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"The Simpsons" The Joy of Sect (TV Episode 1998) Poster

(TV Series)

(1998)

Quotes

Showing all 29 items

Homer Simpson: Wait, I'm confused about the movie. So the cops knew that internal affairs were setting them up?

Glen: What are you talking about? There's nothing like that in there!

Homer Simpson: Oh, you see when I get bored I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span.

Jane: But our point is very simple. You see, when...

Homer Simpson: Ooh, a bird!

[runs outside and giggles goofily as he chases it]

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Hans Moleman: [in a "Just Crichton and King bookstore"] Do you have anything by Robert Ludlum?

Store Clerk: Get out.

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Fox TV announcer: You are watching Fox.

Homer SimpsonMarge SimpsonBart SimpsonLisa Simpson: [all in a trance] We are watching Fox.

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[repeated line]

Homer Simpson: Outta my way, jerkass!

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Homer: I've joined the Movementarians, Marge.

Marge: You WHAT?

Homer: I've joined the Movementarians. And so have all of you.

Marge: We WHAT?

Homer: All I had to give them was our life savings, the deed to our house, and a commitment of 10 trillion years of labor.

Marge: I can't go along with this, Homer.

Homer: Marge, when I join an underground cult, I expect a little support from my family.

Lisa: Do you think you might have been brainwashed, Dad?

Homer: I haven't been brainwashed.

[Goes glassy eyed]

Homer: Kill the girl. Kill the girl.

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Jane: A new and better life awaits you on our distant home planet, Blisstonia.

Homer Simpson: [gets given a leaflet] Hmm. Makes Sense.

Jane: We're having a free get-acquainted session at our resort this weekend.

Homer Simpson: How much is this free resort weekend?

Glen: It's free.

Homer Simpson: And when is this weekend?

Glen: It's this weekend.

Homer Simpson: Uh-huh. And how much does it cost?

Glen: Um, it's free.

Homer Simpson: I see. And when is it?

Glen: It's this weekend.

Homer Simpson: And what are you charging for this free weekend?

Bart Simpson: Come on, Dad. The team's arriving.

Homer Simpson: [being dragged away by Bart] It's free, right?

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Reverend Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate.

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Homer: And to think I turned to a cult for mindless happiness when I had beer all along.

Marge: Mmmmm...

Homer: And you, Marge, the bringer of beer.

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Lisa: Watch it, Dad, you're the highly suggestible type.

Homer: Yes, I am the highly suggestible type.

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Mr. Burns: You see me as a God, right, Smithers?

Smithers: Absolutely, sir.

Mr. Burns: You'd kneel before me, wouldn't you?

Smithers: Boy, would I!

Mr. Burns: Yes. Then, uh, I'll form my own religion - with its own symbol. We'll use this special "K"!

[holds up a sketch of the Special K logo]

Smithers: I believe that's already a breakfast cereal, sir.

Mr. Burns: And people worship it?

Smithers: In a way.

Mr. Burns: Alright, then. Uh, how about this?

[holds up a sketch of a Mickey Mouse ear hat]

Smithers: Aaahh... why don't you leave the symbol to me, sir?

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Groundskeeper Willie: [about getting Homer away from the cult] I'll kidnap him for $50, deprogram him for $100 and I'll kill him for $500.

Marge Simpson: No, no, no. Just the first two!

Groundskeeper Willie: All right. I'll throw in the killing for free.

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Mr. Burns: Smithers, why haven't I heard of this "The Leader"? He's as rich and wicked as I, but he seems to enjoy tax-exempt status.

Smithers: Uh, actually, sir, with our creative bookkeeping and corporate loopholes, we only pay $3 a year.

Mr. Burns: [gasps] You're right! We're getting screwed!

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Jane: [about Homer] Why isn't our low-protein gruel wearing down his resistance like all the others?

Glenn: It doesn't wear down your resistance if you eat a whole month's supply! He even ate mine!

