Rufus Humphrey: Hey Lil, you know everything's closed on Christmas. Diners that claim to be open twenty four seven, it's false advertising. So Alison's leaving she's spending time alone with the kids and I've seen to walk all the way from Brooklyn to your doorstep without a jacket in the snow, so what the hell. I miss you and I have been missing you for awhile.
Lily van der Woodsen: When you two are done hiding up here I'm taking you both out for dessert.
Serena van der Woodsen: Can't mom I'm busy.
Lily van der Woodsen: But this is important for our family it'll just be the three of us.
Serena van der Woodsen: Mom anytime you say it'll just be the three of us it means your dating someone new. Whoever it is I don't care I'll just see him at the wedding.
Lily van der Woodsen: Fine, fine then I wil just tell you who it is because your going to be seeing him around from now on, it's Bart Bass.
[Serena and Eric say in unison]
Serena van der Woodsen: Mom you can not date Bart Bass.
Lily van der Woodsen: You just said a moment ago you didn't care who it was.
Serena van der Woodsen: That was before I knew who it was.
Eric van der Woodsen: He only has one facial expression he scares me.
Serena van der Woodsen: And he raised Chuck that scares me.
Lily van der Woodsen: Oh, Serena as usual your being overly dramatic. I'm not marrying Bart, this is very casual and regardless I'm not asking your permission.
Blair Waldorf: Dorota's gonna kill you if you get glue on that comforter.
Serena van der Woodsen: Sorry we've turned your room into an art studio B but the clock is ticking.
Vanessa Abrams: I'm done.
Eric van der Woodsen: Wow.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh my gosh, wow that's amazing. Thank you so much Vanessa this is going to be incredible.
Vanessa Abrams: Good I'm glad I could help. I think he'll really love it.
Blair Waldorf: Vanessa, I think I'd like to help with this little project. Would you come and help me find another pair of scissors?
[Blair and Vanessa walk into the bathroom]
Blair Waldorf: It's so nice what your doing for your friend Dan, helping his girlfriend make his Christmas present. Serena is so grateful because she likes to see the best in people, I like to see the truth.
Vanessa Abrams: Yeah? And what's that?
Blair Waldorf: I think you like Dan a little too much, just thought I should let you know someone's watching. Merry Christmas.
[Vanessa walks out of the bathroom]
Vanessa Abrams: I'm taking off call me when you're done.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay, where you going?
Blair Waldorf: I'm gonna go check on my daddy.
Eric van der Woodsen: I thought you were gonna help.
Blair Waldorf: I think my works done here.
Blair Waldorf: Hey! Nice holiday spirit scrooge!
[trying to flag down a cab but it doesn't stop for her]
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh gosh, so it's gonna be a real Waldorf Christmas?
Blair Waldorf: Well a real Waldorf Christmas Eve. Eleanor drew the line at Christmas Day that's only for me, her, and Dorota.
Serena van der Woodsen: Well you still have a couple of days with your dad.
Blair Waldorf: Well it'll be more than just a couple of days, I'm gonna convince him to stay in New York.
Serena van der Woodsen: What about Paris and Roman?
Blair Waldorf: Roman is a phase my father belongs here with me, he only left New York to ride out the scandal. Time to come home, don't you think? Hey did you wanna ask me something?
Serena van der Woodsen: Yes, a gift idea for Dan now that Vanessa got him the most thoughtful Dan-like present ever.
Blair Waldorf: Why don't you just buy him a new outfit for Cedrick and call it day.
Serena van der Woodsen: Thank you for being totally not helpful at all. See you tomorrow night.
Blair Waldorf: Bye!
Blair Waldorf: [leaving a voicemail to Chuck] Chuck you are not answering my calls to torture me I'm sure but please for the love of God do not tell anybody about us okay, please, please.
[Blair hangs up the phone right as Serena walks in]
Serena van der Woodsen: Hey you told me to come right away is everything alright?
Blair Waldorf: Yeah.
Serena van der Woodsen: Why aren't you with your dad?
Blair Waldorf: I need your login for your agency site from your modeling days.
Serena van der Woodsen: My modeling days? I did one print ad for Gap when I was twelve. What are you holding an open call or something?
Blair Waldorf: Well I have one specific look in mind.
Serena van der Woodsen: Okay, well I don't know if I'll still even be in here. Well look at that.
Blair Waldorf: Addresses and phone numbers, perfect. You know I called you an hour ago BTW your late.
Serena van der Woodsen: Um, your lucky I'm even here at all it's Christmas Eve and I still haven't found a gift for Dan. Now all the stores are closing and I'm totally screwed. Do you have any idea what you can buy for under fifty-dollars these days?
Blair Waldorf: I dunno, a single entrée at a mid-priced restaurant, three quarters of a DVD box set, maybe a pair of woolfred stockings.
Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, stockings yes great idea for Dan. Blair please this is serious.
Blair Waldorf: I dunno, why don't you buy a him a gold money cliping card and say it's forty-nine ninety-nine he won't know the difference.
Serena van der Woodsen: What are you doing anyway?
Blair Waldorf: I'm booking me a model.