Tony Soprano: It's in his blood, this miserable fuckin' existence. My rotten, fuckin' putrid genes have infected my kid's soul. That's my gift to my son.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I know all this is difficult but I'm very glad we're having this discussion.
Tony Soprano: Really, really? 'Cause I gotta be honest, I think it fuckin' sucks.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What does?
Tony Soprano: This. Therapy. I HATE this fuckin' shit! Seriously, we're both adults here, right? So after all is said and done, after all the complainin' and the cryin' and all the fuckin' bullshit... is this all there is?
Christopher Moltisanti: You ain't seen this many cops lined up since the centennial of Dunkin' Donuts.
Christopher Moltisanti: I look in her eyes, man, and she looks back at me...
Paulie Walnuts: How the fuck do I put myself up for adoption?
Christopher Moltisanti: What?
Paulie Walnuts: Nothin'. Go ahead.
Christopher Moltisanti: She ain't adopted Paulie.
Paulie Walnuts: I'm kiddin'. What were you sayin'?
Christopher Moltisanti: My point... What the fuck?... It's babies. They're the future. You realize by the time Caitlin's outta college it'll be like the year 2027 or somethin'.
Paulie Walnuts: She takes after you she won't be outta fourth grade by then. 'Course by that time she'll be workin' here so who gives a shit.
Tony Soprano: I came here today to tell you, in all seriousness, that I'm done. I did what you said. I gave it a lot of thought and I decided, once and for all, it's over. The truth is this therapy is a jerk-off. You know it and I know it.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I actually don't know it but please continue.
Tony Soprano: It's a jerk-off.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Yes, you've said that.
Christopher Moltisanti: My friends have abandoned me. I've been totally fuckin' ostra-fied.
Carmela Soprano: It's better to have loved than lost, A.J. It's better to have loved and lost, A.J.
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: [incredulous] What?
Tony Soprano: It is.
Carmela Soprano: You've heard the term "comfort food". Maybe it'll make you feel better.
Anthony Soprano, Jr.: I know this is hard for you to believe, but food may not be the answer to every problem.
Tony Soprano: Neither is acting like a whiny little bitch.
Tony Soprano: These fuckin' women, they'll drive you nuts with their emotions and whatnot. And I know it feels like you're never gonna love anybody again. But trust me, there's millions of girls that are dyin' to meet a guy like you. I see 'em every day.
Anthony Soprano, Jr.: Oh, right. I'm so special.
Tony Soprano: You're damn right you are. You're handsome, and smart, and hard worker, and - let's be honest - white. That's a huge plus nowadays... Go out and get a blowjob.
Anthony Soprano, Jr.: I don't want a blowjob!
Tony Soprano: Keep your voice down.
Anthony Soprano, Jr.: Why? Who's listening out there?
Tony Soprano: Nobody.
[Carmela opens the door]
Anthony Soprano, Jr.: Ah, fuck me!
Stan: [Talking privately in a stairway] your boss is your uncle?
Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah.
Stan: That's got to add to the source.
Christopher Moltisanti: [Referring to Tony] we used to be some pair.
Stan: you produce movies? the stress is already too high.
Christopher Moltisanti: I have a happy marriage but there was a woman she worked with us in a club we had, she became a problem that had to be dealt with and I sided with him, but he never really appreciated it give, give, give, it's all I ever do.I think that's where our relationship got poisoned.
Tony Soprano: [sees Chris barbecuing] Oh, look at that wrist action! All those years yankin' it are finally startin' to pay off.
Christopher Moltisanti: [raises glass] To business.
Paulie Walnuts: You're goin' to jinx me? Toast with water?
Christopher Moltisanti: Club soda. What's your problem?
Paulie Walnuts: You got the problem, my friend. You're a real fuckin' drip lately.
Christopher Moltisanti: When I was usin', I was a disgrace; now I'm sober, and I'm a drip. The fuck you want from me?
Paulie Walnuts: How's about bein' normal? That so fuckin' hard?
Christopher Moltisanti: Actually, yeah, Paulie, for some of us it is.
