User reviews

If you are a fan of the redneck then you will love this movie. Larry the cable guy plays the ultimate country, hick deputy. First he has a hot girlfriend, played by Jenny Mccarthy, which makes you wonder how he could land a girl like her, but that's before she starts talking. She loves all his critters too. Larry sees this hot blond, Madeleine, come in with several suits in a black SUV. His first thought is she's been kidnapped, so he kidnaps her. They get chased by the FBI all the way up to Chicago. Madeleine is a witness. Larry thinks the FBI guys with her are corrupt. He basically gets all these ideas from watching TV shows like cops. And Madedleine has some sort of key and they are looking for a computer disk. It was sort of confusing.

Basically, if you watch this, forget about the plot because the movie is all about the redneck jokes. While I didn't find it LOL, it was still amusing. Better than a lot of comedies.

FINAL VERDICT: If you like " you might be a redneck if"jokes, then this movie is right up your alley. If you don't like hill billy's then, I say skip this film.

I wish I could tell you the plot of this movie but it failed to have one. I can't believe I watched it all the way through. It garnered about 2 laughs from me. It had too much crude humor that left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Not to mention the bathroom jokes. Larry, played by Larry, is a cop(of sorts?) thinking that Madeleine(Ivana) is kidnapped when she is actually in the witness protection program. Craziness ensues and I can't say much else. It was hard to follow-or maybe it was because I kept zoning out during the movie. I love slapstick but I think I'll stick to Jim Varney's slapstick humor. There seems to be some similarity between the two comedians. The hat, the accent, the clothes(coincidence?) and the fact that they both did stand up and went to movies though Varney was a whole lot better. Let's just hope Larry doesn't start branching out into commercials. I say, stick with the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, which I think works best for Larry and please stop making movies. I'm afraid to watch the other movies that Larry has made. But, I watched this movie, trying to give it the benefit of the doubt. I did have an open mind, but I just couldn't like it.

It is hard to put into words just where this movie failed. But one overshadowing fact does come to mind; it was witless alright.

The comedy in this 2008 movie was just about fully absent, and what little comedy that was to be found throughout the course of this movie was just about as witless as the movie itself was.

I can't claim to enjoy Larry the Cable Guy's comedy, and why he is making movies is just beyond my comprehension. Ivana Milicevic was the one who carried the movie and made it any close to being bearable suffering through this train-wreck of a movie. And how they managed to get Joe Mantegna and Peter Stomare to appear in this movie was just an impressive feat in itself.

I suppose that you have to be a fan of Larry the Cable Guy to enjoy this movie in any way.

A witless hour and a half that deserves a two out of ten stars only given the production value of the movie. The rest of the movie just came and left without a single laugh. This was a wide swing and an even wider miss by director Charles Robert Carner.

Which was not very. I didn't want to watch this movie. I mean after Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector and Delta Farce, I nearly ripped my cousin apart for dragging me to see them. But I wanted to see a movie and this was just about the only thing that I had not already seen. I had to have a little hope since I'm a big Blue Collar fan. But, Witless Protection was packed with not-so-funny jokes and idiotic situations that only a certain buck-toothed, slovenly demographic will laugh at. If you were insulted by the preceding sentence, then this movie isn't for you either as it is offensive itself.

Jenny McCarthy is fun to look at. But that doesn't makes up for the rest of this "movie" in no way whatsoever. Stick to animated movies, Larry.

1/10

This is one of those slight-of-hand smart comedies, which explains why its target audience hated it so much. A bit too intellectual for them.

A lot of the stuff involves dumb gags, silly (and easily seen over-the-top) stereotypes, and the acting is not going to win any awards for comedy or otherwise. But it is all wound up into an enjoyable story and directed well enough that even Eric Roberts is able to handle his role. It also has enough complexity and subtlety to keep it interesting (provided you're able to make it through the first 10 minutes, which really is bad, but does still tie into the story).

Maybe the problem is that the target audience can't handle the memory required to get past the first 10 minutes.

Oh, man did I get done watching "Witless Protection" and let me tell you what, it's a piece of crap! I don't understand why Larry The Cable Guy continues to make crappy movies that nobody cares to watch unless you're a redneck or a total idiot. God, helps us if you're up there not playing poker.

I don't know where to begin.

