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"The Young Ones" Bomb (TV Episode 1982) Poster

(TV Series)

(1982)

Quotes

Neil: I won't say anything because no one ever listens to me anyway. I might as well be a Leonard Cohen record.

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Mike: Neil, aren't you going to introduce me to your new friend?

Right Bleeding Bastard: Bastard's the name. But you can call me Right Bleeding, all my friends do- or well, *did*.

Mike: Why, what happened?

Right Bleeding Bastard: I killed him.

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Right Bleeding Bastard: Right, where's this telly. Ah-hah! So you do have it! You little runt! The old trick, eh? Eat the telly before I get a chance to nick you!

Vyvyan Basterd: It's a toaster.

Right Bleeding Bastard: It's a telly you yobbo. Give it back I want to Nick ya!

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Rick: Absolutely pathetic! There's nothing on at all! Humph! Don't know why we bother to pay our license!

Mike TheCoolPerson: We don't.

Rick: But, haven't we got a license?

Mike TheCoolPerson: No.

Rick: But that makes me a criminal! Right on! Yeah, this will shake them up at the Anarchists Society! Occupying the refectories! So what? This is the real stuff! I'm a fugitive! A desperado! I'm going to form a new union society, right? With me a president! 'People Who Don't Pay Their TV Licenses Against the Nazis!' This is only the beginning!

Vyvyan Basterd: What are you going to do, Rick? Burn your bra?

Rick: Well, someone's got to do it, Vyvyan. It's very easy to sit on your backside, isn't it?

Vyvyan Basterd: Not if you haven't got a bottom!

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Mike TheCoolPerson: Twenty-seven minutes and thirty-two seconds in the bathroom and Mike looks fantastic. Unlike the kitchen! Neil, what's this mess?

Neil Pye: Well, it's mostly lentils, but there's some crockery mixed in.

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Neil: [talking to a spade] You're a spade.

[pauses]

Neil: I always call him that.

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Rick: [dramatically reciting poetry into the mirror] Pollution! All around! Sometimes... up

[raises his eyes]

Rick: , sometimes... down

[lowers eyes]

Rick: , but always... around

[swivels eyes]

Rick: . Pollution, are you coming to my town? Or am I coming to yours! Hah! We're on different buses, Pollution. But we're both using petrol. BOMBS!

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Right Bleeding Bastard: Where's your licence?

Mike: As the eunuch said to Mussolini, 'I haven't got one, and if I did, I wouldn't show it to you!'

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Rick: Gotcha, Vyvyan! Using my ketchup on your corn flakes!

Vyvyan: Well I couldn't get any milk out of the fridge!

Rick: Why, what are you, a spazzy?

Vyvyan: No, there just happens to be an atom bomb in front of the door!

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Neil: [after all the lentils spill out of the cupboard] We'll have to have corn flakes.

Vyvyan: Corn flakes for breakfast? That's disgusting, Neil!

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Neil: [after kettle blows up] It's as if the kettle's killed itself rather than be used by me.

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Right Bleeding Bastard: Where's your toilet?

Neil: Upstairs, just follow your nose.

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Vyvyan: [about the person at the door] It's probably someone unbelievably boring.

Neil: [Upon discovering who's at the door] Oh no! It's the TV detector man!

Rick: MIKE, YOU BASTARD! Why didn't you buy a license? I can't go to prison, I'm too pretty, I'll get raped!

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Neil: If I had a penny for every time I had to answer the door, I'd have £5.63

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Vyvyan: Good morning, Neil. Tea ready yet, is it?

Neil: Shh! The kettle's had a breakdown.

Vyvyan: Oh, no! That means we'll have to have raw tea again!

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Rick: I notice you haven't written the call down in the book, Mike. That's very interesting, isn't it? I mean, we've got this book here to write down all the calls we make in. I suppose you forgot, did you? Well, I wonder how many other times you conveniently forgot?

Mike: Rick, what are you talking about? This is a pay phone.

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Mike: Look, suicide might be a great hobby, but I wouldn't do it for a living.

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Mike: Rick, a social conscience is like a garden shed: you try and eat it, it'll stick in your throat.

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Rick: [gazing in horror at a skin mag Mike has handed him] You're sick, Mike!

Mike: If people weren't sick, we wouldn't need penicillin.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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