The Woods Have Eyes

This low-budget horror flick manages to be just bad enough to be entertaining. Like a cross between "Growing Up Gotti," "Stand By Me," "My Side of the Mountain," and, well, "The Hills Have Eyes," the filmmaker put together a combination of elements so bizarre you can't stop watching--even though you will seriously consider it, several times.

We've got Carmine, who might have been kicked off an episode of "The Sopranos" for being too over-the-top, and a fat kid, and some other kids. They are hiking in the woods, and quickly become prey for a mentally retarded redneck, his redneck brother, and their redneck dad, Cappy. Fortunately, despite his short stature (or perhaps because of it), Carmine knows some sweet moves to defend himself and the boys. As an added bonus, one of the kids brought along a copy of an excellent survival guide, containing tips which, skimmed briefly, can teach a bunch of city kids how to outsmart three grown men who've lived in the woods their whole lives.

Throw in one completely pointless hot-blonde-hillbilly-girl, an army of cops who couldn't find a mountain if they were staring at it, and five minutes of Carmine shirtless, and you have yourself a great little flick to get drunk and laugh at. I will leave you with a quote, from the town sheriff: "Oh, Cappy, Cappy, Cappy. What have you done?"