Basically in "Witless Protection" Larry the Cable Guy plays a law enforcer wannabe who's seen too many programs of "Cops" and other police shows in thinking he can be a law enforcer in which he's nothing but one big joke to the community. He ends up kidnapping a foreign babe who's an actual witness and not someone kidnapped.

Larry The Cable Guy is not even cool enough to have his own sitcom or even start his pathetic movie line up of films from "Health Inspector" to "Delta Farce" and they failed more times than films that became cult classics. This film nor will any film featuring Larry the Cable Guy in live action movies will ever be classics, even when he's dead, they'll be burning in the bonfires.

The Good: Nothing! The OK: Jenny McCarthy's hot body.

The Not: EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS FILM SUCKS!!! Overall, I have better movies to watch. This wasn't even my fault in watching this movie, it was my dad's fault and he even fell asleep where I just walked away and did something else.

Larry the Cable Guy (Daniel Lawrence Whitney) is an excruciatingly funny stand-up comedian. He knows how to hit a mark. It's obvious he's disciplined enough to fulfill all the requirements of doing a workmanlike job in front of a camera.

Yet.

Doing a movie with this level of scripted awfulness is a witless and heartless crime. Why is stupid acceptable? Why waste "Larry?"

Because there are enough lunkheads who will pay from seven to ten bucks to see this trash in a theatre (we thought we'd take a chance on it, using a Netflix gift membership, so it wouldn't cost us anything).

Witless was the perfect adjective.

And no amount of Jenny McCarthy's skin could make this movie any better.

This movie was running on one of my channels, so I decided to watch it. I found it very difficult to sit through the entire movie because it was simply terrible.

First of all, I'm not an American so I don't know much about Larry the Cable Guy. I haven't seen him in any movies or television series, and after watching this movie I wonder why he's so famous. He was not funny at all in this movie.

Second, they show Jenny McCarthy on the poster as if she has a lot to do with this movie, she was probably on screen for about 5-10 minutes in total. They obviously put her on the poster to lure people to watch the movie. So I'd expect Jenny McCarthy fans to be quite disappointed with this feature.

Witless Protection was witless and pointless. The movie was all over the place and I did not care much for any of the characters. I would not recommend my friends to watch this movie for any reason. Time would be better spent in any other place.

There's nothing more annoying than reading hyped up movie reviews written by Liars deceiving you into believing a movie is worth your while. There is not one positive or good thing about this Movie. Everything is crap. The writing, the acting, the soundtrack. This movie is pure crap and certainly not even remotely funny. There is nothing humorous at all this movie is vile, boring, stupid, annoying, you will be so sorry you put this movie on. You will be so angry at yourself for watching even a little bit of it you will be in such a bad mood after watching something so stupid you will want to risk cutting your hand in order to break the disc in two. You'll want to break your TV.

Fat small-town sheriff Lawrence Whitney aka "Larry the Cable Guy" (as Larry Stalder) rescues beautiful blonde Ivana Milicevic (as Madeline) from what he believes are kidnappers. She is actually a "Witness Protection" woman waiting to testify against some big oil baddies. Accompanying "Larry" makes it more like "Witless Protection" (get it?) for Ms. Milicevic. This leads to danger and misadventure for the duo. In a smaller appearance than the film's promotional material suggests, Jenny McCarthy shows off her curves. Eric Roberts and Yaphet Kotto are among those trying not to embarrass themselves. "Witless" is too elevated a description.

* Witless Protection (2/22/08) Charles Robert Carner ~ Larry the Cable Guy, Ivana Milicevic, Yaphet Kotto, Eric Roberts

Now, I don't think this was a great movie. It's something to watch when you're at home with nothing to do and it happens to come on T.V. Maybe something to pick up out of the bargain bin at your local video store when it's for sale for $2.00. But that said, I did find it entertaining in places, and I don't think it deserves to be in the bottom 100 movies of all time.

I try to generally be forbearing of all kinds of humor. But exactly what is funny about a disgusting, boorish, stupid buffoon with zero redeeming qualities who is exaggeratedly and impossibly inept at everything he does but nonetheless manages to be perceived as some kind of hero or genius by law enforcement/the populace is and has been lost on me since I was a child. That is what Larry the Cable Guy is in Delta Farce and Health Inspector. I guess this is also what makes people like his comedy, but on stage he is just some (fake) redneck talking and making redneck jokes, so I can at least understand people finding that humorous. He is not in charge of anything, he is not responsible for the health of a town, nor does not have an armed humvee filled with weaponry. I can't sympathize with his stupid characters.

