[there has arisen the possibility of James Hacker becoming Prime Minister]
Sir Humphrey Appleby: How would you feel about your present master as the next Prime Minister?
[Bernard looks at his watch]
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Are you in a hurry?
Bernard Woolley: No, I was just checking my watch to see it wasn't April 1st!
[the Home Secretary has been forced to resign after a drink-driving incident]
James Hacker: What will happen to him?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, I gather he was as drunk as a lord. So, after a discreet interval, they'll probably make him one.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: How are things at the Campaign for the Freedom of Information, by the way?
Sir Arnold Robinson: Sorry, I can't talk about that.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: I think they refer to it as "horizontal jogging".
Annie Hacker: [Bernard is waiting at the Hackers' flat for the Minister to come home] He's obviously been held up. You can stamp some of these cards for me while you're waiting if you like.
Bernard Woolley: Oh, but aren't they to constituents?
Annie Hacker: Yes.
Bernard Woolley: Well, that's not government business, Mrs Hacker, that's political activity. I'm not allowed to help with the Minister's political activities.
Annie Hacker: Suppose they were all to journalists?
Bernard Woolley: Oh, that would be alright.
Annie Hacker: They're all to journalists.
Bernard Woolley: Fine. I suppose licking is an essential part of relationships with the press.
Bernard Woolley: So the resignation is to give time for the new leader to be run in before the next election?
Annie Hacker: Now the Home Secretary's been run in already!
[They both laugh]
Bernard Woolley: [Discussing possible reasons for the Prime Minister's early retirement] Minister, I've heard something quite different.
James Hacker: What?
Bernard Woolley: That there is £1 million worth of diamonds from South Africa in a Downing Street safe, but of course it's only a rumour.
James Hacker: Is that true?
Bernard Woolley: Oh, yes.
James Hacker: So, there ARE all those diamonds in Downing Street!
Bernard Woolley: Are there?
James Hacker: You just said there were.
Bernard Woolley: No, I didn't.
James Hacker: Yes, you did! You said you'd heard this rumour, I said is it true, you said yes!
Bernard Woolley: I said yes, it was true that it was a rumour.
James Hacker: You said you heard it was true!
Bernard Woolley: No, I said it was true that I heard it!
Annie Hacker: I'm sorry to cut into this important discussion, but do you believe it?
James Hacker: I believe I heard it. Oh, about the diamonds. No.
Annie Hacker: Is it impossible?
James Hacker: No, but it's never been officially denied. First rule in politics: never believe anything until it's officially denied.