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"The Simpsons" Dog of Death (TV Episode 1992) Poster

(TV Series)

(1992)

Quotes

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Smithers: I, ah, I hate to interrupt your longevity treatment, sir, but there's a sweet little boy at the door.

Mr. Burns: [muffled, from behind the glass] Release the hounds.

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Homer: Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.

Marge: What's that?

Homer: A dinosaur.

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Chief Wiggum: [watching lottery drawing, phone rings] Ah, no you got the wrong number, this is 912.

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[after Santa's Little Helper disappears]

Homer: That was his dish, and that was his leash, and that's where he took a whiz on the rug!

[cries]

Marge: Homer, get a-hold of yourself! Even if he has passed on there's no reason to cry. Remember, Doggy Heaven.

Homer: Oh, Marge! There is no such place!

[Marge clears throat]

Homer: Or to put it another way... there... is.

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[Santa's Little Helper is missing - Lisa wants to make a poster]

Lisa: Don't we have any pictures of Santa's Little Helper?

Marge: None that I would want the public to see.

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Bart: We're just gonna let him die?

Marge: I know you're upset...

Bart: Darn right I'm upset!

Marge: Bart, watch your language! Oh... you did.

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Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.

Mr. Burns: Nonsense! Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?

Smithers: Um, if you did it, sir?

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[Mr. Burns sees one of his hounds limping and wheezing]

Mr. Burns: What's wrong with Crippler?

Smithers: Oh, he's getting on, sir. He's been here since the late-'60s.

Mr. Burns: Ah, yes. I'll never forget the day he bagged his first hippie. That young man didn't think it was too "groovy".

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Mr. Burns: Now, as an attack dog you'll be expected to neutralize intruders.

Smithers: Wanna buy some cookies? Wanna buy some cookies?

[Santa's Little Helper starts licking Smithers' face]

Mr. Burns: Oh, if that were a real Girl Scout, I'd have been bothered by now.

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Ned Flanders: So, recycling is our way of giving Mother Earth a great big hug!

Mr. Burns: Yes, well, it does sound like fun. I can't wait to start pawing through my garbage like some starving raccoon!

[to Smithers]

Mr. Burns: Release the hounds.

[to Flanders]

Mr. Burns: Well, neighbor, I see you've got your running shoes on. That's a good thing.

Ned Flanders: Aaahhhh!

[he sees the hounds coming and runs away]

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[Homer is reading a book called "Canine Surgery."]

Marge: No!

Homer: What?

Marge: You are not going to perform that operation yourself!

Homer: But, Marge, it looks so easy! Like carving a turkey...

[flashes back to last Thanksgiving, him wielding the electric carver]

Homer: ... Maybe you're right.

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Grampa: [Santa's Little Helper is lying on the floor in the kitchen] The dog's dead.

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Mr. Burns: I'm looking for something in an attack dog, one who likes the sweet, gamey tang of human flesh. Hmm, why here's the fellow. Wiry, fast, firm proud buttocks... reminds me of me.

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