Elliot: Can't we just go home, put on our pj's and watch "Grey's Anatomy?"
J.D.: I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and just put them on TV.
Carla: I just took a pregnancy test, just tell me when a minute's up.
Turk: I just put some pizza rolls on the microwave oven; the minute that bad boy rings we're good to go.
Carla: Oh, my god, I can't stand it, 30 more seconds.
Turk: OK baby, don't get too excited, they have to cool off for at least a minute.
Elliot: Dr Cox, I've got a patient with osteomyelitis who needs a bone biopsy. Who do you use?
Dr. Perry Cox: You've put me in an awkward spot because I'm a healer and I want to help, but speaking to you would acknowledge your existence, and you don't exist. So I'm going to address the stapler.
[he leans over a red stapler on the counter]
Dr. Perry Cox: Hi stapler. The red is killer... By the way, there's a Dr Brownsfield who is just the most wonderful bone guy... What?... What's that, stapler?... Oh, no, she... she's an actual doctor, ah ah...
Elliot: Neither of you are very funny!
J.D.: No. No more. Here are some of the lies you've told us over the last five years: You went to Harvard. You have a wife who only has a pointer and thumb-pinky. You have a - a brother-dad, a mother-sister. You have two kids, no wait, you have one kid, no wait, you had a baby with a Chinese local, you're a deaf-mute, oh wait, now you're telling us that you're a world class hurdler and you slept with the beautiful and irreplaceable Amy Carter?
Janitor: I - I didn't sleep with Amy Carter. We did everything but.
Janitor: And I really was a world-class hurdler.
J.D.: We're not buying it, are we gang?
[Everyone scoffs and leaves]
J.D.: The people have spoken. Allow me to bask in the glow.
Turk: [Turk enters, excited] Oh-ho! J.D., guess what?
J.D.: Not now, Turk, I'm glow-basking.
Turk: Where is Carla?
Dr. Perry Cox: She just went downstairs. What is all the excitement?
J.D.: [to Turk] You tell him. Aw, just wait a mi - OK, you tell him.
Turk: We're having a baby.
Dr. Perry Cox: Red states be damned, I'm sure you're going to make great fathers.