Nikki Cox: Tiffany Malloy

Quotes 

• Tiffany Malloy : [opens letter, gives victorious laugh]  Oh, yes, yes! God, yes!

  Amber Moss : That's not bad, but, uhm, guys like it if you yell their name in there somewhere.

  Tiffany Malloy : Amber, this is not a man. I was just *accepted to Harvard!*

  [laughs happily] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Who can I hurt the most with this news?

  [just then, in sails Sable] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Hey, Sable! Where are you going to college?

  Sable O'Brien : [proudly]  Stanford.

  Tiffany Malloy : Ah, yes, Stanford. A decent little West Coast school. By the way, I'm going to Harvard.

  [beams bright smile] 

  Sable O'Brien : [throws big tantrum]  Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

  Ryan Malloy : [consoles sobbing girl]  Ah, there, there, there! There, I know how to make you relax. I'm - I'm gonna sing you a song. It always works for me when I was little, okay?

  [Sable's still sobbing, and he starts singing:] 

  Ryan Malloy : Hush, little baby, don't you cry, Poppa's gonna buy you a pizza pie...

  [and he starts snoring, suspiciously with his head on her bosom] 

  Sable O'Brien : [dismayed by the big baby]  Uh, can somebody take this?

  [Ryan is pretending to be asleep in between laughing, his head cradled heavenly] 

• Tiffany Malloy : [to big shot movie producer Ryan]  That's it, I quit! You are dumber and far less competent than me, yet you are my boss! I guess this is an excellent introduction to Hollywood.

• Tiffany Malloy : Mom! Dad!

  [with irony:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : How odd to see you both here during the day. Great news! I just got accepted to Harvard! And all it's gonna cost for the first year is $28 000!

  Jennie Malloy : Whoo! That is gonna be one heck of a summer job!

  Tiffany Malloy : [laughs]  I'm not gonna get a job, I'm not an *orphan*.

  [chuckles] 

  Tiffany Malloy : You have the money, don't you, Daddy?

  Jack Malloy : Of course!

  [as if anybody watching would believe that] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Of course!

  [he laughs a big fatherly laugh, and she hugs him] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, I love you, Daddy! Oh, and Mommy...!

  [goes over to Jennie] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Mommy, I love Daddy!

  [runs off] 

  Jennie Malloy : [mocks]  "I love Daddy I love Daddy!"

  [to Jack:] 

  Jennie Malloy : Yeah, I'd love you too if I thought you had $28 000!

• Tiffany Malloy : Ah, Mr. Monteleone, you preening asexual B-minus-giving power-mongering rum-soaked excuse for an English teacher, suck on this: I'm going to Harvard!

  Mr. Monteleone : Ah, how wonderful! The most elite school in this nation! Thanks to my teaching, you'll be woefully unprepared! Further which, Harvard costs $28 000 a year! Your father couldn't make that much money in a lifetime! See you at Burger King, Miss Malloy! I can't wait to make you "hold the pickles!"