The Simpsons (TV Series)
Homer Loves Flanders (1994)
Quotes
Homer: God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game.
[doorbell rings]
Ned Flanders: Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tick...
Homer: [slams the door, looks heavenward] Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.
[Marge scrapes it off the ceiling into Homer's hands]
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but...
[bites]
Homer: Mmm, sacrilicious.
Maude Flanders: [Fleeing in their car as Homer chases them down the street] Come on, Ned. Move this thing.
Ned Flanders: [Yelling in frustration] I can't! It's a Geo!
Moe Syszlak: [after Ned recognizes Moe from his charity reading to sick kids] If this gets out, the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt!
Homer: Neddy, Neddy! Let's get in a quick nine down at the Pitch 'N' Putt.
Homer Simpson: Don't worry, I brought my Rappin' Ronnie Reagan tape. It always makes the trip go faster.
[pops the tape in]
Ronald Reagan: [in a Reagan-like voice] Well, well, well, w-w-w-well,well, well...
Homer Simpson: [chuckles] You know something? He *did* say "well" a lot.
Homer: [singing] Nacho nacho man, I want to be a nacho man.
[Bart pulls two tickets out of his pockets]
Bart Simpson: Hey dad, sell you these for fifty bucks!
Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo! Sold!
[without a second thought, pulls out fifty dollars, hands it to Bart and takes his tickets. Bart happily runs out of the house]
Marge Simpson: Those aren't tickets to the game, Homer.
Homer Simpson: What do you mean? It says right here: "Free wig with every purchase of large wig. Downtown Wig Center."
[realizing he's been had]
Homer Simpson: Why, you little... !
[ponders]
Homer Simpson: Hmm, "free wig."
[imagines putting on Marge-type wig and humming]
Homer Simpson: [in Marge voice] I love you, Homie. Hmm.
[in normal voice]
Homer Simpson: Heh heh heh. I don't need her at all anymore.
Lenny: [Homer and Flanders are entering the football stadium parking lot. Not wanting to be seen with Flanders, Homer pushes him down in his seat, making it look like the car is driving itself] Hey look, Homer's got one of those robot cars
[seconds later, Flanders crashes]
Carl: One of those *American* robot cars
Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game Sunday morning.
TV Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.
Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning.
Homer: If everyone here were more like Ned Flanders, there'd be no need for Heaven, we would already be there.
Homer: I'd like to propose a toast to the coming together of the Simpsons and the Flanders. If this were a more perfect world, we'd all be known as the Flimpsons.
Kent Brockman: Just miles from your doorstep, hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill. The government calls it the Army, but a more alarmist name would be... The Killbot Factory.
