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"The X-Files" War of the Coprophages (TV Episode 1996) Poster

(TV Series)

(1996)

Quotes

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Fox Mulder: Bambi also has a theory I've come to acro...

Dana Scully: Who?

Fox Mulder: Dr. Berenbaum. Anyway her theory is...

Dana Scully: Her name is Bambi?

Fox Mulder: Yeah. Both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFOs are actually nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical air fields.

Dana Scully: Her name is Bambi?

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Mulder: I think you'd better get up here.

Scully: What happened?

Mulder: It appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people.

Scully: I'm not going to ask you if you just said what I think you just said, because I know it's what you just said.

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Dana Scully: Let me guess... Bambi.

Dr. Bambi Berenbaum: Fox told me to wait out here while he checked inside first.

[Scully mouths "Fox" snobbily]

Dr. Bambi Berenbaum: Can I come along with you?

Dana Scully: [nonchalantly reloading her pistol] No. This is no place for an entomologist.

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Dana Scully: Smart is sexy.

[Mulder gives her a look]

Dana Scully: Look at it this way, Mulder, by the time there's another invasion of artificially intelligent, dung-eating, robotic probes from outer space, maybe their über-children will have devised a way to save our planet.

Fox Mulder: You know, I never thought I'd say this to you, Scully, but you smell bad.

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Mulder: Scully, can I confess something to you?

Scully: Yeah, sure, okay.

Mulder: I hate insects.

Scully: You know, lots of people are afraid of insects, Mulder. It's just a... it's natural, instinctive.

Mulder: No, no, I'm not afraid of them. I *hate* them. One day back when I was a kid, I, uh... I was climbing this tree when I noticed this leaf walking towards me. It took forever for me to realize that it was no leaf.

Scully: A praying mantis?

Mulder: Yeah, I had a praying mantis epiphany, and as a result I screamed. No, not... not a girly scream, but the scream of someone being confronted by some before unknown monster that had no right existing on the same planet I inhabited.

Scully: Mulder... are you sure it wasn't a girly scream?

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Mulder: The development of our cerebral cortex has been the greatest achievement of the evolutionary processes. Big deal. While allowing us the thrills of intellect or the pangs of self-consciousness, it is all too often overruled by our inner, instinctive brain - the one that tells us to react, not reflect, to run, rather than ruminate. Maybe we have gone as far as we can go and the next advance, whatever that may be - will be made by beings we create ourselves, using our own technology. Life forms we can design and program not to be ultimately governed and constricted by the rules of survival. Or perhaps that step forward had already been achieved on another planet by organisms that had a billion years head start on us. If these beings ever visited us, would we recognize what we were seeing? And upon catching sight of us, would they react in anything but horror at seeing such mindless, primitive, hideous creatures?

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Dr. Bambi Berenbaum: Everything about insects is fascinating. They are truly remarkable creatures. So beautiful, and so honest.

Mulder: Honest?

Dr. Bambi Berenbaum: Eat, sleep... defecate, procreate. That's all they do. That's all we do, but at least insects don't kid themselves that it's anything more than that.

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Scully: I'm not going to ask if you just said what I think you just said, because I know it's what you said.

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Dr. Bambi Berenbaum: Oh my god.

Mulder: Is it abnormal?

Dr. Bambi Berenbaum: I'll say. He's hung like a club-tail dragonfly.

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Dr. Jeff Eckerle: How do I know you're not a cockroach?

Mulder: I assure you I'm as human as you are, if not more so.

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Stoner: This stuff takes your mind and just sort of, you know... expands it.

Redheaded Chick: Well, something tells me it's more than my mind you guys are interested in expanding.

Stoner: Well, how about another beer then?

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[a factory full of animal feces explodes, drenching Mulder and Scully in manure]

Fox Mulder: ...Crap.

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Fox Mulder: Cockroaches! They're everywhere!

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