- [Canadian National Anthem is playing with two Canadian flags raised in front of the party]
- President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: [yells] What the hell is going on?
- Abbey Bartlet: Shh.
- President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: I was gone for 45 minutes. They were all Americans when I left.
- Donna Moss: I know exactly how you feel, Mr. President.
- Abbey Bartlet: Where have you been all night?
- Donna Moss: Well, it's a little tough to explain, ma'am.
- Abbey Bartlet: Tougher to explain than secretly prescribing Betaseron?
- Donna Moss: It turns out I'm not an American citizen, so Secret Service wanted me to talk to INS.
- Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: What?
- Donna Moss: I was born in Warroad, Minnesota, only I wasn't, 'cause INS just clarified the border and it's now in Manitoba.
- Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: You're not an American?
- Donna Moss: Missed it by four miles.
- Amy Gardner: You seem pretty calm about it.
- Donna Moss: No, I'm very upset. I don't know the words to my national anthem. I've been throwing out Canadian pennies my whole life. I've been making fun of the Queen! We don't do that.
- Josh Lyman: You went over my head and you did it behind my back.
- Amy Gardner: Quite the contortionist am I.
- [British Ambassador Lord John Marbury joins the President and First Lady at her birthday gala celebration]
- Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Abigail!
- President Josiah Bartlet: Now it's a party.
- Abbey Bartlet: Oh. Yes, your lordship.
- Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Your breasts are magnificent.
- Abbey Bartlet: Oh. Um... thank you, John.
- Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: May I inquire, Mr. President - the first thing that attracted you to Abigail - was it her magnificent breasts?
- Abbey Bartlet: It was.
- President Josiah Bartlet: You know John, there are places in the world where it might be considered rude to talk about the physical attributes of another man's wife.
- Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: My god. Really?
- President Josiah Bartlet: Yeah.
- Toby Ziegler: Can I call you John?
- Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: I am John, Lord Marbury, Earl of Croy, Marquess of Needham and Dolby, Baronet of Brycey, England's ambassador to the United States, and a terrorist is a terrorist even if he wears a green necktie and sings "Danny Boy". Yes, you can call me John.
- Abbey Bartlet: Claudia Jean?
- Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: Yes, ma'am?
- Abbey Bartlet: Let's get drunk.
- Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: [surprised] Oh, okay.
- [Abbey walks off. C.J. follows]
- Sam Seaborn: You're not in any way a helpful person.
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: Don't have to be. I have tenure.
- [while discussing the importance of funding the superconducting supercollider - a controversial scientific project that would cost billions]
- Sen. Jack Enlow, D-IL: If we can only say what benefit this thing has. No one's been able to do that.
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: That's because great achievement has no road map. The X-Ray is pretty good, and so is penicillin, and neither were discovered with a practical objective in mind. I mean, when the electron was discovered in 1897, it was useless. And now we have an entire world run by electronics. Haydn and Mozart never studied the classics. They couldn't. They invented them.
- Sam Seaborn: Discovery.
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: What?
- Sam Seaborn: That's the thing that you were... Discovery is what. That's what this is used for. It's for discovery.
- President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: Look, obviously we knew that this was going to be a thing, but it doesn't have to be tonight, right?
- Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: No, absolutely not. I shall take it up with Gerald.
- Abbey Bartlet: Who's Gerald?
- President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: I'm pretty sure he means Leo.
- Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Hmm. Oh, do you have a new Chief of Staff?
- President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: No.
- Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Well, then Gerald it is!
- Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: You're involving yourself in a centuries old conflict without sufficient regard for history. Listen to the warning of old friends. It was Kipling who warned to expect "the blame of those ye better, and the hate of those ye guard."
- Toby Ziegler: And wasn't it James Joyce who said, "History is a nightmare from which I'm trying to awake."
- Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Yes, but it was your own great Irish master, Eugene O'Neill, who said, "There is no present or future, only the past happening over and over again... now."
- Abbey Bartlet: Here we go. Awasiwi Odinak - far from the things of man. When Jed first took me to his house, which is 25 miles from anywhere, he said, "Awasiwi Odinak: Far from the things of man." What a jackass.
- Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: I'm gonna open the wine.
- Abbey Bartlet: The wine is a '95 Old Vine zinfandel from Hog Cellars, which once belonged to King Boudouin of Belgium, and is best sipped while making anagrams out of the phrase, "My husband's an enormous jackass!"
- Amy Gardner: Canadian, huh?
- Donna Moss: Yeah.
- Amy Gardner: You feel funnier?
- Donna Moss: No, but I am developing a massive inferiority complex.
- Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: [Lord Marbury is drunk] Abigail, may I grasp your breasts?
- President Josiah Bartlet: I'm standing right here!
- Abbey Bartlet: You may kiss my cheek.
- Sam Seaborn: I'm not an instigator.
- Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: Yes, you are.
- Sam Seaborn: Yeah, but I'm on the side of the angels.
- Leo McGarry: What's gonna happen?
- President Josiah Bartlet: They're gonna suspend her license for a year.
- Leo McGarry: We just talked for a little bit.
- President Josiah Bartlet: And?
- Leo McGarry: I don't think you need to be concerned about her leaving you for me.
- President Josiah Bartlet: I was pretty concerned about that.
- Leo McGarry: She's definitely leaving you for somebody, so don't be so...
- President Josiah Bartlet: Can you leave me alone? I'm trying to be a husband, and your mojo's getting all over me.
- Sam Seaborn: And now the student becomes the teacher, huh?
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: Not really, no.
- Sam Seaborn: Okay. So did I disappoint you when I didn't go into physics?
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: No.
- Sam Seaborn: Any?
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: You were bad at it.
- Sam Seaborn: No, I wasn't.
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: Yeah.
- Sam Seaborn: I just needed a little encouragement.
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: No.
- Sam Seaborn: Look. Congress isn't going to fund your damn superconductor. All right?
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: Supercollider. Superconducting supercollider. This is exactly what I'm talking about. A 54-mile tunnel 150 feet below ground, in which protons and antiprotons would be flung into each other at the speed of light. Can you remember that?
- Sam Seaborn: Yes.
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: Good. Because when you talk about it, you shouldn't sound like an idiot.
- President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: Can you leave me alone? I'm trying to be a husband and your mojo is getting all over me.
- Sam Seaborn: And now the student becomes the teacher, huh?
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: Not really, no.
- Sam Seaborn: Okay. So did I disappoint you when I didn't go into physics?
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: No.
- Sam Seaborn: Why?
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: You were bad at it.
- Sam Seaborn: No, I wasn't.
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: Yeah.
- Sam Seaborn: I just needed a little encouragement.
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: No.
- Sam Seaborn: Look. Congress isn't going to fund your damn superconductor. All right?
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: Supercollider. Superconducting supercollider. This is exactly what I'm talking about. A 54-mile tunnel 150 feet below ground, in which protons and antiprotons would be flung into each other at the speed of light. Can you remember that?
- Sam Seaborn: Yes.
- Dr. Dalton Millgate: Good. Because when you talk about it, you shouldn't sound like an idiot.