlling me or whatever but you know they are not even aware they are doing it.
- Sheena: Yeah. So, in this perfect world where no one is controlling you. What's different? What changes?
- Mason: Everything. I mean, I just wanna be able to do anything I want, because it makes me feel alive. As opposed to giving me the appearance of normality.
- Sheena: Whatever that means.
- Mason: I don't think it means much.
- Sheena: You are kinda weird, you know that?
- Mason: Yeah? Is that a compliment?
- Sheena: I don't know. Do you wanna be weird?
- Mason: I mean, I don't wanna scare kids at the park, or anything like that.
- Mason: I really like talking with you. I don't usually even try to like vocalize my thoughts, or feelings or anything, just I don't know it never sounds right. Words are stupid.
- Sheena: So why are you trying with me?
- Mason: I don't know, I guess, I feel comfortable.
- Mr. Turlington: [Enters the darkroom] How long have you been in here, Mason?
- Mason: Not sure.
- Mr. Turlington: I'm sure: All class. Did you complete your image diary?
- Mason: Not yet.
- Mr. Turlington: Completed your digital contact sheet?
- Mason: Not quite, but, I mean, it's not gonna take me long.
- Mr. Turlington: "Not yet." "Not quite." Darkroom time is extracurricular. I mean, technically, you don't ever have to be in here these days. And certainly not until you've completed your assignments. That's the deal.
- Mason: [Sarcastically] Sorry.
- Mr. Turlington: I'm worried about you, Mason.
- Mason: [laughs] Why is that?
- Mr. Turlington: I'll tell you why: The images you're turning in, they're cool. You're looking at things in a really unique way. Got a lot of natural talent.
- Mason: Thanks.
- Mr. Turlington: Yeah, but that and 50 cents will just get you a cup of coffee in this old world. I've met a LOT of talented people over the years. How many of them made it professionally without discipline, commitment and really good work ethic?
- Mason: [Shrugs]
- Mr. Turlington: I can tell ya. I can count it on two fingers:
- [Makes A-ok hand gesture]
- Mr. Turlington: Zero. It's not gonna happen for you, Mason. The world is too competitive. There are too many talented people who are willing to work hard; and a buttload of morons who are untalented, who are more than willing to surpass you. As a matter of fact, a lot of them are sitting in that classroom out there right now. Hm? You know what they're doing? They're doing their assignments. Which is what you're supposed to be doing, but you're not. You're in here. Now, why is that? You're special, Mason?
- Mason: No, but, I mean, the things you're talking about, like, work ethic or whatever, I feel like I do work pretty hard. I spend the hold weekend taking pictures a lot of times.
- Mr. Turlington: You like football, Mason?
- Mason: Not really.
- Mr. Turlington: Yeah, I know you don't. That's why I've just assigned you to shoot the football game tonight. Okay? Starts at 7.30, I want you to get there early. I want you to shoot a full card, 300 images. I want 'em downloaded, I want 'em sorted, and I wanna see 'em very first thing Monday, okay? Wanna know why I'm doing this?
- Mason: I guess.
- Mr. Turlington: Who do you wanna be, Mason? What do you wanna do?
- Mason: I wanna take pictures. Make art.
- Mr. Turlington: Any dipshit can take pictures, Mason. Art, that's special. What can you bring to it that nobody else can?
- Mason: That's what I'm trying to find out.
- Mr. Turlington: Try harder. Hey, maybe in 20 years you can call old Mr. Turlington, and you can say: "Thank you, sir, for that terrific darkroom chat we had that day."
- [Walks out of the darkroom]
- Mr. Turlington: Get back to class and do your work.
- Mason: I just feel like there are so many things that I could be doing and probably want to be doing that I'm just not.
- Mason: I finally figured it out. It's like when they realized it was gonna be too expensive to actually build cyborgs and robots. I mean, the costs of that were impossible. They decided to just let humans turn themselves into robots. That's what's going on right now. I mean, why not? They're billions of us just laying around, not really doing anything. We don't cost anything. We're even pretty good at self-maintenance and reproducing constantly. And as it turns out, we're already biologically programmed for our little cyborg upgrades. I read this thing the other day about how When you hear that ding on your inbox, you get like a dopamine rush in your brain. It's like we're being chemically rewarded for allowing ourselves to be brainwashed. How evil is that? We're fucked.
- Dad: [while canvassing for the 2008 Presidential Election] Go get that McCain sign, would you?
- Mason: What?
- Dad: Get the McCain sign. Go rip it up, come on. Get it, get it, get it, go, go, go!
- Dad: [to Mason, after he gets the McCain sign] Good job, good job. Proud of you, son.
