God Entity: When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
God Entity: Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch, like a safecracker or a pickpocket.
Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money.
God Entity: Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
Bender: So do you know I'm going to do something before I do it?
God Entity: Yes.
Bender: What if I do something else?
God Entity: Then I don't know that.
Leela: Fry, if I die, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap!
Malachi: My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded.
Bender: Of course they go unheeded! How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?
Philip J. Fry: Bender, you're alive!
Leela: This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.
Bender: Guys, you'll never believe what happened! First I was God, then I met God!
Philip J. Fry: We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks.
Leela: Oh, no, the monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room.
Philip J. Fry: Do we have to? They're monks, after all. I'm sure their God will let them out, or at least give them more shoes to eat.
Bender: Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so Himself. Now, come on. If we don't free those monks, no one will.
Bender: O' cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones - it bones for thee.
Bender: That galaxy is signaling in binary. I should signal back, but I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. You speak English?
God Entity: I do now.
[Prof. Farnsworth is searching for Bender with his Smelloscope]
Leela: Anything yet, professor?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I'm afraid the Smelloscope can't locate Bender. His fragrance is too mild. It's being overwhelmed by local sources.
[Everyone looks at Zoidberg]
Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray! People are paying attention to me.
Monk #2: [from laundry room] Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored!
Leela: [after accidentally firing Bender from a torpedo tube] That isn't Torpedo Three! That isn't Torpedo Three at all!
Space Pirate: Too late do I realize that me children are me only real treasures.
Malachi: Behold, the One Commandment!
[Lifts up a tablet reading "God Needs Booze"]
Bender: Make it a double!
Philip J. Fry: Looking for God. That's important, yeah. But you know what might be a treat for everyone? If you let me use the telescope to look for my friend Bender.
Monk #1: I don't know what to say, other than... absolutely not! Sure, your loss is a tragedy, but our work...
Philip J. Fry: Come on, you guys have forever to find God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend.
Monk #2: Master, he speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart is God.
Monk #1: Oh, how convenient! A way of looking for God that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work!
Malachi's Wife: Malachi Jr., what are you doing?
Malachi, Jr.: I'm practicing hugging dad when he comes back from God.
Bender: Ugh! Gageth me with a spoon.
Philip J. Fry: So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do?
Father Changstein el Gamahl: Well, we could join together in prayer.
Philip J. Fry: Uh-huh, but is there anything useful we can do?
[as Malachi's village is being bombarded]
Malachi: Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon.
Bender: You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me!
Malachi: We will solve our own problems, as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers.
Bender: Convert them?
Malachi: To radioactive vapor!
Philip J. Fry: You can't lose hope when it's hopeless. You gotta hope more, then put your fingers in your ears and go, "Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!... "