The Simpsons (TV Series)
Team Homer (1996)
Quotes
Moe: Well, I'm better than dirt! Ah, well... most kinds of dirt; not that fancy store-bought dirt; that stuff is loaded with nutrients. I can't compete with that stuff.
[after getting school uniforms]
Bart: These uniforms suck.
Marge: Bart, where did you pick up words like that?
Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked. I've seen teams suck before but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Marge: Homer! Watch your mouth!
Homer: I gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.
Bart, Lisa: We are not wieners!
Homer: Then why are you dressed like that for?
Moe: Man, ya go through life, ya try to be nice to people, ya struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what?
Principal Skinner: The year was 1968. We were on recon in a steaming Mekong delta. An overheated private removed his flack jacket, revealing a T-shirt with an ironed-on sporting the MAD slogan "Up with Mini-skirts!". Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite understand it. But our momentary lapse of concentration allowed "Charlie" to get the drop on us. I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right!
Milhouse Van Houten: [Reading a MAD Magazine with Bart] They're really stickin' it to that Spiro Angew guy! He must work there or something!
Moe: Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Superintendent Chalmers: Skinner, why are there children walking on my head?
Marge: Those magazines create a dangerous amount of laughter.
Hans Moleman: [to Mr. Burns on ether] Uh, excuse me. I'd like to request seventeen dollars for a push broom rebristling.
Montgomery Burns: [hallucinating] Why, it's that delightful TV leprechaun! I'm going to get your Lucky Charms!
[takes out a drill and aims it at Hans' head]
Hans Moleman: Oh no! My brains!
Apu: The fact that I cannot bowl wreaks havoc with my self-esteem too, hey, but who am I to complain?
Marge: [Reading] Due to the unscheduled trip to the autowrecking yard the school bus will be out of commission for two weeks. Note by reading this letter out loud you have waived any responsibility on our part in perpituity throughout the known universe?
[Groaning]
Moe: They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants.
