Cappie: Spitter, what are you so afraid of?
Rusty Cartwright: Rejection. Humiliation. And clowns.
Cappie: Well, those are scary things, but let's try and maintain perspective.
Casey Cartwright: Have you forgotten about our first time? You can be as cocky as you want but it was more than just sex.
Cappie: It was pretty amazing right.
Casey Cartwright: No! It was awkward, uncomfortable and terrifying. But we were in love it was a perfect moment in time that I look back on with no regrets. Rusty deserves the same.
Cappie: It's simple. The secret to flirting, dating, and hooking up is all biology.
Rusty Cartwright: Don't you mean anatomy?
Cappie: Spitter, can't you see I'm in lecture mode? Where was I? AH! Biology. Okay, there's this guy named Chuck Darwin, now he proved that mankind has evolved over billions and trillions of years. Darwin showed that every aspect of human behavior has an evolutionary purpose. Right? Chatting up girls is in our genetic code, we're programmed to be able to do it. Why? So we can boink and make babies. It's survival of the flirtiest.
Rusty Cartwright: So you're saying I'm becoming extinct?
Cappie: No, no. I'm saying evolution has made us good at this. You need to get outta your head and just trust your instincts. The ability to attract a female is hardwired into your DNA.
Rusty Cartwright: That actually makes scientific sense.
Cappie: Of course it does, I was a Bio major once! Now let's go make Chuckie D proud.
Cappie: In your virgin mind women are like these mythical creatures. Like unicorns. With breasts! But let me tell you something, that's a myth. Women are just normal people with breasts.
Frannie: The sluts at Tri Pi have been circling him like hyenas in heat; we cannot afford to lose him.
Frannie: Oh come on Little Miss Mopey, it's not like I'm telling you to kill puppies!
Rusty Cartwright: I've never been on a date before.
Rusty Cartwright: What? Is that so weird?
[pause, then turns to Dale]
Rusty Cartwright: Wait, Dale. You've been on a *date*?
Dale: Hey, I'm a virgin. Not a leper.
Cappie: Turning your brother into your boyfriend is kinda creepy, Case!
Casey Cartwright: [talking about Rusty] He asked me for help!
Cappie: And he looks like he's about to overdose on khaki.
Evan Chambers: Look, Rebecca, I made a huge mistake hooking up with you, okay? I love my girlfriend.
Rebecca Logan: I got that sense when you were taking my bra off with your teeth.
Ashleigh: Pledge, let's go shopping.
Calvin: Uh, I have a name, you know.
Ashleigh: I'm sure you do.
Calvin: So you need a date for Friday. I don't see what the big deal is.
Rusty Cartwright: For the rest of the house it isn't, girls are all they talk about.
Calvin: Oh man I am with you. I am so sick of hearing guys talk about getting laid.
Dale: Calvin, I could not agree more. I mean, when is the Greek system gonna realize that sex before marriage is like slappin' God in the face?
Calvin: [frowns] Not exactly what I meant.
Frannie: Ashleigh, if I find one drop of paint on the floor, I'll gut you.
Frannie: Have fun!
Rusty Cartwright: I know you guys think virginity is like this precious gift, but you know what, it's not! It's a big fat burden, it's one that's making me feel like this lonely, awkward loser and I'm tired of feeling that way and tonight I have a chance to change that. So I'm gonna give my gift away. I'm gonna give it to a girl named Lucy ... or Laura, or something that begins with an L.