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Lenny: [about Mr. Burns] Meh, he's alright, but he's no bowl of Special K!

[holds up a box of Special K cereal and kisses it]

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Homer Simpson: These lima beans are even better than the ones we had for breakfast and lunch! Oh! A lima bean that looks just like the Leader! I'll put it with the others.

[places it on a bench marked "Leader Beans"]

Marge Simpson: Homer, you know I always try to put the best face on everything, but THERE'S NO FACE ON THAT DAMN BEAN!

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Groundskeeper Willie: [to Reverend Lovejoy] Give me that, you noodle-armed choir boy!

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Kent Brockman: Springfield has been overrun by a strange and almost certainly evil sect, calling themselves The Movementarians. In exchange for your home and all your belongings, the Leader of this way out... and wrong religion, the Leader claims he'll take believeres to the planet, Blisstonia. Excuse my editorial laugh.

[laughs]

Kent Brockman: But...

[pauses]

Kent Brockman: Ladies and gentlemen, I just learned of a new change in management. Welcome, Movementarians. I love you, perfect Leader... and new CEO of KBBL Broadcasting.

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Marge Simpson: I've never heard of these Movementarians. Are they some kind of church?

Homer Simpson: Who cares what it is. The point is, these are some decent generous people that I can take advantage of!

Marge Simpson: But what if they try and talk us into something?

Homer Simpson: Marge, Marge, Marge. Remember when those smooth-talking guys tried to sell me a time share vacation condo?

Marge Simpson: You bought four of them! Thank God the check bounced.

Homer Simpson: So I beat the system.

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Jane: [to Homer] Would you rather have beer or complete and utter contemptment?

Homer Simpson: What kind of beer?

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Bart Simpson: Church, cult. Cult, church. So we get bored someplace else every Sunday. Does this really change our day to day lives?

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Lisa Simpson: Dad and all these other people are obviously the product of mental conditioning.

Bart Simpson: Yeah, maybe it'll wear off like his interest in CB radio.

Homer Simpson: That's a negatory, good buddy!

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Glen: Let the judgment begin! I'll get the ball rolling.

Glen: [to Homer] You're a fat idiot.

Barney: Yeah lose some weight!

[whole group voices their agreement]

Homer Simpson: Hell yeah I guess I could lose a few pounds. And I can be kinda thick sometimes! Hehehe.

Principal Skinner: [sternly] You've failed at everything you've ever tried.

Homer Simpson: Whoa, you got my number on that one buddy. This is a smart group!

Moe Szyslak: And your stink brings tears to my eyes!

Homer Simpson: Now wait a minute Moe.

[sniffs own armpit]

Homer Simpson: Oh, my mistake.

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Homer Simpson: I always say a boy can learn at an airport than he can any school.

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Groundskeeper Willie: [Homer, Bart and Lisa are tied up in a dark room with only a small dim light on] Oh, you're gonna break like matchsticks, I promise you that.

Ned Flanders: [coming through the door, turns on the big light] Hey, I made some Rice Krispies Squares for our hungry deprogram-erinos.

Groundskeeper Willie: Oh, man! You ruined the atmosphere, you daft pansy!

Ned Flanders: Well, this is my rumpus room.

Groundskeeper Willie: Don't call it that!

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Hare Krishna Guy: [to Bart and Homer] Have you heard of Krishna Consciousness?

Homer Simpson: This, Bart, is a crazy man!

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Marge Simpson: [to Homer] When we got married, you promised by our harvesting days were over.

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Homer Simpson: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na leader... na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na leader. Leader, leader... batman, I mean - Leader!

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Propaganda movie narrator: When you surrender yourself to the Movementarians, you are guaranteed a perfect life of serenity, love and loving serenity. Not a guarantee.

Moe Szyslak: It's about damn time.

Otto: I love the leader!

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Otto: [after watching the Movementarians' brainwashing] I love the leader.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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