- Samantha: You guys are gonna get us arrested.
- Dad: Look, I'm a patriot, all right? And sometimes in this life you gotta fight.
- Samantha: [after leaving Bill's family for good] Why couldn't we take Randy and Mindy with us?
- Mom: Because sweetie, I'm not their legal guardian, that would be kidnapping; it's against the law.
- Samantha: Couldn't you talk to their mom?
- Mom: I tried their mom, but I can't reach her.
- Samantha: Well, what's going to happen to them?
- Mom: [starts crying] I don't know...
- Samantha: Why are you crying?
- Mom: Because I don't have all the answers.
- Dad: Top of volume two, first four tracks. You've got "Band on the Run" into "My Sweet Lord" into "Jealous Guy" into "Photograph." Come on! It's like the perfect segue. You've got Paul who takes you to the party, George who talks to you about God, John is just "No, it's about love and pain" and then Ringo who just says "Hey, can't we enjoy what we have while we have it?"
- Mom: [Driving Mason Jr. home from school] Your teacher said you're behind on your homework assignments.
- Mason: No, I did them, they were just sitting in my backpack.
- Mom: So, why didn't you turn them in?
- Mason: She never asked for them.
- Mom: Well, honey, she's not supposed to ask for them. It's your job to give them to her once you've finished.
- Mason: Oh.
- Mom: She also said you destroyed her pencil sharpener.
- Mason: No I didn't.
- Mom: Then what did you put in it instead of pencils?
- Mason: Rocks.
- Mom: Why were you putting rocks in the pencil sharpener?
- Mason: Because I needed them for my arrowhead collection.
- Mom: I've spent the first half of my life acquiring all this stuff and now I'll spend the second half getting rid of it!
- Mason: [while canvassing for the 2008 Presidential Election] Hi, can I put an Obama sign on your lawn?
- No Obama Man: Do I look like a Barack *Hussein* Obama supporter?
- No Obama Man: [Mason starts leaving] This is private property, you know! I could shoot you!
- Mason: [under his breath, while walking away] What a dick!
- Samantha: Um, he has a Confederate flag on his house.
- Mom: [Mason Jr. and Samantha start fighting in the backseat] Hey! What's going on back there? Stop it! Put a barrier up! Come on, make a barrier with your pillow!
- Mom: Okay, we're going to play a game: Whoever can stay quiet the longest wins. And, go!
- [Samantha and Mason Jr. start tickling each other, instead]
- Dad: [frustrated with the monosyllabic answers Mason Jr. and Samantha are giving him] No, no, no. I'm not gonna be *that* guy. You know, the "biological father, who I see on the weekends, and I make small talk with him while he drives me places and buys me shit." No.
- Samantha: Dad, these questions are kind of hard to answer.
- Dad: What's so hard to answer about "what sculpture are you making"?
- Samantha: It's abstract!
- Dad: Have you heard of Sarah Palin?
- Samantha: Yes.
- Dad: What's the one thing you know about Sarah Palin's 17 year old daughter?
- Samantha: She's pregnant.
- Dad: That's right and what is the one thing you are *not* going to be in a couple of years when you turn 17?
- Samantha: Pregnant?
- Dad: That's right. All right now, what are the two ways that you can achieve that goal? First is... not have any sex, okay, that's the first way, okay, just not engage in that that did not work out very well for your mother and me; and what's the second way?
- [Mason tries to leave]
- Dad: Where are you going?
- Mason: Bathroom.
- Dad: You don't want to go to the bathroom. Sit down Mason, just sit down.
- [looks towards Samantha]
- Dad: What's the second way? Huh?
- [looks towards Mason]
- Dad: Is your mother talked to you guys about this stuff?
- Samantha: [shy and embarrassed] No. Dad. Dad.
- Dad: Wait, no, she talked to you about... contraception? Huh? What? Is she... condoms...
- Samantha: No, dad, please, stop.
- Dad: She talked about it? What? What?
- Samantha: Dad!
- Dad: Does Garett have a condom?
- Samantha: Oh god! Dad!
- Mason: Yeah, yeah I know, it's, it's constant, the moments- it's just, it's like it's always right now, you know?
- Mason: [Finding his mom lying on the garage floor next to Bill] What happened?
- Professor Bill Welbrock: Your mother had a little accident and now she's being dramatic.
- [to mom]
- Professor Bill Welbrock: Get off the fucking floor.
- Professor Bill Welbrock: You don't like me much, do you Mason?
- Professor Bill Welbrock: That's okay, neither do I.
- Dad: These high school love things, they never work out. Here, come here. I mean, everybody's just changing so much, you know'? The odds of two young people staying on the same wavelength are...