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Sloppy, thoroughly inept Vivid Video filler
I look forward to some scholar writing the book on the late Vivid porn label, so often lionized as the industry's leading distributor but built on shaky foundations. "Hide and Seek" is a representative example of the crap that Vivid included on its release schedule during its peak years, lost in the shuffle beside so many "award-winning" blockbuster titles featuring its roster of famous contract stars.
Monique Alexander was under contract and extremely talented (her career extends long after her big-name counterparts went off to pasture) but was not as popular as the Jennas or Savannas, and gets stuck holding down the fort for Hank "Hack" Hoffman this time around.
Proper title should have been "Hide and Go Seek" as that catch-phrase is explicitly displayed on screen printed on an invitation received by a bunch of Monique fans, who won admission to a rural farm where the title game will be played. Both variations "Hide and Seek" and "Hide & Seek" are displayed in the opening vs. ending credits, but sloppiness extends to the video's construction and cavalier attitude toward dialog and any consistency. One becomes aware early on that everything is merely in service of providing five mechanical sex scenes, suitable for later excerpting and compilation.
The invitees have five minutes to hide around the farm, after which lovely Monique will search for them. Last one found wins a date with Monique, i.e., sex with a star.
This meager excuse for a premise is contradicted by the action, as after several yawn-inducing outdoor sex scenes, Tommy Gunn and Brit import Isabelle Ice are interrupted as last couple standing by Monique, who has them complete their sex (through to money shot), put on the honor system that the first one to elicit the other's orgasm will be the contest winner, breaking the tie. This is never resolved: instead the video mercifully ends with Monique finding Marcus London who she had a hankering for earlier, and humping him.
Hoffman might as well have opted for an all-sex approach, as his insert footage of Monique lurking near each couple (with no connective scene of her doing a "gotcha!" except for the Gunn/Ice pairing) seems tacked on to unrelated porn vignettes. A total waste of time.
Monique Alexander was under contract and extremely talented (her career extends long after her big-name counterparts went off to pasture) but was not as popular as the Jennas or Savannas, and gets stuck holding down the fort for Hank "Hack" Hoffman this time around.
Proper title should have been "Hide and Go Seek" as that catch-phrase is explicitly displayed on screen printed on an invitation received by a bunch of Monique fans, who won admission to a rural farm where the title game will be played. Both variations "Hide and Seek" and "Hide & Seek" are displayed in the opening vs. ending credits, but sloppiness extends to the video's construction and cavalier attitude toward dialog and any consistency. One becomes aware early on that everything is merely in service of providing five mechanical sex scenes, suitable for later excerpting and compilation.
The invitees have five minutes to hide around the farm, after which lovely Monique will search for them. Last one found wins a date with Monique, i.e., sex with a star.
This meager excuse for a premise is contradicted by the action, as after several yawn-inducing outdoor sex scenes, Tommy Gunn and Brit import Isabelle Ice are interrupted as last couple standing by Monique, who has them complete their sex (through to money shot), put on the honor system that the first one to elicit the other's orgasm will be the contest winner, breaking the tie. This is never resolved: instead the video mercifully ends with Monique finding Marcus London who she had a hankering for earlier, and humping him.
Hoffman might as well have opted for an all-sex approach, as his insert footage of Monique lurking near each couple (with no connective scene of her doing a "gotcha!" except for the Gunn/Ice pairing) seems tacked on to unrelated porn vignettes. A total waste of time.
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- lor_
- Jul 31, 2017
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- Runtime1 hour 33 minutes
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