Two and a Half Men (2003–2015)
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The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress 

In the middle of a near-death experience, Charlie thinks he hears his father's voice tell him to take care of his mother, who is just about to have a "minor procedure" performed on her.

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(created by), (created by) | 4 more credits »

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Cast

Episode cast overview:
... Charlie Harper
... Alan Harper
... Jake Harper
... Berta
... Evelyn Harper
... Rose (voice)
... Dottie
... Sam
... Gangster #1 (voice)
... Gangster #2 (voice)
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Storyline

Solely to get to a surfing girl, Charlie mounts his own board which had been gathering dust since he moved to Malibu, and nearly drowns at the first wave; he gets shark hallucinations and 'instinctively' tongue-kisses the burly lifeguard who resuscitates him mouth-to-mouth, but the worst thing is a vision of his dead father telling him to take care of mother Evelyn Harper. Alan first bitches dad didn't even mention him, but finally comes along to the dreaded dragon. She slips out to Alan his conception was a gas station condom accident, announces minor 'woman surgery' the next day and is invited to the beach house after what turns out to be plastic surgery, a fat transplant Jake calls 'her butt is in her lips'; in no time she angers both sons to despair again. Then Charlie finds out that 'father's voice' actually was just an old gangster movie on video, so when his life-savior asks him for a coffee, presumably eager for more French kissing... Written by KGF Vissers

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Genres:

Comedy | Romance

Certificate:

TV-14 | See all certifications »
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Details

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Release Date:

2 October 2006 (USA)  »

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Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1
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Did You Know?

Trivia

The title comes from the 1966 science fiction novel "The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress" by Robert A. Heinlein. See more »

Quotes

Alan Harper: [Evelyn comes in with her lips grotesquely swollen] What happened to your mouth?
Evelyn Harper: I just had a little procedure.
Alan Harper: [astonished] What kind of procedure?
Charlie Harper: They sucked some fat out of her ass, and shot it into her lips.
Alan Harper: What did they do... use the *whole* ass?
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Connections

References The Wizard of Oz (1939) See more »

Soundtracks

Two and a Half Men - Titelsong
(uncredited)
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