In this movie at least, I can sympathize with his goals, because they're actually human. He is a small town cop who naively dreams about being in the FBI. He is bumbling but nonetheless capable of moments of competence and of surprising cleverness. He has areas of actual expertise, a world view that can be understood, the morals and ethics of a decent (if backwards and unsophisticated) person. He feels like a real person. And I like that.

Witless Protection isn't that funny a movie. But it's more entertaining than the majority of made for T.V. capers you see these days. It has its moments. I really don't see how it can possibly be lower rated than his other movies. It's not 'mindless,' more intelligent than Health Inspector and Delta Farce, and nowhere near the level of movies like Gigli and Daddy Day Camp.

Larry Stalder is a small town sheriff's deputy with a sagging midsection and a grandiose dream of one day becoming an agent for the FBI. He doesn't exactly enhance his chances of fulfilling that dream when he "rescues" a woman whom he mistakenly believes has been kidnapped by what he thinks is a gang of sunglass-wearing mobsters. In actuality, they are federal agents transporting a whistle-blower to a trial in Chicago where her testimony could spell big trouble for a powerful, Enron-type CEO with whom she was once romantically involved. A lengthy cross country chase ensues with the agents hot on the heels of this nitwit law enforcer and his unwitting "hostage."

Armed with crime-fighting knowledge he's gleaned primarily from cable TV, and with a malapropism for every occasion, Larry bumbles his way from one outlandish situation to the next, somehow managing to stay one step ahead of the authorities at all times.

Larry the Cable Guy has that rare ability to perform low comedy routines without having to resort to self-conscious mugging to garner laughs. Likewise, Ivana Milicevic, Eric Roberts, Joe Mantegna, Jenny McCarthy and a whole host of other comic actors throw themselves into their roles with a great deal of abandon and aplomb.

The humor is broad (to put it mildly), but it is more often fleet-footed than flatfooted, and the whole enterprise is so dopey and good-natured that you may just find yourself chuckling right along with all the goofiness - provided, that is, you can put your brain on hold for the full hour-and-a-half that the movie takes to play itself out.

I counted 6 fart jokes (unless one squeaked by undetected), and as you'd expect they were mostly juvenile and awkward except one--the airport security gag--which was funny enough to warrant a hearty LOL out of me. And I think that sums the movie up pretty accurately: most of the humor is predictable and offensive, but hey, 1 out of 6 zingers might work for you.

The plot of "Witless Protection" isn't half bad. It's about a redneck ne'er-do-well, Larry, who makes a colossally stupid guess that he sees a crime in progress, and his misguided righteous redneck mentality prompts him to get tangled up in a big mess trying to protect a reluctant damsel in distress who doesn't want anything to do with him. Larry's bumbling stupidity is matched only by his surprisingly keen instincts, and as things unfold, you realize maybe Larry isn't as dumb as he looks.

A few farts later, you realize that yeah, he IS as dumb as he looks. But no matter, the story moves along keeping us interested enough, and as I said, you've got a 1 in 6 probability of being surprised with a really funny gag.

The comedy is straightforward redneck humor, meaning it's a mix of self-deprecating stupidity, gross-out pride, overhanging gut scenes and low key racist humor. By 'low key racist' I mean jokes sort of like Archie Bunker where we are supposed to laugh at how ignorant he is.

But let's take a paragraph to talk about that real quick. Ignorant/racist humor only works when there's an intelligent character in the mix to balance things out. An excellent example would be Mel Brooks' "Blazing Saddles" which has so many racist characters you'd think the KKK were handing out free torches, BUT Gene Wilder and Cleavon Little put them in their place with superior intelligence so we, the audience, never feel awkward laughing at the gags.

But here in "Witless Protection" there's not really an intelligent character to deliver the punchline, so some of the self-deprecating racist jokes remain open ended. An example is when Larry goes to a motel that's operated by an Indian man (I'm guessing from the horribly contrived accent), and Larry proceeds to unleash a barrage of insults such as "diaper head" and whatnot. We, the audience, are waiting for the punchline... like maybe the Indian guy turns out to be a Harvard graduate who puts Larry in his place. But no, the scene just sort of ends. Big fail there, writers: you may want to brush up on your Mel Brooks before taking a crack at another script.

