Adam Sandler: Chuck Levine
Photos
Quotes
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Alex McDonough : You know, Larry's heavyset. Is that the kind of guy you've always been attracted to?
Chuck Levine : Ah no, he's my first fattie.
Alex McDonough : You guys really seem like you have a lot of sexual chemistry.
Chuck Levine : I float his boat and he sinks mine.
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Larry Valentine : You know what, I cannot deal with sleeping next to your stupid ugly face tonight, so don't bother coming in the bedroom.
Chuck Levine : Oh, wouldn't dream of it, honey!
Larry Valentine : You are a lousy best friend, and a shitty husband!
Chuck Levine : Hey! For the record, every time I laughed at one of your jokes, I was faking it.
Larry Valentine : You're a monster!
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Larry Valentine : Domestic partnership.
Chuck Levine : Domestic partnership? You mean like faggots?
Larry Valentine : No, I mean yeah but, no, not us. Obviously. Just on paper.
Chuck Levine : Paper faggots?
Larry Valentine : Well, the accepted vernacular is "gay"... but yes.
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Chuck Levine : Going in alive.
Larry Valentine : Coming out the same way.
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Chuck Levine : [In court, both leaning together to kiss, cringing] Going in straight.
Larry Valentine : Coming out... gay?
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Asian Minister : Civil or religious?
Chuck Levine : Religious. I'm Jewish, I don't wanna piss my mother off.
Larry Valentine : I'm Catholic, I don't wanna piss Mel Gibson off.
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Chuck Levine : What do you got?
Larry Valentine : Maxi Pads.
Chuck Levine : What, do we have vaginas now? Put it back!
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Chuck Levine : I'm not an animal! I'm a whore! You don't want to marry the town whore. Believe me, you're better than that.
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Larry Valentine : Chuck. What's going on, man?
Chuck Levine : Brace yourself, Larry. What I'm gonna tell you is pretty rough. They removed your entire body. You're nothing but a head now.
Larry Valentine : What?
Chuck Levine : They said that there was enough fat in your head to rebuild you a new body, so they got scientists in the other room working on it. God willing, you're gonna be alright.
Larry Valentine : Oh, you know, you're such a dick.
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Chuck Levine : Gay guys know how to dance good. It's like the law or some shit.
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[as Larry leans in to kiss him at their wedding, Chuck smacks him hard across the face]
Chuck Levine : [to Asian Minister] That's how we roll in our house, baby.
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Larry Valentine : [while Chuck and Larry are being interviewed separately] The worst day we ever had on the job?
Chuck Levine : This little kid fell in a swimming pool...
Larry Valentine : Chuck was the first one there...
Chuck Levine : I dove in...
Larry Valentine : He pulled him out...
Chuck Levine : I worked on him...
Larry Valentine : worked on him, worked on him, but...
Chuck Levine : Larry stayed with me all that night. I just couldn't get... couldn't get that kid outta my head.
Larry Valentine : When my wife died.
Chuck Levine : Ah, that was the worst.
Larry Valentine : I collapsed.
Chuck Levine : He knew it was coming but...
Larry Valentine : What we have is beyond friendship.
Chuck Levine : He's the best man I know.
Larry Valentine : I'd do anything for him.
Chuck Levine : I love him.
Larry Valentine : I love him.
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Larry Valentine : Chuck, we really pulled this one out our asses.
Chuck Levine : Bad choice of words there, Larry. Bad choice of words.
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Chuck Levine : The only thing I'm doing with my eyes is putting a bag over your head, you toothless moron!
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Chuck Levine : Let's go junior high on them.
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Chuck Levine : Oh my God, it's homo-palooza!
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[as Larry introduces himself to Kevin]
Larry Valentine : Larry - Chuck's better half.
Chuck Levine : Two-thirds, actually.
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Chuck Levine : [after slapping Larry in the face at the alter]
Asian Minister : Do you do me...?
Chuck Levine : Oh you couldn't handle it little man.
Asian Minister : Hai.
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Larry Valentine : [Breaking into Bernie's room to rescue him] Holy Shamo!
Bernie : I'm sorry I can't get out of bed.
Chuck Levine : There's a bed under there?
