Michael Scott : Let's face it. Most guys are from the Dark Ages. They're cavemen. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing eight-inch heels. And to be wearing see-through underpants. But for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.
Michael Scott : Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable. There's a wishing fountain at the mall, and I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela a heart and for Kelly a brain. "Michael. How can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?" You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.
Karen Filippelli : What you're saying is extremely misogynistic.
Michael Scott : Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And it proves my point. Women can do anything.
Karen Filippelli : I'm saying that you're being sexist.
Michael Scott : No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.
Karen Filippelli : That's the same thing.
Phyllis Lapin : Michael.
Michael Scott : Yes.
Phyllis Lapin : When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
Michael Scott : Because... That was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.
Angela : And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods.
Michael Scott : I have to know whether you're serious or not.
Pam Beesly : Michael, you shouldn't do anything that you're uncomfortable with.
Michael Scott : Jan says is anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing
Michael Scott : I don't know, maybe we're different people, I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex.
Pam Beesly : Oh my God.
Michael Scott : Argh... and then watching it back right afterwards to improve my form.
Karen Filippelli : That is not healthy behaviour.
Michael Scott : No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.
Pam Beesly : Michael, you need to get out of this.
Michael Scott : No, she's just fooling around. it's a woman thing.
Pam Beesly : No, normal women don't do stuff like that. This is bad
[There's a short pause and then Michael starts crying]
Michael Scott : [Michael has just finished writing a pros and cons list about Jan] Done.
Pam Beesley : Read the pros first.
Michael Scott : Ok, Jan is smart, uh, successful, good clothes, hot, perfect skin, nice butt.
Phyllis Lapin : She does have very nice clothes.
Karen Filippelli : Ok, ok, uhm... cons.
Michael Scott : Cons: wears too much make up; breasts, not anything to write home about, insecure about body, I'm unhappy when I'm with her, flat-chested...
Pam Beesley : What was the last one?
Michael Scott : She's totally flat, shrunken chesticles.
Phyllis Lapin : No, the one before that.
Michael Scott : I'm unhappy when I'm with her.
Pam Beesley : [pause] Michael, you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy.
Michael Scott : I'm happy sometimes. Uhm... when we scrapbook or right towards the end of having sex.
Karen Filippelli : Look, most relationships have their rough patches, you just have to push through it sometimes.
Michael Scott : Man, that's smart.
Pam Beesley : Maybe. But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other.
Michael Scott : That sounds good too
[Pam and Karen look at each other, and the latter acts unconfortable]
Michael Scott : I don't know who's right. I just, I don't know. i don't know.
Phyllis Lapin : I bet you know, don't think just answer, what you wanna do about Jan?
Michael Scott : I wanna break up with Jan
[Realizes his answer]
Michael Scott : Wow! I wanna break up with Jan.
Phyllis Lapin : [Everybody smiles] My mom taught me that.