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"The West Wing" Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics (TV Episode 2000) Poster

Quotes

President Josiah Bartlet: We agree on nothing, Max.

Senator Lobell: Yes, sir.

President Josiah Bartlet: Education, guns, drugs, school prayer, gays, defense spending, taxes - you name it, we disagree.

Senator Lobell: You know why?

President Josiah Bartlet: Because I'm a lily-livered, bleeding-heart, liberal, egghead communist.

Senator Lobell: Yes, sir. And I'm a gun-toting, redneck son-of-a-bitch.

President Josiah Bartlet: Yes, you are.

Senator Lobell: We agree on that.

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Ambassador Ken Cochran: I think it would be appropriate at this time, Mr. President, to make a confession.

President Josiah Bartlet: What's that?

Ambassador Ken Cochran: I never voted for you.

President Josiah Bartlet: Well, thanks for trying, but here I am, anyway. Gotta go.

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Josh Lyman: My watch says ten to seven.

Donna Moss: That's cause your watch sucks.

Josh Lyman: My watch is fine.

Donna Moss: Your watch says ten to seven.

Josh Lyman: How do we know it isn't ten to seven?

Donna Moss: Cause those large clocks on the wall that are run by the US Navy say your watch sucks. In fact they say your watch sucks in four different time zones.

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President Josiah Bartlet: Toby, are you in here sticking up for Sam?

Toby Ziegler: I know it's strange, sir. But I'm feeling a... a certain... big brotherly connection right now. You know, obviously, I'd like that feeling to go away as soon as possible, but for the moment I think there's no danger in the White House standing by Sam and aggressively going after the people who set him up.

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Ambassador Ken Cochran: I'm sorry to do this, but I'd like to speak to your supervisor.

Charlie Young: Well, I'm personal aide to the President, so my supervisor's a little busy right now looking for a back door to this place to shove you out of. But I'll let him know you'd like to lodge a complaint.

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Josh Lyman: C.J. started the briefing already?

Donna Moss: A half-hour ago.

Josh Lyman: The briefing's not supposed to start till 11:00.

Donna Moss: Guess what?

Josh Lyman: My watch sucks?

Donna Moss: Yes, indeed.

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Donna Moss: A guy takes his assistant on a quick trip to Maui. It's not, like, unheard of.

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President Josiah Bartlet: Let me just tell you that I need a favor.

Ted Mitchell: Oh, of course, sir.

President Josiah Bartlet: I need you to hire a guy.

Ted Mitchell: Who, sir?

President Josiah Bartlet: The former ambassador to Bulgaria.

Ted Mitchell: Who is that, sir?

President Josiah Bartlet: Ken Cochran.

Ted Mitchell: Well, isn't Ken Cochran the current ambassador to Bulgaria?

President Josiah Bartlet: Not for long. Look, he's a good man, a smart man. I think he'd make a very good corporate officer.

Ted Mitchell: Why is he being fired, sir?

President Josiah Bartlet: Gross incompetence. I'll be right back.

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Josh Lyman: When I get back, you're gonna argue with me and we're gonna argue about the things I wanna argue about and you're gonna do your best not to annoy me too much.

Joey Lucas: It's almost hard to believe you're not married.

Josh Lyman: Oh ho! Many have tried.

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Toby Ziegler: Since when are you an expert on language?

Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: In polling models?

Toby Ziegler: Okay.

Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: 1993. Since when are you an uptight pain in the ass?

Toby Ziegler: Since long before that.

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Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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