- Tom Servo: [eating] Mmm, you know that pie was delicious. Did you bake it yourself?
- Joel Robinson: Oh no, it's just a recipe my grandmother stole from the bakery.
- Joel Robinson: [Crow slurps down coffee] Hey, you want some more?
- Crow T. Robot: Only half a gallon.
- Joel Robinson: What are you so smug about? You look like a man who's just inherited Texas.
- Tom Servo: Well, it may not be too far off. You know, this coffee tastes like it came out of an oil derrick. What did you strain it through, a mummy?
- Crow T. Robot: Yeah. The coffee tastes like mud. Roger Mudd.
- Tom Servo: Oh, the coffee wasn't half as bad as the dinner.
- Joel Robinson: Well, I always burn it when you come home drunk.
- Crow T. Robot: So you burn it every night?
- Joel Robinson: Don't bring that up again.
- Crow T. Robot: I have to bring it up: if I hold it in, I'll die.
- Tom Servo: Dye. That's what this coffee tastes like. Dye!
- Joel Robinson: Did you two get enough? You hardly touched your steak.
- Crow T. Robot: I didn't want to touch it, it scared me.
- Tom Servo: Yeah, talking about steaks being tough, I thought they retired mail order studs.
- Joel Robinson: Well, what would you know about being a stud?
- Crow T. Robot: The meat was better if you put that fuzzy gravy on it.
- Tom Servo: [disgusted] Oh, was that gravy?I thought the dog had been sick.
- Crow T. Robot: I've never seen spam served so many ways, especially in a jello.
- Tom Servo: [coughs] You know, halfway through the dinner, my fillet got up and beat the hell out of my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself.
- Joel Robinson: Oh well, it looks like you enjoyed the marinade or were you just being a pig?
- Crow T. Robot: Hey, the only thing around here that's marinated is Tom.
- Tom Servo: Oh that's great. Why don't you just skip the dinner and go straight to passing out on the table?
- Joel Robinson: OK, keep it down, you two.
- Crow T. Robot: [grossed out] I don't think I can keep anything down if I have to keep looking at that dessert.
- Tom Servo: Oh, you know, forget about the pie and just read the recipe.