The Midnight Meat Train

Midnight Meat Train, The (2008)

* (out of 4)

A storm of controversy hit earlier in the year when LionsGate canceled this films planned release into two-thousand theaters when instead they threw it into a bunch of budget movie houses. Many people screamed foul but after seeing this film there's a good reason why they didn't push it harder and there's further proof by them skipping a DVD release in favor of showing it on Fearnet, a free cable channel. A NYC photographer (Bradley Cooper) wants to make a name for himself by capturing the heart of the city but a expert (Brooke Shields) tells him he's no good. The photographer then goes out on some night shoots where he ends up following a serial killer who brutally mutilate people on a subway train. As a lover of horror movies it takes a lot to make me mad and this film had me mad way too many times for me to enjoy it. This is the type of film that depends on dumb characters to do dumb things because if they didn't then there wouldn't be a movie. Logic and horror films don't go together but this one is just so downright stupid that I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Here's a serial killer who butchers people to the point where there isn't an inch of the train that isn't covered in blood yet he doesn't get a drop on him. The police don't seem to care too much about all the missing people. We get a photographer getting in over his head for no apparent reason. We get a killer who spends plenty of time not only killing the people but trying them up like hogs, cutting off various body parts and so on. Isn't he worried about someone spotting him? Plus, since when does NYC not have a single person walking around? Not only are the performances pretty bad but so is the direction and screenplay. The screenplay has so many holes in it you have to wonder if a group of children wrote it. I'm not sure how close this sticks to the Clive Barker story but the ending is just downright horrid as well. It was nice seeing Shields but she's given very little to do and the rest of the cast members just sleepwalk through their roles. Gore hounds will find plenty of it here but the CGI effects are so incredibly bad that you'll be laughing at them.