Another fail worth noting is that, despite the DVD cover, posters and promos heavily featuring Jenny McCarthy, she only appears in 3 or 4 scenes.

So overall, this flick wasn't horrible, but it certainly wasn't great. Lots of missed opportunities. But 1 in 6 farts hit the mark.

"Witless Protection" is not that funny a movie but it's not that bad either. Larry the Cable Guy can be funny when he's given something to work with. He does a pretty nice nice job in this movie. His supporting cast is also pretty good. I wish Jenny McCarthy and Ivana Milicevic had switched roles. Milicevic is fine and she won me over by the end of the movie but it's just that I wish McCarthy was in more of the movie. Speaking of McCarthy, why did they put her in that stupid wig. Let her be the blonde that she normally is for crying out loud. "Witless Protection" isn't any special but it's an okay watch for a rainy afternoon.

A small town local sheriff witnesses what he believes to be a kidnapping when a woman is taken. little does he know that it's really the FBI wanting to question her for something. He kidnaps the girl and she tells him some story about her running from some crazy guys that are after her,, he swears to protect her, but he must lose the people who are tailing him,, presumably the FBI , and the hunt is now on to find our redneck hero and the girl,, the bad guys hire some people to go after the two as getting to her is key to whatever they plan to accomplish...this movie is funny , and does have a few bright spots,, like Jenny Mcarthy half naked. but other than that I am gonna have to say that this is just not very good,, Larry the Cable Guy really can't act,, sure he's funny ill give you that,, but the accents are horrible, and the acting isn't very good.

I don't understand how this movie was able to get any kind of funding. Don't waste your time.

A redneck humor film that was funny when I was in 8th grade. It should stay there.

1/5. Get out of my head.

This really is an OK movie. Only the most uptight of folks would find this that awful. The Good - Jenny, Ivana, Larry, stereotypes, mindless fun, witless conversation, Mississippi scenes (kinda looked like Illinois to me though), multiple mammary closeups, ....

The Bad - Jenny, Ivana, Larry, stereotypes, mindless fun, witless conversation, Mississippi scenes (kinda looked like Illinois to me though), multiple mammary closeups, ....

Simple stupid entertainment. As for my vote, well it was like deciding the presidential vote. We deserve better, but Obama(Ivana), Hilliary (Larry), and John (Jenni) are higher than ones, but not even close to tens, So I guess I will have to give them 5's and flip a 3 sided coin in the booth. Likewise, witless is worth probably less than a 5, but the predominate vote of 1 forces my rating of 10, at least as idiotic as the many who rated it a one.

Whats a Southern boy to do?

I decided to watch this movie despite all of the bad reviews. It's a good thing I saw one review that said otherwise. I agree with that one single review out of all the reviews. It is definitely not a bad movie at all. I was laughing a lot while watching this movie and that doesn't happen to often with me. I've watched movies with high ratings only to feel like my time was stolen from me. So don't go by all the negative reviews that you see. I am not one of those that enjoy slapstick comedies much but this one has a thumbs up from me. Larry the Cable Guy was great in this movie. Although it was not believable (I watch movies to escape from reality) it was a humdinger.

Forget the other Larry the Cable Guy movies - this one is really funny. There are so many sight gags and one-liners I lost track. I missed half the jokes because I was laughing so hard! It's the funniest movie I've seen since "Knocked Up."

The scene with the motel clerk - OMG! The bedroom scene with Larry and Ivana had the whole audience cracking up. The airport scene is unbelievable. And Joe Mantegna is a scream. Jenny McCarthy is funny and super-sexy.

Plus, the movie actually has heart. I'm telling everyone I know to see it!

Yup, its slapstick, its over the top. So what? The movie was actually fun and trust me is MONEY's WORTH! I was actually disappointed to see the low rating for the movie here and that's what prompted me to pitch in with a few words of deserving credit. Witless protection had some of the most ingenious and endearing moments which even the gluttonously overpriced films fail to deliver with their pricey star cast. Larry, the cable guy who plays the dumb witted cop running into trouble around every corner is hugely enjoyable and his act believable. Thankfully, the director spared a run-of-the-mill chemistry between the lead pair. So Kudos to the film for making my balmy afternoon at home a time well spent. And, I wouldn't mind watching it a second time around...

It's a cute movie. It's endearing. It's his schtick. Does not deserve the harsh reviews!