Larry Valentine : Can you walk at all?
Bernie : I haven't walked in five years!
Chuck Levine : Alright, maybe we strap a rocketship on this guy we'll get him outta here.
Larry Valentine : No, no, we can do this, People lift cars, it's adrenaline, you know.
Chuck Levine : Cars? This guy is more like a freaking minivan.
Larry Valentine : Hey, buddy we're gonna help you outta here, come on.
Bernie : How's my mom?
Chuck Levine : [referring to Bernie's obesity] If she survived the birthing process, nothing's gonna take her down.
Chuck Levine : Let me chop him off, we'll take him down in pieces.
Bernie : What?
Chuck Levine : I'm kidding.
Larry Valentine : Just grab the back of our coats.
Chuck Levine : Hey, did you start this fire by lighting one of your farts?
Bernie : [chuckles] That's funny.
Bernie : I'm running momma, I'm running like the wind.
[They roll down the stairs and Bernie lands his butt on top of Chuck's face]
Larry Valentine : Chuck, you alright?
[Chuck gives Larry a thumbs up but Bernie farts and he pulls his thumb down]
Larry Valentine : [laughs] Oh my god, oh sweet Lord, broccoli!
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Chuck Levine : [while moving his stuff in with Larry, to Teresa] Hey, Big Ragu! I smell your feet from here. I like it.
Teresa : [to herself] Oh... He thinks my feet stink.
Teresa : [sniffs her own armpit] Now that's a stink.
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Larry Valentine : Look, this is the only way I can keep doing what I do and make sure my kids are protected.
Chuck Levine : Larry, look at us, we're not gay! But if we were gay, don't you think I'd be with someone a little hotter-looking than you? I'm Mr February, for God's sake. It would be like the Prom King fooling around with a tuba player.
Larry Valentine : Oh great, I play tuba.
Chuck Levine : Larry, I love you, but I'm not in love with you, if that makes any sense. I still want to be friends.
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Eric Valentine : [Shows Chuck a porn magazine] Uncle Chuck, you left this in the kitchen.
Larry Valentine : Hey, don't you look at that!
Chuck Levine : Actually, you know what, give me that, maybe he should look at it
Larry Valentine : Stop it, Chuck.
Chuck Levine : It's an experiment, seriously. Eric, see how this makes you feel. Open it up.
[Eric opens the magazine, screams, drops it and runs away]
Chuck Levine : Alright, that didn't go well.
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Chuck Levine : Oh yeah. There's my lawyer.
Chuck Levine : [walks over to who he thinks is Alex]
Chuck Levine : Look at that perfection. I want to suck your blood.
[laughs]
Transvestite Groupie : Suck my what?
Chuck Levine : [Realizes he has mistaken the Transvestite Groupie for Alex]
Chuck Levine : Nothing.
Transvestite Groupie : No, it's cool. You want to suck something.
Chuck Levine : I uh... I was talking to somebody else.
Transvestite Groupie : Hey. Don't go bitch. Don't be a tease. You whore!
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Chuck Levine : Oh yeah. There's my lawyer.
[Chuck walks over to who he thinks is Alex]
Chuck Levine : Look at that perfection. I want to suck your blood.
[laughs]
Transvestite Groupie : Suck my what?
Chuck Levine : Nothing.
Transvestite Groupie : No, it's cool. You want to suck something.
Chuck Levine : I uh... I was talking to somebody else.
[Chuck starts to walk away]
Transvestite Groupie : Hey. Don't go bitch. Don't be a tease. You whore!
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Chuck Levine : Oh yeah. There's my lawyer.
Chuck Levine : [Chuck walks over to who he thinks is Alex]
Chuck Levine : Look at that perfection. I want to suck your blood.
[laughs]
Transvestite Groupie : Suck my what?
Chuck Levine : [Chuck realizes it's not Alex]
Chuck Levine : Nothing
Transvestite Groupie : No, it's cool. You want to suck something.
Chuck Levine : I uh... I was talking to somebody else.
Chuck Levine : [Chuck walks away from the Transvestite Groupie]
Transvestite Groupie : Hey. Don't go bitch. Don't be a tease. You whore!
