Mediator: Welcome to Alien Abductee Anonymous. Everyone find a seat.
Survivor 1: ...They looked like hot blond chicks. And they were very interested in me. Sexually.
Survivor 2: They beamed both me and my cow up. For the longest time, just talked to the cow, like like I think they thought he was in charge.
Survivor 3: Well, they told me they would reveal the secrets of the universe to me.
Survivor 1: ...Then they probed me, anally.
Survivor 2: ...Then they probed me. I don't think they ever probed my cow. They seemed to respect him too much.
Survivor 3: ...And they probed me with incredible knowledge about the meaning of existence.
[pause]
Survivor 3: And with an anal probe.
