God Entity: When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
God Entity: Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch, like a safecracker or a pickpocket.
Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money.
God Entity: Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
Bender: So do you know I'm going to do something before I do it?
God Entity: Yes.
Bender: What if I do something else?
God Entity: Then I don't know that.
Leela: Fry, if I die, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap!
Malachi: My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded.
Bender: Of course they go unheeded! How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?
Philip J. Fry: Bender, you're alive!
Leela: This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.
Bender: Guys, you'll never believe what happened! First I was God, then I met God!
Philip J. Fry: We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks.
Leela: Oh, no, the monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room.
Philip J. Fry: Do we have to? They're monks, after all. I'm sure their God will let them out, or at least give them more shoes to eat.
Bender: Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so Himself. Now, come on. If we don't free those monks, no one will.
Philip J. Fry: You can't lose hope when it's hopeless. You gotta hope more, then put your fingers in your ears and go, "Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!... "
Monk #2: [from laundry room] Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored!
Bender: O' cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones - it bones for thee.
Bender: That galaxy is signaling in binary. I should signal back, but I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. You speak English?
God Entity: I do now.
[Prof. Farnsworth is searching for Bender with his Smelloscope]
Leela: Anything yet, professor?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I'm afraid the Smelloscope can't locate Bender. His fragrance is too mild. It's being overwhelmed by local sources.
[Everyone looks at Zoidberg]
Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray! People are paying attention to me.
Leela: [after accidentally firing Bender from a torpedo tube] That isn't Torpedo Three! That isn't Torpedo Three at all!
Space Pirate: Too late do I realize that me children are me only real treasures.
Malachi: Behold, the One Commandment!
[Lifts up a tablet reading "God Needs Booze"]
Bender: Make it a double!
Philip J. Fry: Looking for God. That's important, yeah. But you know what might be a treat for everyone? If you let me use the telescope to look for my friend Bender.
Monk #1: I don't know what to say, other than... absolutely not! Sure, your loss is a tragedy, but our work...
Philip J. Fry: Come on, you guys have forever to find God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend.
Monk #2: Master, he speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart is God.
Monk #1: Oh, how convenient! A way of looking for God that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work!
Malachi's Wife: Malachi Jr., what are you doing?
Malachi, Jr.: I'm practicing hugging dad when he comes back from God.
Bender: Ugh! Gageth me with a spoon.
Philip J. Fry: So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do?
Father Changstein el Gamahl: Well, we could join together in prayer.
Philip J. Fry: Uh-huh, but is there anything useful we can do?
[as Malachi's village is being bombarded]
Malachi: Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon.
Bender: You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me!
Malachi: We will solve our own problems, as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers.
Bender: Convert them?
Malachi: To radioactive vapor!