Paulie Walnuts: Don't get cunty, I'm breakin' your balls... What do ya say we take a ride? A little prime rib, on me.
Christopher Moltisanti: Maybe next time.
Paulie Walnuts: What are you watchin' your cholesterol now too?
Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah. Fuckin' hilarious.
[gets up and leaves]
Christopher Moltisanti: You know, and I know, they were there to boost that shit.
Paulie Walnuts: It couldn't wait, OK? I promised a load to Lenny down the Joint Fitter's Union.
Christopher Moltisanti: What do I give a fuck? It ain't my union!
Paulie Walnuts: Lower your voice, I got neighbors.
Christopher Moltisanti: Fuck your neighbors! When are you gonna pay me?
Paulie Walnuts: When you suck the money out of my ass! Now get the fuck out!
Tony Soprano: What the fuck's with you?
Carlo Gervasi: Root canal, they got me on oxycodone. My whole fuckin' head is numb.
Tony Soprano: Well, that answers some questions.
Tony Soprano: You knock off early, we, uh, go back to your place, christen those new sheets you were telling me about.
Lori: The man with the plan, huh?
Tony Soprano: Uh, the man with the erection.
Carmela Soprano: [referring to AJ's depression caused by his fiancée breaking up with him] he's an emotional wreck!
Tony Soprano: [after letting AJ attend a party at a strip club] and seeing a pair of tits is going to send him over the edge?
Agent Dwight Harris: Hey, what's the good word?
Tony Soprano: Can't complain
Agent Dwight Harris: Sure, you could, Phil Leotardo. My first assignment out of the academy was in Brooklyn. Never cared for him. He tried to set up this other rookie, a female for rape and beating
Tony Soprano: Listen, that subject we talked about: if I were to know something possibly terror related and help you out, could I "bank" the result in goodwill?
Agent Dwight Harris: Well, what happens is, I would personally write you what's called a "5-k letter". It's a document setting forth your cooperation and service. It would be placed in your file, "if" you were ever convicted of a crime, it would be presented to a judge when he or she is considering sentencing guidelines
Tony Soprano: There were a couple of guys. Arabs, Arabians maybe, they used to hang around the Bing and someone I know may have done some business with them
Agent Ron Goddard: At the port?
Agent Dwight Harris: [to Tony, after gesturing to Ron not to interfere and interrupt] you were saying?
Tony Soprano: Alright, the point is they used to be around all the time these two, drinking, trying to tit fuck the girls whatever, and suddenly their disappeared. I mean completely: then a week or so ago I'm driving and see them with these other guys with the head gear, the beard and the whole "fundamental" bit, but there's nothing illegal going on over there, right?
Agent Ron Goddard: What were they doing?
Tony Soprano: Walking, then they meet up with this other group
Agent Dwight Harris: You got a name?
Christopher Moltisanti: [Referring to throwing little Paulie out a window] I did a stupid thing Tone, I won't deny it
Tony Soprano: Stupid? I just hung up with Paulie, his nephew's got six broken vertebrates
Christopher Moltisanti: I know that and I'm sorry but this is the second fuckin time Paulie flouted his authority to my face. This shit with the tools, I know he set up the deal with the Cubans but this my father-in-law we're talking about: my family
Tony Soprano: In any case this bullshit could've been handled with a conversation
Christopher Moltisanti: I came to the Bing remember? I tried to talk to you about it
Tony Soprano: And I told you to wait and you left to go God knows where. I've got to be honest because this goes directly to what we've talked about more than once. If you were around more you'd have your finger on pulse problems like these would've squashed in the womb
Christopher Moltisanti: Whether I'm around has nothing to do with it. He needed the tools? He could've left me a message
Tony Soprano: [Sarcastically] we're supposed to leave phone messages about interstate hijackings now? How about faxes? Emails? Make it even easier for the cops. This is a face to face business, Christopher and yeah I'm going to talk to Paulie because believe me there's a few things he needs to hear. But in the mean time you figure out how much he owes for the tools and we'll deduct that against with what your going to owe for little Little Paulie's hospital bills