Matt Albie : How come I'm Jewish and I'm the only one with the Christmas spirit? Come to think of it how come I'm the only Jew in a comedy writer's room?
[trying to figure out how to make snow]
Cal Shanley : Shaved coconuts!
Matt Albie : Perfect! And they're indigenous to LA.
Danny Tripp : No, they're not.
Matt Albie : They grow on palm trees!
Danny Tripp : Not ours.
Matt Albie : What do ours do?
Danny Tripp : Nothing.
Matt Albie : This city needs me.
Matt Albie : Danny? You're caring more about other people than you usually do.
Danny Tripp : You're the one who just said, 'What's she gonna do about the upfronts?'.
Matt Albie : Mine was an idle question, then I moved on to other things in my head.
Danny Tripp : So was mine.
Matt Albie : No, it wasn't. It was genuine interest.
Danny Tripp : Look, in case you haven't noticed, she's doing a good job.
Matt Albie : And there you just defended her.
Danny Tripp : What's wrong with that?
Matt Albie : For starters, no one's attacking her.
Danny Tripp : Go write!
Matt Albie : Okay.
[Matt leaves, Danny slams his hand on the desk, Matt returns]
Matt Albie : What?
Danny Tripp : Nothing.
Matt Albie : Say it. Just say it out loud!
[looking at a plastic Santa Claus with his right hand raised]
Matt Albie : What's he doing?
Cal Shanley : There are gonna be reindeer up in the balcony; he's waving at them.
Matt Albie : He's giving the Nazi salute!
Cal Shanley : Nah, he's waving at the reindeer.
Matt Albie : Why wouldn't the reindeer be with him?
Cal Shanley : Well, when you start to apply logic to Santa Claus, Matt...
Matt Albie : Alright, let's set logistics aside. He's saying, "Heil, Hitler."
Cal Shanley : I think you're reading too much into it.
Matt Albie : He's giving the Nazi salute.
Cal Shanley : [pause] Well, now that you've said it, that's all I can see.
Matt Albie : It's all anybody can see.
Cal Shanley : He's got the crazy eyes too, doesn't he?
Matt Albie : Yeah.
Cal Shanley : LET'S GET RID OF DEMENTED SANTA CLAUS!
Matt Albie : I'm the miracle on the Sunset Strip. And you're, you know, two other guys.
Matt Albie : How is it that I'm the only Jew in a comedy writer's room?
Matt Albie : Screw Christmas? Not on my watch! Look, I hate Los Angeles like everybody else but I have to work here 'cause in any other part of the country I'm unemployable so we are going to deck the halls with boughs of holly. I wanna hear sketch ideas with Santa and Rudolph and chestnuts and burning logs.
Darius Hawthorne : We could set the...
Matt Albie : Shut up!