- Lily van der Woodsen: When you two are done hiding up here, I'm taking you both out for dessert.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Can't, mom, I'm busy.
- Lily van der Woodsen: But this is important for our family. It'll just be the three of us.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Mom, anytime you say it'll just be the three of us, it means you're dating someone new. Whoever it is, I don't care, I'll just see him at the wedding.
- Lily van der Woodsen: Fine, fine, then I wil just tell you who it is, because you're going to be seeing him around from now on. It's Bart Bass.
- Serena van der Woodsen, Eric van der Woodsen: Bart Bass!
- [Serena and Eric say in unison]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Mom, you can not date Bart Bass.
- Lily van der Woodsen: You just said a moment ago you didn't care who it was.
- Serena van der Woodsen: That was before I knew who it was.
- Eric van der Woodsen: He only has one facial expression. He scares me.
- Serena van der Woodsen: And he raised Chuck. That scares me.
- Lily van der Woodsen: Oh, Serena, as usual you're being overly dramatic. I'm not marrying Bart, this is very casual. And regardless, I'm not asking your permission.
- Rufus Humphrey: Hey Lil, you know everything's closed on Christmas. Diners that claim to be open twenty four seven, it's false advertising. So Alison's leaving she's spending time alone with the kids and I've seen to walk all the way from Brooklyn to your doorstep without a jacket in the snow, so what the hell. I miss you and I have been missing you for awhile.
- Blair Waldorf: [tries to flag down a cab but it doesn't stop for her] Hey! Nice holiday spirit, scrooge!
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh gosh, so it's gonna be a real Waldorf Christmas?
- Blair Waldorf: Well, a real Waldorf Christmas Eve. Eleanor drew the line at Christmas Day. That's only for me, her, and Dorota.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Well, you still have a couple of days with your dad.
- Blair Waldorf: Well, it'll be more than just a couple of days, I'm gonna convince him to stay in New York.
- Serena van der Woodsen: What about Paris and Roman?
- Blair Waldorf: Roman is a phase. My father belongs here with me, he only left New York to ride out the scandal. Time to come home, don't you think? Hey, did you wanna ask me something?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Yes, a gift idea for Dan now that Vanessa got him the most thoughtful Dan-like present ever.
- Blair Waldorf: Why don't you just buy him a new outfit for Cedric and call it day?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Thank you for being totally not helpful at all. See you tomorrow night.
- Blair Waldorf: Bye!
- Blair Waldorf: [leaving a voicemail to Chuck] Chuck, you are not answering my calls to torture me, I'm sure, but please, for the love of God, do not tell anybody about us okay, please, please.
- [Blair hangs up the phone right as Serena walks in]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Hey, you told me to come right away. Is everything alright?
- Blair Waldorf: Yeah.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Why aren't you with your dad?
- Blair Waldorf: I need your login for your agency site from your modeling days.
- Serena van der Woodsen: My modeling days? I did one print ad for Gap when I was twelve. What, are you holding an open call or something?
- Blair Waldorf: Well, I have one specific look in mind.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Okay, well, I don't know if I'll still even be in here. We'll look at that.
- Blair Waldorf: Addresses and phone numbers, perfect. You know I called you an hour ago. BTW you're late.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Um, you're lucky I'm even here at all. It's Christmas Eve and I still haven't found a gift for Dan. Now all the stores are closing and I'm totally screwed. Do you have any idea what you can buy for under fifty dollars these days?
- Blair Waldorf: I dunno, a single entrée at a mid-priced restaurant, three quarters of a DVD box set, maybe a pair of Wolford stockings.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, stockings, yes, great idea for Dan. Blair, please, this is serious.
- Blair Waldorf: I dunno, why don't you buy him a gold money clip card and say it's forty-nine ninety-nine. He won't know the difference.
- Serena van der Woodsen: What are you doing anyway?
- Blair Waldorf: I'm booking me a model.
- Blair Waldorf: Dorota's gonna kill you if you get glue on that comforter.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Sorry we've turned your room into an art studio, B, but the clock is ticking.
- Vanessa Abrams: I'm done.
- Eric van der Woodsen: Wow.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh my gosh, wow, that's amazing. Thank you so much, Vanessa, this is going to be incredible.
- Vanessa Abrams: Good, I'm glad I could help. I think he'll really love it.
- Blair Waldorf: Vanessa, I think I'd like to help with this little project. Would you come and help me find another pair of scissors?
- [Blair and Vanessa walk into the bathroom]
- Blair Waldorf: It's so nice what your doing for your friend Dan, helping his girlfriend make his Christmas present. Serena is so grateful because she likes to see the best in people. I like to see the truth.
- Vanessa Abrams: Yeah? And what's that?
- Blair Waldorf: I think you like Dan a little too much, just thought I should let you know someone's watching. Merry Christmas.
- [Vanessa walks out of the bathroom]
- Vanessa Abrams: I'm taking off. Call me when you're done.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Okay, where you going?
- Blair Waldorf: I'm gonna go check on my daddy.
- Eric van der Woodsen: I thought you were gonna help.
- Blair Waldorf: I think my work's done here.
- Rufus Humphrey: [with letter that The New Yorker sent to Dan] My son, the writer.
- Alison Humphrey: Published writer.
- Jenny Humphrey: Yeah, you got your dream girl and your story in New Yorker. Maybe you should just die now.
- Dan Humphrey: It's true. I may have peaked.
- [opens another letter]
- Dan Humphrey: This one is from the Smiths. "Season's Greetings." That's... very original.
- Jenny Humphrey: Their name is Smith. They don't have to be original.
- Dan Humphrey: [opened another one] This one is from, uh, Alex...
- Alison Humphrey: [alarmed] What?
- Dan Humphrey: [reads aloud] "Alison, meet me... meet me on the twenty-fourth."
- Alison Humphrey: No, Dan...
- Dan Humphrey: And that's not a Christmas card.
- Gossip Girl: [as Blair causes ice-skating Roman to take a dive] Spotted at Wollman Rink, the Blair Capades. All the grace of Nancy Kerrigan, but packing the punch of Tonya Harding.
- Jenny Humphrey: [laptop shopping] Okay, how about this? We know it's something Serena doesn't have.
- Dan Humphrey: A year of cheese for six hundred dollars? Are these people kidding? I could buy a cow for that much money and make my own cheese.
- Jenny Humphrey: You said "make my own cheese."
- [giggles]
- Jenny Humphrey: That's disgusting.
- Gossip Girl: [Blair's caught out, she arranged for Freddy to barge in on the party] Looks like Daddy's little girl isn't sugar and spice and everything nice after all.
- Dan Humphrey: [Serena lowers her shoulder-strap] Are we really gonna do this?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah.